This Time I'm Saying Something

Last year about this time, I received a nasty comment. At the time I was third-trimester-pregnant with twins, trying to get through the same hustle and bustle holidays bring that everyone goes through. I was ready for a few days off of work, like most people are. I chose not to dignify the comment with acknowledging it on my blog, but it hurt. I simply posted a comment stating- if you don't like what you read on my blog- then DON'T READ IT. The negativity of the words affected me so much that the stress of the holidays combined with the hurt of the comment caused me to go into preterm labor and spend the night in the hospital, deathly afraid that my babies would be making their appearance at 26 weeks. I have kept this to myself since then, and I am only including it now in the hopes that people stop and think about how their words affect other people before blasting off a comment under the protective cloak of anonymity. I have moved on from that comment, but I have not forgotten it and have tried to keep a nice balance of the truthful, honest record of our lives and happy baby moments.

The fact of the matter is though, that this is my blog. This is my place to record what goes on with our lives. Someday I will go back and read my words and not just remember the fluff that the pictures show, but that I was a strong mom that got through the hard times too. I also think it is important for people reading to know that it isn't all sunshine and roses on the other side of the IF wall. If you are expecting that, then you will have a hard time once your IF is resolved. You will feel guilty for struggling or having a hard day- but you need to know that IT IS OKAY. Being a parent is hard. It is full of amazingly wonderfulness, but it can still be hard at times. Twins are not easy, severe reflux is not easy, being a working mom is not easy. I know I am not the only one walking in these shoes, which is precisely why I share my experience on this blog. I blog not only to have a permanent record of my IF journey, my pregnancy and my twins' first year, but to get that shared life experience of "me too."

This morning I received another nasty, negative, hurtful comment. This time I'm saying something- but then will delete this post sometime in the future so I don't have the negativity saved forever in my blog archives. My top pet peeves are: eye rolling (because it is disrespectful), improper use of apostrophes (the teacher in me), and hypocritical people. It boggles my mind when people throw harsh negative words around saying that they hate reading things they perceive as negative on someone's blog. First off- who are you to exempt yourself from being negative? If I am in fact truly being negative (although I don't feel I am), at least I don't direct it at someone and tell them that I pity the people that interact with and love them. Secondly, going back to my point I mentioned before- DON'T READ IT IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT. No one is holding a gun to your head. Move along and find a blog that doesn't depress you- it sounds like you might need it anyway if sharing my life depresses you any way. I don't feel like my life is depressing- I think it is amazing- full of excitement, never dull, wonderfully blessed and I would change very little of it if given the chance.

In my last post, I wrote how I got through a week of solo-parenting. In writing that, I am not complaining- I am celebrating my success in coming out at the end of the week still happy and able to get things done. My children were fed well, clean, and clean-clothed; my class was taught well and report cards were completed, and I did all that by myself. I am putting it in writing so that once several trips are under our belt and I feel like doing it on my own is not such a big deal, I can look back and remember when that wasn't the case. Just like how I felt proud of taking Sam and Anna out of the house by myself at 5 weeks old- but now its a routine practice and no big deal. I'm proud of how far I've come. If I was whining or complaining about the flu, I would have typed- "it's not fair that we got sick" or something along those lines. My reason for adding that we got the flu shot? Not so that I gave the impression that we shouldn't have gotten sick, but to avoid comments from people asking if we did or telling me that we should have.

If I was going to fill my blog with complaining posts- I would have post after post discussing the fact that Sam and Anna have not slept through the night in weeks. I would have post after post about the lack of support I get from my family. I would complain about how my mother could care less about what my children are doing, but constantly brag about my nephews. I would describe how sad it makes me to have missed seeing Anna roll both ways for the first time, miss her first tooth popping through (it has since receded), or that Sam and Anna light up when they see their daycare provider, but don't always even smile for me when I pick them up. I would have posts expressing how I wish my children were sitting better, crawling better or doing things it seems like other babies their age are doing. If I was complaining, this blog would be all about that. But it is not. Instead, I share their monthly milestones. Cute pictures that make me melt inside every time I look at them. Their progress in being good eaters.

I get it that this time of year is very difficult for many people. I have been there. I am still infertile even though I hold two babies in my arms at night. I have not forgotten. But any pain you feel does not give you the right to take it out on another person. EVER. I hope I can teach my children to be empathetic people and learn that. The world needs more empathetic people in it. The world needs to remember the longstanding rule: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. If I don't like what I read on someone's blog, I don't comment, or if I continually don't like it, I stop reading- it is as easy and simple as that. SO please, if you don't like what you read around here- please stop reading. Do both yourself and my family a favor. Other people must like what I write- I get hundreds of views for each post I write, and I am the 3rd top multiple blog on Top Mommy Blogs, so if you don't, please move along.

I have always allowed anonymous comments, in the hopes that it will give courage to lurkers to comment and connect with others. Unfortunately, I cannot allow negative comments like this to bring me or my blog down any more, so from now on, all comments will be moderated and anonymous comments will not be allowed. I still hope people have the courage to comment on my blog, even if it is just a "me too." Thank you to those that read and supply positive comments often. If you are a lurker, thanks for reading as well, and I'd love to hear from you, too!