Oh, Yay

Just found out the cribs my babies have been sleeping for over a month have been recalled. This recall involves Simplicity and Graco drop-sided cribs. I knew we didn't want drop sides when we were looking for cribs, but I couldn't find any white cribs with solid ends that didn't have a drop-side front. The retrofit kits will arrive in "2-3 weeks." What to do until then? I guess Sam and Anna will be sharing the Arms-Reach Co-sleeper once again. And their mom and dad will be back to getting no sleep once again, as well.

NIAW

It has not been lost on me that this week is National Infertility Awareness Week. For days I have been gathering my thoughts, wondering what a woman on the other side, but who still feels very much infertile, says about this week. I got my miracles- I got my two babies, which was what we always wanted pre-IF, but deep down it still hurts to know that I don't have the possibility to easily have more, like 7 out of 8 couples (since 1 in 8 experience infertility). The two babies I get to hold every day does not erase the long, arduous and uncertain path we traveled to get them. It makes it totally worth every heartache, tear, shot, and moment of despair- but it does not make all the past pain disappear.

Murgdan posted a link to Tears and Hope on her blog this week. I hadn't viewed it since our IVF cycle started. I bawled like never before while watching it this time... because I was holding a sleeping baby in my arms while seeing the words scroll across the screen. I could see my other sleeping baby just beyond the computer. I am at a loss for words to describe how it felt to watch it and feel those old emotions so freshly, knowing now what I did not the last time- that I would resolve our infertility, and that a year later, our family would be complete. Thank you Murgdan, for reminding me about it, and giving me the opportunity to view it from the other side. I hope someday everyone gets that chance.

Please be an advocate for infertility awareness. An advocate for education. An advocate for insurance coverage. An advocate for understanding and compassion for people dealing with infertility.

Almost Wordless Wednesday!

We have cute butts and we cannot lie...

Things I've Learned As a Twin Mom

Now that I've been a mom to babies outside the womb for almost 2 months, I've come to the realization of several things:



The crazy challenges of a twin pregnancy are miniscule compared to the challenges of twin newborns. Now the real journey is underway!



Although I'm a pretty high-strung person (I prefer to use the word passionate), I'm a lot more easy going as a parent. I don't go in to check to see if my babies are breathing, even if they sleep 8 1/2 hours in a row. I don't flip out about medical problems (like Anna's heart murmur or the short time the ER doctor though Anna might have pyloric stenosis). I stress about how bedtime is going to go each night (like my husband does).



Having enough time to take care of myself really isn't as important anymore. I really need to pluck my eyebrows and my toes haven't been painted in months... but I really don't care.



Don't pick up a baby the first time they cry while they are asleep! You might just get another hour of sleep out of them if they go back to sleep.

When you have colicy babies, it bothers you less when you babies cry for a short time.

And the list goes on and on!!!

Sleep & Weight @ 7 Weeks

Anna broke her record last night- she was asleep from 10 pm... until 6:30 am this morning. That's 8 1/2 hours of peaceful slumber!!!

(Now Sam- he continued his typical 4 hour stint, so don't think that I was able to sleep for those entire 8 1/2 hours. He also had a hard time going back to sleep, so I never got more than 3 hours at any one time.)

Weight update: At the weekly mom class, Anna weighed 8 lbs 9 oz today, while Sam weighed 9 lbs 3 oz. At least they are now on the %ile curves at around the 5 %ile. At birth, they didn't make it on the chart. :)

Sleep at 6 Weeks

A little sleep update:

Anna is such a champion sleeper that she slept from 9 pm until 3 am Sunday night. According to some opinions, that is considered "sleeping through the night" because she slept for more than 5 hours straight. She went 7 total hours between eating. I think this is pretty awesome considering she weighs only about 9 lbs and she is only six weeks old. We decided a while ago to forgo waking her to eat after Sam at night because we could tell she didn't need those extra feedings. We tried "dream feeding" both babies 2 hours later than their bedtime, but we only got a half hour later out of them, so we stopped that. Because Anna sleeps so well at night, she is not so keen on sleeping during the day and doesn't nap very well.

Have I mentioned before how opposite our twins are?

Sam can consistently go 4 hours between feedings at night. 5 hours sometimes happens. He also is a super daytime napper and often skips "activity/play time" after eating because he still often falls sound asleep with a bottle nipple in his mouth. He goes 2-3 hours between feedings during the day, although I think he could go longer if he ate more at a time instead of falling asleep during a bottle.

When Sam and Anna were under 2 weeks old we woke them every 3 hours to feed (per our pedi) because of their lower birth weight. When they were doing a great job gaining weight, we stopped waking every 3 hours (per our pedi) and just woke the second twin after the first ate. This is generally the way everybody says to do it with twins. Now that we've realized how different Sam and Anna's schedules are, we've pretty much ditched the "wake the sleeping second twin" practice throughout both the day and night, since it seems like they have such different needs.

I struggle with this, because my head says waking is the best way to get them on a similar schedule and it's what all the twin books say to do. My heart says not to wake them up because I should give them what they each need rather than what's convenient for us.

What a quandary. I wish figuring out sleeping and eating was a more cut and dried deal. It seems like just when we get it worked out, something switches everything up again, whether it is a growth spurt, or reflux or something else.

Newest Picture Spam

Now that Sam and Anna have resumed being typical mostly happy 6 week old babies, I have been able to resume doting mother photo taking. Enjoy!

Bouncer chair naps

Two peas in a pod

I love how the pictures show some of their personality :)

Big brother is pushing his adoring little sister away :)

My newest desktop background, facebook profile picture, babycenter profile picture...

Now Leaving...

...Reflux Hell!

OMG- we have rounded a corner, y'all!

We left the pediatrician Monday armed with two prescriptions for Prevacid, administered the dose when we got home to both Sam and Anna... and now we here we are, two doses later, seeing two completely different babies.

Thank God for grandmothers and prevacid!

Thanks to that lovely combo, it is only 11:00 am and not only do I have two full-tummy peacefully sleeping babies, but I was able to get dressed, eat breakfast, do my hair and makeup, brush my teeth, wash bottles, pack up newborn clothes that are now too small, pick up a little, hop on the computer and I'm on my second load of laundry! I should even be able to eat lunch today! (And honestly, the grandmother was reading a book most of the time and had little influence on that list.)

My mother in law leaves today and my mother arrives tomorrow. My mom is planning on staying through Tuesday, so hopefully by then we'll have the reflux beast completely tamed before I jump back into solo parenting for 10 hours each weekday.

Best part ever- it's been two days since I cried. I've regained my sanity and my children aren't in constant pain anymore. Hallelujah!

Reflux Hell

About a week ago I had a post about our babies reaching a "colic" stage. Their crying has been increasing since then (especially Anna) so I took her to the pedi after we became more and more suspicious that her colic was really bad reflux. I was hoping for meds to help stop the incessant sound that happened all day long. Witching hour? I wish. When I read about babies having a bad period of day, it made me jealous. The pedi agreed that she had reflux, and asked us to try a different formula until Monday, and if we didn't see improvement, over the phone she would give us a prescription. (She said over the phone because both babies cried the entire time we were in the exam room, and I was by myself. It was so awful I can't find the words to describe how horrible that was.) We tried to give Anna the new formula a few times but we had a few issues- first, the nipples wouldn't work with the thickened formula, and once we fixed that problem, we discovered that Anna wouldn't drink it. So we stopped attempting it and were resigned to waiting until Monday.

Meanwhile, Anna's screaming reached a whole new level between Friday evening and Saturday. She literally cried 24/7. It was no longer just most awake moments, but it was keeping her from sleeping. It was keeping her from eating. We tried calling Saturday morning, but was told that our pedi wasn't the on call doctor so we couldn't get a prescription then and would need to wait until Monday. My poor baby took one decent nap all day, and that was only because she was in the Sleepy Wrap. All other "naps" were interrupted frequently by crying bouts. My little girl was in so much pain from the acid burning in her throat, that she couldn't sleep. While she had vomited a few times in the past week or so, on Saturday, she vomited a bunch of times. You have no idea what it is like to hold your screaming one month old for hours and hours, smelling the rancid smell of acid on her breath constantly, hurting so much for her. So we called again, and asked when it would be considered bad enough that we needed to go to urgent care. The nurse suggested that if she had cried for over an hour straight, she would go. My little girl had been crying for hour-long jags all day long. Off we went to the ER.

Once at the ER, we didn't get much help. Thankfully Anna was not dehydrated and she did not have a high temperature, so they didn't have an immediate concern. The ER doctor wanted us to come back in the morning to get a GI xray done (since it was 9 pm on a Saturday night- I guess the right people to perform the xray weren't there) to rule out pyloric stenosis. Apparently pyloric stenosis is rare, but more common when there's a heart murmur. If Anna had that, she would need surgery to fix it. We headed back this morning, Anna had the barium drink, got the xray and short version: does not have pyloric stenosis (I didn't think so after consulting Dr. Google when we got home from the ER last night, so I wasn't overly concerned). So she most definitely has severe acid reflux. They sent us on our way, and now we are just getting through the minutes trying to get to Monday.

Sam's reflux is not as severe, but he definitely has it too. His level of discomfort has been increasing too.

One baby with reflux is really hard. I remember reading all about Blair's adventures in Reflux Hell a few months ago. Two babies with reflux- especially when one of those is as severe as Anna's, is insane. My husband call his mother in tears yesterday asking if she could drop everything and come stay with us for a while- because when you have two babies constantly crying that need to be held nobody ever gets a break. My husband and I were crying off and on all day. We were past the breaking point.

I can say that today is better though. My most-amazing-friend-ever came for a few hours after I placed a hysterical phone call so each of us could get a small break. I used earplugs to get a glorious nap in silence. My husband's mother should be here within an hour. We don't know yet how long she can stay. The doctor's appointment will be tomorrow, and although I know we won't get an instant, magical cure- it is still helping me see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know this won't last forever. I have gone through a lot of tough things, and I can get through this too.

Meanwhile, although this blog has been my sanity-saver, I don't think I'll have much time to post when there are two babies that need to be constantly consoled and held, so I may not blog much until some relief is found for my babies. I hope to be back with good news very, very soon!

Postpartum Me

isn't happy with my appearance. At all.

"I know it's only been 5 weeks. I know that I grew two healthy babies. And I know that it will take time, I was larger than life so it takes time to shrink, it's all worth it and any of that other logical BS you throw at me. Believe me, I know it. But it doesn't mean I'm any happier with myself. " Danse said this on her blog months ago- and I wholeheartedly agree.

I gained a whopping 70 pounds from my "normal" weight pre-IVF to the last weigh-in a few days before I gave birth (Dude- that's like carrying around two smaller kindergartners. No wonder I was in more pain than you can imagine). I justified that gain because a.) I was carrying TWO babies, people- which means twice the amniotic fluid, double the placenta weight, etc. and b.) I was a smaller person pre-pregnancy (I so miss my size 4 pants) and had heard several times that the smaller you are, the more weight you typically gain. c.) I lucked out in the morning sickness department and only threw up twice- and it wasn't even that much those two times, so I didn't have that way of losing lots of calories when I was ravenous 24/7 back then.

I lost 40 pounds in the first three weeks. It was amazing! I felt like I could literally see the difference day by day. Then the next week I hopped on the scale, and... no change. Hopped on the scale the following week, and discovered only a few pounds missing. Right now I still look pregnant.

My wardrobe is more pathetic than ever. I remember feeling tired of the limited clothing I could wear at the end of being pregnant, and I wish I had that many options now. I still am wearing maternity pants if I go out in public. At home I wear stretchy bottoms, feeling at least a little good that those aren't still maternity wear. I wear my largest T-shirts or my husband's T's. I wear sweatshirts. That's it- my entire wardrobe. Soon I'll be heading back to work. Comfy pants and T-shirts aren't going to cut it there. I have been holding off buying any clothes- because optimistic me says that soon I'll be smaller and the new stuff won't fit for long anyway. Plus, it's depressing to try it all on. I tried on a pair of jeans 4 sizes larger than my old size (thinking that at least my jeans wouldn't be maternity anymore) last weekend and they still wouldn't button. Very, very depressing.

My stomach looks droopy, stretchmarky and deflated. It jiggles. I can't tell if my uterus is still stretched contributing to my belly or if that's just my belly. God, I hope not. Either way, it's not a pretty sight. I'll live with the stretchmarks happily if the rest returns to my old self. I can't fathom that happening even in my wildest dreams, though.

Next week is my 6 week postpartum appointment, where I should get cleared to resume all normal activity. I prepared this week by ordering Jillian Michael's 3 DVD set. 30 Day Shred, here I come. No More Trouble Zones: I've got a challenge for you. When I'll find the time for those, I don't know. But I don't think my power walks with the double stroller are going to erase the back fat and belly overhang I'm rockin' right now, among other areas of excess fat. I also ordered a pair of Spanxs. Two of the mean teachers in my grade have personal trainers- I am NOT going back to school without doing everything I can to make the lumps, bumps and jiggles disappear as much as possible.

I am scared that I'll never be able to wear my old clothes again. I am scared that the belly overhang is going to be there forever. I am scared that I'll never embrace the body that I have ever again- and it took many years from high school to my twenties to get there in the first place.

STTN, Here We Come!

OMG- my sweet angels went 6 hours last night between feedings- and slept for 5 1/2 of them. Holy Cow! We last fed them at 9 pm, and when I awoke at 3 am, at first I was sure I was just so tired that I slept through crying and missed a feeding. So I woke up my husband to see if he took my shift without me waking up. But low and behold, we both got a good chunk of sleep (I got just over 3 hours of sleep and now I'm kicking myself for not going to bed at 10 instead of doing a few things around the house for over an hour). Nothing was really different the day before, except that Sam kept wanting to be fed every 2 hours during the day. Growth spurt, maybe?

I'm sure we'll be back to wanting to eat every 3 hours tonight (and sleeping for 2 hours in between) but no matter what, it was glorious last night- and a great way to start the day!

*Edited to add: The next night the babes slept from 10:00 -2:30. I'll take 4 1/2 hours of straight sleep over 1 1/2! They went 5 1/2 hours between start times of feedings though... we had a little trouble getting them to sleep for good that night. I'm thinking they are starting to get nighttime vs. daytime, because they are sure awake for longer periods during the day now, too.

First Smiles!

I witnessed the first real smiles from Sam today! True to what I've heard- those smiles seriously melt your heart. It's amazing how one precious little grin makes all the crying and screaming, late nights, lack of sleep and tears (my tears) seems so dismissible. I can't wait to be the recipient of Anna's first smiles soon, too!

Almost caught it

Anna's almost there, too

(*Update: Anna smiled at me less than 24 hours later. )

Small Steps = Big Victory!

Amidst all the crying and fussing and extra lack of sleep lately, my morale has been pretty low. It's hard to endure that much crying and not be able to successfully end it. Especially when, from 7:30 am - 5:00 pm, I'm on my own for that double dose of crying. I made it my goal this week to go somewhere (anywhere, really) out in public that involved driving solo with the twins. I have taken them on walks on my own a few times, but that has been the extent of "going out" on my own. With other adult reinforcements with me, Sam and Anna have gone to church and to a restaurant.

Today, I accomplished my goal- and I did it well! Yay me!

I decided to try to attend the new mom class at the local hospital (not the one I delivered at because it is 45 minutes away) held from 10:30 -11:30 am. Although I thought a specific time frame was really ambitious of me, I knew that two crying babies would not be unusual if I made it there. After all, I was really nervous about dealing with the incessant crying from two babies on my own with onlookers all around. My plan B was to go a store if I didn't make it to the class on time, so all that effort to get ready wouldn't be wasted.

I even made it to the new mom class 5 minutes early! Granted, I started "getting ready" hours beforehand so that the diaper bag and stroller were in the vehicle, I was dressed and ready, and my babies were asleep so I could change and feed them right before we left, but hey- you have to do what will work.

Sam and Anna had their best moments of the day while they were there- they slept most of the time and barely cried. They had a scale too, so Sam and Anna both got weighed: Anna is now up to 7 lbs 11 oz (gained 1 lb 3 oz in two weeks), and Sam is over 8 lbs already at 8 lbs 4 oz ( gained 1 lb 6 oz in two weeks)! They may be crying a lot, but they are sure growing! Drawback to that, though- I think our days of newborn clothes and newborn diapers are dwindling. :) It was really nice to talk to the other moms during that hour. We talked about a lot of things that made me feel like I really am knowledgeable about lots of baby stuff, too.

Now some totally unrelated advice soliciting: We are getting newborn pictures taken in a week (at 6 weeks) at a fairly inexpensive studio (we have a coupon). We also have a coupon for a more expensive studio (where we will get 2 free 8 by 10's and no charge for the sitting- we probably won't buy other pictures because they are really high priced- but who knows? I may be unable to resist getting a few). When should we schedule a session for those photos to be taken? Should we wait a while and get 4 months or 6 months or 9 months or later? These two pictures will probably be framed and put on our fireplace mantel. I can't decide when to get them done, so I need your help! Thanks in advance!

Prayers Please

Holy Sh*t- twins are difficult. We've hit colic big time around here, and although I'm beginning to sound like a broken record, I'm going to say it again, anyway: if you think something is hard with one baby, you can't imagine how hard it is with two at the same time. Both my husband and I have cried every day in the past three days. With one baby, they have to sleep eventually, even with colic, and give you a break. With two babies- there can always be a baby awake and crying. And it pretty much seems like they are. I was awake from 2:30-6:00 am last night with crying babies- and the only reason I started and stopped at those times was because my husband had baby duty before and after that time. Double the intense crying 24/7 is enough to drive you mad.

I'd appreciate prayers that we have better nights and figure out the magical cure to end crying for both Sam and Anna if you have prayers to spare. And, if you have any advice to offer, please do. (We do follow the 5 S's for Happiest Baby on the Block, use Mylicon and Gripe Water, switched to a gentle formula per pediatrician's okay, etc. already)

Here's a rare "content babies" photo that I have taken to looking at frequently, just to remind me that they can be content:

One Month Old!

Where does the time go? It has already been one month since Sam and Anna were born- sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday, but sometimes it feels like I've been running on the hamster wheel of diaper change, feed, baby nap, and repeat for longer than I can remember.

At one month:

Sam:

• fits into newborn-sized clothes very well
• wears Huggies Little Snuggler newborn-sized diapers (tried Pampers Swaddlers, but would soak through them)
• rolled over from front to back for the first time on April 8th- one day before turning one month old, and rolled over 3 times today
• likes tummy time for a little while
• is a wiggle worm!
• grunts all day long
• snorts and wheezes while drinking a bottle
• hates being naked
• dislikes bath time- but tolerates it if we put a wet washcloth over his body
• sometimes makes bath time into jacuzzi time with his powerful and frequent farts!
• likes the side-by-side swing better than the bouncer
• is a active sleeper but is able to fall asleep on his own most of the time and sometimes self-soothes himself back to sleep if he wakes up
• has one major fussy episode right before falling asleep
• is our alarm clock for feedings- he keeps us on a 2-3 hour feeding schedule most of the time
• likes the Sleepy Wrap
• still has blue eyes that haven't gotten much darker
• has gotten better about his slow drinking, and drinks about 4 oz of formula at a time (over 20 oz in a day)

Anna:

• is fitting into newborn clothing better, but still has a few preemie-sized outfits that fit
• wears Pampers newborn-sized Swaddlers (tried Huggies, but would leak out of the sides)
• rolled over at three weeks old- but hasn't done it since then
• likes tummy time for just a little bit
• will stare at anything without moving for a long time with big eyes when in the right mood
• has more extreme moods- will either be silent and stare, or loud and fussy!
• silently drinks from a bottle- except for an occasional moment to stop and fuss.
• likes bath time with daddy, especially getting dried off in a cozy towel afterwards
• likes music, especially being sung to (which momma does a lot!)
• barely moves while sleeping... and if she is moving, then she is definitely about to wake up!
• has a hard time going to sleep drowsy but not asleep- likes to be held to fall asleep
• is a long napper- we usually have to wake her up after feeding Sam to keep them on the same schedule
• is getting better about leaking formula while drinking and spitting up formula; drinks about 4 oz of formula at a time (up to 30 oz in a day!)
• is learning to like the Sleepy Wrap- and once asleep, can stay in there for hours
• has blue eyes that are getting darker every day
• has been getting more and more fussy, so we are trying a gentle formula to help improve her fussiness and gas issues

Here are their one month pictures- if you think taking pictures of one propped-up newborn is difficult, you can't imagine how hard two is! I am a little disappointed in how these came out- I guess I think my babies are so much cuter in person!

Sam with a funny look on his faceAnna's funny face
The best shots of both babies

Must Have Twin Items

Now that I have been a twin momma for a month, I thought I would share baby things that I love. This is not an all-encompassing list, but more of a list of things I didn't know would be so helpful... things I couldn't live without!

A battery-operated nail file- I got this on clearance at Target a week ago, when I was frustrated that I had spent an hour of prime nap-time filing 20 fingers, and two days later they needed filing again. I love my file, and it was only five dollars! It files the nails so fast, and my babies don't mind it at all. In fact, if I start filing when they are sleepy, but not asleep yet, the hum and the vibrations actually put them to sleep. I highly recommend getting one, even if you don't have twins!

The Sleepy Wrap- I knew I wanted some type of baby carrier, and did a little bit of research while pregnant to pick the right one for me. I went with the Sleepy Wrap because it said it was good for your back (I often have back problems) and it stated that you could carry twins in it. I liked that you could use it for newborns up to 30 lbs. This carrier is so helpful when you have two babies. If one is fussy while the other one sleeps, I can pop that child in and get stuff done, like washing bottles, laundry, or a blog post. If they both "need" me, I can comfort one hands-free in the wrap, leaving my hands available for the other baby. Yesterday I changed a diaper and fed one baby while wearing the other. The only drawback I've found is that it is cumbersome and takes longer than I'd like to get the wrap put on.

Our side-by side swing- We have the Nature's Touch Cradle Swing by Fisher-Price. My children tend to prefer swinging side-to-side over front to back. This swing is higher off the ground which has proven to be very helpful with our two labs too.

A formula pitcher- I remember reading about this must-have on another twin blog months before our babies arrived. It really does make bottle making so much easier. We have the Dr. Brown's formula pitcher. With the pitcher, we can quickly pre-make enough bottles at night (18 right now) for one day.

Lots of lap (multipurpose) pads- we use these on top the bassinet or crib sheet and on top of the changing pad cover. When there's a mess (like spit up or other bodily fluid) it is much easier to swap out the pad than remove the whole sheet or cover.

Our Tiny Love Sweet Island Dreams mobiles- although they don't coordinate with our nursery decorations, I had registered for these because everywhere I looked they got great reviews, and they came with a remote. In theory, I figured that we could use one remote for both mobiles and synchronize the music rather than have the music clash for the two cribs. However, no matter what, they seem to be a half second off- so that doesn't work. I still love the mobiles though, and my twins do too!

Miracle Blankets- Although my kids still fuss when we first put them in for the night, the miracle wrap has been the best swaddler for us. We tried receiving blankets the first night, and they quickly unwrapped. We tried a SwaddleMe, and Anna broke free of that pretty quickly too.

Two boppies- for bottle feeding both babies at the same time.



Things that were a waste for us:

Carseat covers- I thought having March babies (that would likely come in February or even January) we would need carseat covers for the cold temperatures this time of year. We only used a cover once; on the way home from the hospital for Sam (because Anna was in the carseat bed)

All the nursing gear I bought- 3 nursing bras, EZ-2 Nurse twin pillow, etc- Since I nursed for 2 days and pumped for a week, most of this was not worth spending the money for us.

Arms-Reach Co-sleeper- I wish we had been able to use this as a bassinet for a longer time, but our babies were too noisy to have in our bedroom with us. We simply sleep better now that they are in their cribs in the nursery, and the babies sleep better on their own.

Two swings and multiple bouncers- We got these as gifts, but so far one swing and one bouncer have worked out well for us. We rotate who is in each one, and our living room stays less crowded with only one swing and bouncer

A Baby... Or a Mourning Dove?

I had to share this video I took of Sam while he was sleeping in our vibrating bouncer. He's such a noisy sleeper... the vibrations make his noisy sleep sounds sound just like a mourning dove. (It's a little easier to hear at the end)

One of the Best Gifts Ever

When I walked to my mailbox a week or so ago, I found an unexpected package from my dear internet friend and fellow IF blogger, Carli. I have been meaning to get to this post because her generosity and the thought she put into this gift seriously made me speechless... and it even made me cry.

We called Baby B (Sam) "Little Bean" and Baby A (Anna) "Sweet Pea" from the moment we knew there were two fetuses. I had a feeling even at 6 weeks that Baby A was a girl and Baby B was a boy. And I was right! I still use these names as nicknames for my little ones.

Here's a close up of the IVF onesie, with accurate prices for our IVF cycle:

Can you get any more perfect than that? Once Sam and Anna fit into them, I think I should take a picture of them in their IVF onesies and send the picture to my RE!

If I Can Do This, I Can Do Anything

Today marked the beginning of my first week alone with Sam and Anna while my husband is at work. My parents were visiting last week and helped me get through his first full week of being gone during the day. We really started out the week with a bang... and proved that when everything falls apart- all you can do is laugh, do what you can, and clean up later when you get a chance. And laugh, I did.

Sam and Anna both woke up from their first morning nap at exactly the same time, crying. This instantly creates a dilemma because it is impossible to change, get two bottles ready and feed two babies all at the same time. I started with Anna, since Sam had been sleeping lightly for a while and I was hopeful he could fall back asleep. Anna also drinks faster, so worst case scenario, I would be done with the first feeding more quickly. I changed her out of her pjs and got a bottle ready. Meanwhile Sam was getting hysterical, so I opted to warm up a second bottle, prop him up on a boppy in his crib and attempt feeding both at the same time. Unfortunately for me- it ended up that both Avent bottles I chose were leakers (Anyone else have problems with this? It happens very randomly to us but it is super annoying) and leaked all over me, the floor, the crib, etc. Anna then picked that moment to have a poop blowout in the clothes she had been wearing for, oh, about 30 seconds. So I changed Anna to the wonderful sound of Sam's frantic cries, during which she decided to pee mid-diaper change and go through yet another diaper.

When all was said and done, both children got fed in formula soaked clothes because I didn't have a spare arm to get different bottles. I don't know how much formula they each got and neither one was very sleepy afterwards because of how worked up they got during the process.

And Anna? she decided she wasn't done and had another poop blowout at the end of the bottle. Three outfits and 4 diapers in 20 minutes for one baby is my new record.

I'm beginning to think that Anna needs Pampers Swaddlers to avoid poop problems and Sam needs Huggies Snugglers to avoid soaking through. Seriously? I need to have an ample stock of two brands of diapers???

My lovely day continued and my children only slept at the same time for about 30 minutes total. Interestingly enough- they managed to want to be fed at exactly the same time, all day long. I'm thinking today might be the day I plop the babies in my dear husband's arms when he walks in the door and escape to Target before the door even closes. After all, we need more diapers, don't we?

Blogoversary... A Little Late

To ME!

I just realized that a week ago, I officially have been blogging for one year.

And boy oh boy, what a year it has been!

While going back in my posts, I realized that I started this blog one year ago on the day that one year later would become the twins' due date. If I only knew then what I would know months later... that our IF struggles would soon be over and God would bless us twice with the most amazing miracles. Or even what I know now: that our extraordinary journey is not over, but has truly just begun!

I've never really been a diary-keeping, journaling type of person and so I am somewhat surprised that over 200 posts later, I am still typing away at the computer to put down my thoughts in words. I owe my continued blogging to all of YOU for taking the time to read and comment- to lift me up when I need support, to cheer me on, offer advice or give warm fuzzies. Without the comments you leave daily, I would have surely quit documenting my thoughts a long time ago.

May this past year only be the beginning. Thank you for following the evolution of my blog from a IF outlet to a pregnancy record, to the chronicles of life as a family with twins!

Baby Update

Since my last two posts were about other family members, I figured I should really post a baby update!

Last Sunday, we had a really rough sleep night. We switched up a few things: started giving them both Mylicon drops, switched back to the old formula, and attempted to have both babies sleep in their own cribs the next night. Monday night was much, much better. So I begrudgingly accepted that our babies will now sleep in their cribs. I did not envision this happening for a few months- we have a co-sleeper in our room and I wanted the closeness of having the two of them right there. I also wanted them to like sleeping with each other- I have to admit I am a little sad that it seems like it doesn't matter to each one whether they have a bunkmate or not. But good sleep for everyone is a strong motivating factor in where the babies are. Sleep at night has been better all around for every member of our family since that night, so I guess it is evident that the right choice was made. A bonus to the cribs: we discovered that the mobiles we have work really well in helping sleepy babies close their eyes. My goal is sleeping through the night at 6-8 weeks. I am really, really hoping we can meet this goal!

My parents came to visit and help this week. They left today, and I am glad. While they were overall helpful and it was worth it to have the extra help for the first full week that my husband was back at work, I am looking forward to just the four of us for a few days until my in-laws visit at the end of this week. Wish me luck for my first solo week with 5 days in a row!

This week we had a number of firsts: Anna hit over 6 lbs, ditched the car seat bed, and rolled over for the first time. For my husband's birthday, we went out to dinner and left Sam and Anna home with "babysitters" (my parents) for the first time as well. I am proud to say I didn't call once and we even managed to talk about a few other things besides the babies. We also had our first poop blowout today. Newborn size clothes are fitting better and better. Sam has officially outgrown preemie clothes, while Anna only has a few preemie things that still fit. Sam and Anna also went out to eat for the first time Saturday with their grandma and grandpa. They both slept the entire time and did great! We went to church for the first time too, to celebrate Easter. Again, they both slept the entire time and did great- which was a relief! (Although Anna did have a very last minute poop-n-pee problem that required a quick outfit change and made us a minute late, but who cares?... I figure we now have two great built-in excuses to be late for things now!) I tried to take pictures of their cute Easter outfits- but holy moly, it is IMPOSSIBLE to get two newborns to look good for a picture at the same time!

New pictures:

Sleeping babies are so cute- good thing they sleep a lot!

I attempted an amateur photo shoot this week: epic FAIL.

Other photos from our week:Their cheeks have gotten so much more chubby since they were born!

Dog Update

Where does the time go when you have twins? I know I am spending more time awake, so I should have enough time to get basic things done, right? I have about 6 blog posts I have swimming around in my head, but something always seems to come up that leaves these posts on the back burner. Sometimes the babies keep me on my toes all day long, with hardly a spare second to eat or go to the bathroom. Some days, our feedings and nap times go extremely well- like they are so far today- so I can afford myself the luxury of reading blogs or making a post of my own. (I'm so far behind commenting, and for that, I'm sorry. I do read them all though!)

For today, those 6 other post ideas are going to have to wait some more. Today I have something more important to blog about.

Last month I wrote this post about my dog. We had discovered that Benelli had a mass in his mouth on the upper jaw, near the back. We took him to the vet and found out that it was indeed, a tumor. I explained that he would need to be put under to remove the tumor to analyze it and find out what we were dealing with in this post. I mentioned that it would cost around $700, when it fact it was close to $1000. All this happened when I was about 36 weeks pregnant and ready to deliver any day. We decided to wait until the twins arrived to make the appointment to make sure his surgery wasn't scheduled to be while we were at the hospital for a few days. Benelli had the surgery last week. We got a phone call about the results yesterday. On my husband's birthday.

It was not a good birthday present.

Benelli's tumor is cancerous, and is in the bone (they took a fragment from his jaw bone to check). Basically, there is nothing we can do to completely remove the cancer this time. (About 2 years ago, Benelli had a cancerous tumor on a leg that we had successfully removed) The vet had removed as much of it as possible last week, but is certain that it will grow back. She told my husband that we could have a few months, or maybe a year before a serious decision would need to be made because it is a fairly aggressive type of cancer. On top of that, Benelli's toenails have been separating from the quicks and coming off. This has been really bothering him. We got the results back from that as well- and were told that his immune system is basically rejecting his toenails. My poor dog is in rough shape.

I'm barely holding it together- and honestly, not letting myself think about it as much as possible. I mentally packed it away in a box for right now because if I let myself truly think about it, I couldn't function enough for my children. Gone are the days where I can selfishly go cry in my room for a few hours- there are mouths to feed about every 3 hours, and diapers to change.

Benelli was my first pet. My first baby. The first living thing that I took care of, nurtured, and loved. It is so unfair that my children won't be old enough to remember him and love him like I do. I am devastated.

Please pray that we get as long as possible to take our dog for walks, give him hugs, and enjoy his presence.

However, right now a baby began crying and wants to be fed, so I have to put this back in my mental box and close the lid, for now.

The Best Husband Ever... Still :)

Today the love of my life celebrated his birthday and turned the big 3-0. Last year on his birthday I posted the following, and I think it bears repeating:

Here's why he's so great:

• He cooks every meal we eat.- AND cleans up AND loads/unloads the dishwasher AND cleans the kitchen weekly. The only finger I lift in that room is to open the refrigerator.
• If I don't feel like going grocery shopping- he'll go by himself.
• If I have a craving for red vines he'll go to the store late in the evening just to get them for me.
• I get to eat the last Girl Scout cookie, every year.
• He helps cut out things for my classroom. A lot. What other man do you know would cut out 18 crabs, 18 fish, and 18 octopus handprints in one weeknight without a complaint???
• He's taken vacation days to come on a field trip with my class in the past or to talk to my students about something we are learning.
• He cleans the toilets and showers weekly.
• He feeds the dogs, lets them out about 99% of the time and picks up after them outside.
• He gives massages whenever I ask for them.
• He makes me tea, hot cocoa, or an alcohol drink whenever I ask.
• We go to bed whenever I feel like it.
• He listens to me talk about work on and on and on without getting annoyed or bored. Ever.
• I get control of the remote and computer when I want it (which is most of the time)- I even get to watch The Bachelor when 24 is on. And I'm pretty sure figure skating would be on over hockey if I truly wanted it to be.
• He makes me a fire in our fireplace and homemade popcorn whenever I want.
• He lets me sleep in on weekends and gets up to let the dogs out.
• He lets me have the window seat in airplanes.
• He doesn't complain when I choose to stay at work until 6 or 7 pm some nights.
• Today the weather was dreary all day and when I answered the phone after leaving work he sang: "You are my sunshine..."
• He loves me because of my perfectionism, my obsessive compulsiveness, the worrywart in me, my pessimism- not in spite of it.
• His patience is limitless.
• He's never once complained about how much I spend on clothes, haircuts, shoes, makeup or other girly things.
• The compliments and flowers are never ending. :)
• He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the whole world.
• And I'm sure there's many more things that I am not thinking of right now.

Nowadays, the list of reasons is a little different. We don't go to bed whenever I want anymore (because of our two little blessings) and the cleaning doesn't get done as much either (again, because of our two little blessings). There are several things I can add since last year, though:

• Because he gave every IM shot during our IVF, even though he doesn't like needles.
• He catered to every food whim I had during my pregnancy.
• He never complained about my incessant ache and pain complaints in the last 9 months.
• My "push" (or cut) present is a day at a spa... for which he plans to take a day off of work whenever I want to use it. How thoughtful is that?
• He definitely does 50% of the work with our twins (and would do more if I let him).
• Because he is the father of my children and I see the love he has for them radiate from him every day.
• He's my rock when the going gets tough- whether the tough is IF, IVF, a twin pregnancy, double crying babies or sleepless nights.
• He still makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world- stretch marks, flabby stretched out tummy and all.
• And I'm still sure there's many more things that I'm not thinking of right now.
  
  I am STILL the luckiest woman alive to have such an amazing husband.
  
  Jake- I love you. Happy Birthday my love.