The Best Husband Ever

So I decided a long time ago that our IF issues are soley because my husband is so darn amazing in every other way- and NOTHING is perfect, so there you go.

Here's why he's so great:

• He cooks every meal we eat.- AND cleans up AND loads/unloads the dishwasher AND cleans the kitchen weekly. The only finger I lift in that room is to open the refrigerator.
• If I don't feel like going grocery shopping- he'll go by himself.
• If I have a craving for red vines he'll go to the store late in the evening just to get them for me.
• I get to eat the last Girl Scout cookie, every year.
• He helps cut out things for my classroom. A lot. What other man do you know would cut out 18 crabs, 18 fish, and 18 octopus handprints in one weeknight without a complaint???
• He's taken vacation days to come on a field trip with my class in the past or to talk to my students about something we are learning.
• He cleans the toilets and showers weekly.
• He feeds the dogs, lets them out about 99% of the time and picks up after them outside.
• He gives massages whenever I ask for them.
• He makes me tea, hot cocoa, or an alcohol drink whenever I ask.
• We go to bed whenever I feel like it.
• He listens to me talk about work on and on and on without getting annoyed or bored. Ever.
• I get control of the remote and computer when I want it (which is most of the time)- I even get to watch The Bachelor when 24 is on. And I'm pretty sure figure skating would be on over hockey if I truly wanted it to be.
• He makes me a fire in our fireplace and homemade popcorn whenever I want.
• He lets me sleep in on weekends and gets up to let the dogs out.
• He lets me have the window seat in airplanes.
• He doesn't complain when I choose to stay at work until 6 or 7 pm some nights.
• Today the weather was dreary all day and when I answered the phone after leaving work he sang: "You are my sunshine..."
• He loves me because of my perfectionism, my obsessive compulsiveness, the worrywart in me, my pessimism- not in spite of it.
• His patience is limitless.
• He's never once complained about how much I spend on clothes, haircuts, shoes, makeup or other girly things.
• The compliments and flowers are never ending. :)
• He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the whole world.

And I'm sure there's many more things that I am not thinking of right now.

Hands off ladies- he's mine and I'm not letting him go.

My dear husband is turning 29 tomorrow. I am the luckiest woman alive to have such an amazing husband.

Jake- I love you. Happy Birthday my love.

Spring Break in Jamaica

First of all, even thought there were some stressful parts (like when the flight there was overbooked and we almost didn't get to leave!) it was hands down the best time of the last three years of my life. The last three years have been a blurr of disappointment after disappointment, devastating news after more and more dashed hope. I didn't think it was possible- but the whole time we were gone, I actually forgot that we are defective and missing out on the "meaning of life." (As my dad described having children at Christmas this year- nice, huh?) I felt normal- not broken or like a dented can at the grocery store. The resort we were at was an all-inclusive, ADULTS ONLY haven for infertiles like me. And even better than that: all the other people that were there didn't want to think about kids either- they didn't want to talk about their kids or anyone else's. So no one asked if we had kids, and I never needed to be polite and ask or see pictures. Frickin' awesome. I had fun. I was happy. I enjoyed myself. I didn't think at all about what I was coming back to.

I look at pictures of my face that we took while there and I can see that my face looks different. I look like I used to. I look happy- not beaten and I don't see the pain behind my eyes like in so many other pictures from the last three years. I want it to stay that way.

I want to go back.

I want to go to my "happy place." A place that doesn't remind me of what I don't have. I place that I don't have to hear about and see pictures of four births in two weeks (that was a nice surprise waiting for me when we got back).

Then, after arriving home and actually needing to think about my real life... I broke down. I cried. I don't want to go back to this place. This place of sadness. So many of our friends said things like, "must be nice" or "I half-hate you" or said that they were jealous... and I had to bite my lip to keep from saying, "oh yeah? well welcome to my world." I feel that way every day about everyone who has had a baby in the last three years. And there's been a lot of them. The first couple to have 3 births while we are TTC just ONE happened while we were gone. Yeah, that was from the "must be nice" comment person. Must be nice to be able to have a baby at the drop of a hat too. I'll never know.

New motto- tryin' to think like Bob Marley, "Don't worry, 'bout a thing... every little thing's gonna be alright." I'm trying. Hopefully that will be enough to keep the twinkle in my eyes in pictures- and keep the pain out.

Here goes...

So I finally got around to starting my blog. I don't really want to start this thing with a formal introduction... Most of you that will read this know where I'm coming from and enough about me anyway. Besides, I'm doing this more for me than for you anyway. Hope that's ok!

Why have I put this off for so long with the idea in the back of my head? Well, I am a busy girl. Teaching is more than a full time job. And, I am not the writer in the family- Jake is. I just don't enjoy writing. So I hope the fate of this blog will be different than the many journals I've tried to start over the years. I hope this will follow me through the challenges of IVF and then to the challenges of pregnancy and beyond.

And lucky you get to come along for the ride! Hang on- it is a rollercoaster! Don't say I didn't warn you!