Geniuses Already

Did I mention yet that my babies are geniuses?

No?

Well, today at 3 weeks and 1 day old (adjusted age of only 3 days), Anna rolled over from her tummy to her back all by herself. According to Dr. Google, this developmental milestone occurs around 3 months.

Need further evidence?

In the hospital bassinet when he was 2 days old and getting his vitals done, Sam did a push up while laying on his tummy: lifted his head, pushed up on his arms, and arched his back to lift his chest off the ground. The nurse doing the vitals was amazed. According to Dr, Google, babies are able to do this around 5 months.

Do I have future professors, molecular biologists or astrophysicists in my arms? Maybe. :)

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We also had our last weight check today, and Anna is now up to 6 lbs 8 oz (up 1 lb 8 oz from birth weight in 3 weeks) while Sam now weighs 6 lbs 14 oz (up 1 lb 4 oz from birth weight). This means Anna can now graduate from her car seat bed into a regular infant carrier. Believe me, judging from the way she wails when in the car seat bed, I bet she is as happy as I am about that!

Jinxed Myself, Maybe?

Did I really just type that I was "born to be a twin mom" and that things were going really well and it felt "good?"

I most definitely jinxed myself, because last night was our worst night yet. Sam and Anna tag-teamed us from our attempt to put them to sleep at around 10 pm all the way until 5 am. Seriously.

It started with what we think was/is a gas issue with Sam. Because it kept bothering him, we started dealing with an extremely overtired little baby. His screams kept waking Anna up, which created another extremely overtired little baby. Those same screams also created one massive migraine that made me physically ill. Not a good combo at all. I left my husband on his own amidst all the screaming from 2-3 am so I could get a little sleep to hopefully make the migraine go away. At 3, I relieved him so he could sleep for 4 1/2 hours before leaving for work. After feeding both babies about 4 am, I think I reset their internal clocks because both babies were able to fall asleep (Praise God!) But albeit, not in the bassinet but in a swing and bouncy chair- for two reasons: so my husband could really sleep and in the hopes that keeping them upright would help. Then I crawled onto the couch for a blessed 2 1/2 hours of continuous sleep. The screaming was finally over.

We consulted our friend, my "expert" mommy of 4 children- and she said that the third week is sort of a "wake up week." Fussiness starts ... Babies are waking up and becoming less of a newborn at this point. They're becoming aware of new sensations and stuff ... and this is when gas issues often surface.

So today we are armed with Mylicon drops and ready to face another night. Sam and Anna have been relatively good today (especially compared to last night) with minor fussy episodes. We are both crossing our fingers, hoping and praying not to have a repeat performance tonight!

Happy Due Date!

Today was the date that has been in my head since July 2009. Today is officially my babies' due date. Once we found out it was twins in August, instead of March 28th being the date I hoped to deliver, March 28th became the date I knew I'd have my babies in my arms by. Sam and Anna are almost 3 weeks old, and although sometimes the nights seem long, (when we are awake) the days seem to be flying by. Before I know it, my precious children will be a month old- and I'm sure in a blink of an eye, they will be walking, talking, and going to kindergarten, too!

Friday was my first day solo parenting for 10 hours because my husband went back to work. We decided that we would use Friday as our trial day- in case things were rough, we'd have the weekend to recuperate before facing another work day. I am happy to say that not only did I survive, but things went better than I thought! The first naps were at almost the same time, which allowed me to actually get dressed and brush my teeth before 10 am that time (a major feat, considering there have been days where I've still been in my pjs at 2 or 3 in the afternoon). The second nap coincided a little less well, but without major fusses. For the most part, I fed one and then the other (which I prefer when I can, so each baby gets a little one-on-one cuddle with mommy time) and we only had one tandem bottle feeding to prevent crying. I was proud of how well it went, but yet still pretty happy when reinforcements came home that evening. I really think one baby would be a piece of cake by myself during the day- you can't truly understand what it's like with two newborns and only two hands unless you've tried it!

Photos of our day with just the three of us :)

I've always been a big multi-tasker- it doesn't seem right if I'm not doing two things at once. I get bored easily if my mind and body are actively engaged in something or multiple things (This comes in pretty handy while teaching because you always have to be on your toes with 5 year olds. You are always doing a dozen things at the same time in a kindergarten classroom). I think this has really helped me adjust to life with twins pretty well. I've gotten pretty used to typing while holding a baby, feeding one while comforting the other, and a few nights ago I even ate a salad while holding a baby in the other hand. I came to the realization last night, that I was born to be a mom to twins. I knew it would extremely hard, but I am loving every moment of being a mom to our instant family with two children at once. It just feels right and it feels so good.

My parents are coming to visit today and will be staying for a week. Although at times their visits can be stressful, I can honestly say this time I am excited for them to be here to have the extra help for a few days. Last week we were on our own every day and it is nothing short of exhausting every single second. My husband's 30th birthday is on Thursday, so I'm also happy that my parents can babysit and I can take him out for dinner on his birthday. It will be the first time we've left our babies with someone else!

Yesterday I broke out the Sleepy Wrap to try out with both Sam and Anna. I have been excited to use it since I ordered it months ago. (So excited, that I will admit I wore it with a doll while I was pregnant to try it out) I was thrilled to learn that both Sam and Anna like it! There were a few cries at first as they got used to it, but each one quickly snuggled in and fell asleep. I did laundry, cleaned for my parents, put on makeup and tended to the other child while I wore one baby in the Sleepy Wrap. I haven't put them both in at the same time yet, but I will soon! That thing is awesome, and I really recommend it!

Sam in the Sleepy Wrap

Twins... But Yet So Different

One of the unique aspects of having twins is that you have an instant way to notice each babies quirks and personalities through side by side comparison. While I'm not going to make a habit of constantly comparing my children throughout their life, it has been fascinating to see how similar and how very different they are in only two short weeks. If there was only one baby in our household right now, I don't think I would pick up on as many of their unique traits.

Sam:
Sam is such a wiggle worm and has been since he first arrived in the hospital. He is also very strong and even lifted his head by himself while pushing up with his arms in the hospital bassinet. Sam hates being changed and naked... I have a feeling this will change as he gets older though! Sam is very vocal- his grunts and wheezes while feeding crack me up. While asleep he tends to raise his eyebrows. He also sticks his bottom lip out when he's sleeping. Sam is the more impatient twin, and simply cannot wait for you to get a bottle to his mouth fast enough- boy, does he let you know it! He also wants to be held most of the time, although this is something he will have to learn won't happen as much as he wants. Sam also hates bath time! While he looks more like my husband, I can tell he has my nose and ears. I'm pretty sure he's got serious dimples that I can't help but plant a kiss on. His hair poofs up, just like his daddy, too!

Anna:
Anna is our silent observer. She loves to stare at faces or out into space for long periods of time without moving. While Sam is a ferocious eater, Anna is slow and steady... which usually results in her finishing before Sam (reminds me of the story of the race between turtle and hare- slow and steady wins the race). She is pretty quiet while eating too. Anna tends to be a sloppy eater with dribbles going all over the place. She usually has pretty juicy burps too. Anna is content during most wet diaper changes, and will often stay asleep through them, despite best efforts to rouse her. While sleeping Anna will push her top lip to one side and the bottom lip to the other side. She likes when her body is submerged during bath times. Anna likes to wrinkle her forehead, like she's very unhappy with you for whatever it is that you are doing. But when she's angry- boy, she really lets you know it! Anna has more of my features, but like Sam, has their dad's long monkey toes.

There was a time during IF when I wasn't sure any children we had would have either my or my husband's features. For the past nine months, like any pregnant person, I wondered what my children would look like. Unlike most pregnant people, I can also say that the thought had crossed my mind once or twice that there could have been a mix up at the clinic and either eggs/sperm/or embryos could have been switched and a child I gave birth to could have looked like neither one of us. Now that they are here, I have been surprised how much Anna looks like pictures of me as a newborn, and how much Sam looks like my husband's newborn pictures. I didn't really think they would look dramatically similar, but yet I am surprised how different they look. They are so very different, but like any mother of multiple children, I love them equally. It is amazing to finally be able to understand that kind of motherly love for two children- the kind of love my own mother has for my brother and I.

Two Weeks Old!

Happy 2 week birthday, Sam and Anna!

Yesterday we trekked to the pediatric cardiologist's appointment with both babies. It took an hour long drive to get there. It is not fun to drive that far with two 2-week-old babies, hang out at the doctor's for a few hours, then return home after another hour long drive. That was pretty much our day, and I was exhausted by the time we got home. I think the change in our routine threw off the babies routine too, because last night was not a good sleep night around here. Some days/nights are better than others- so I'm hoping for a good one tonight!

The good news from the pediatric cardio doc was that Anna's VSD heart murmur sounds very high pitched, which is a great thing. She showed us on a diagram where the hole is located. According to her opinion, she thinks it will be very unlikely that Anna will ever need medication or surgery (but is isn't completely ruled out). She thinks it is likely to close on its own, or may just always be there throughout her life. We go back for a monitoring appointment six weeks from now. If things look good at that appointment, we won't have to go back until Anna is 6 months old, and then if things still look great- we don't go back until Anna is 3. That would be the best case scenario. For the next six weeks though, we just need to keep a close eye to make sure her lips aren't turning blue, watch how she is eating- to make sure she isn't laboring while sucking- and make sure she is gaining weight. Anna got weighed yesterday and was 5 lbs 9 oz- up 9 oz from last week, so that's a great sign. We've been noticing she's eating with more vigor lately, too. While we were watching Man vs. Food, Anna decided to have her own food challenge, and downed 4 oz (!) of formula in one sitting. Sam and Anna have been consistently drinking 2-3 oz each time lately, so this is the first 4 oz feeding we've had.

Or it could be that I have a very competitive little girl on my hands (taking after her momma?) and wants to close in on her big brother Sam. At Sam's two-week weight check today, he weighed 6 lbs 4 oz, up 13 oz since last week. According to some info I have, they should gain 1/2 oz to 1 oz a day on average right now. Way to go Sam! That weight gain makes sense because you can tell that both babies' faces are filling in a little bit. I wonder how long it will be before newborn-sized clothes won't look so huge on them and how much longer they will wear newborn-sized diapers.

We also took the babies on their first store trip today. A benefit to formula feeding that I didn't even think of until the decision was made: I get to drink alcohol again. During the 3 + years of TTC, I very sparingly drank, "just in case." Then I completely stopped a few months before the IVF because I wanted to be in the best physical condition for it. And of course, I haven't had a thing to drink in over 9 months. So since we live within walking distance to a grocery store, we went for a walk to pick up some tequila for margaritas to go with our Mexican dinner. Is it wrong that their first trip to a store was to buy alcohol? Eh- I think not. I also got my first real experience with curious strangers- we were in and out of the store in a matter of minutes, and yet there were several people that made comments and wanted to look. I know this is only the beginning of the rest of our lives of being a twin-sideshow attraction. It was kind of fun today, though. I do have to say that it was the best tasting margarita I've had in a long, long time.

More baby pictures:

This is a good example of one of Sam's sleeping faces with raised eyebrows

Anna is such a observer, she often sleeps with her eyes partially open- I think because she still wants to see what's going on!

The Breastfeeding Saga

Ahh, breastfeeding. What an adventure. How my children were being fed was the center of my thinking for the first week of their life. Now that that has changed, I feel fully able to take a step back and reflect on my experiences.

I started breastfeeding within an hour of their birth. It took a while after the c-section to fix and clean me up, and get the babies weighed/cleaned up and get their HepB shots taken care of, among other things. I was so anxious to start, because I knew that the sooner the better was important for success.

We tried (oh we tried) for their first 48 hours. We had several factors working against us. Anna's small size and my large chest were one of the biggest challenges. She had a very difficult time getting her tiny mouth around more than just my nipple (read:ouch). Her small size also presented another challenge- any baby has to work hard at nursing, and she didn't have the stamina to keep at it for as long as she needed to (who knows if her heart murmur also made things more difficult for her?). There was also the added challenge of TWO babies that needed to figure things out. Just when one baby finally had success, there was no down time to bask in that success - I immediately had to switch to the other child and start the painful process of getting things going again. The babes needed to be fed at least every 2-3 hours. It took 45 minutes to almost an hour for each baby to successfully feed. That means I only had an hour or so of down time before needing to start all over again, if I was lucky- even throughout the night. Some times, I had a 15 minute break- enough time to go to the bathroom and drink some water before starting the process again.

After the second night, I was in rough shape from lack of sleep and my own recovery. I probably slept 4 hours of disjointed sleep total in those 2 days. I just wanted to hold my babies, damn it, and enjoy them- not struggle to do something that hurt and frustrated all of us 24/7. I was getting upset that my husband got to do all the cuddling, all the diaper changes and had time to do things like go to the bathroom and brush his teeth. Sam was finally starting to get the hang of things during the second night. That second night feeding Sam that one time was one of the only times when I felt happy to be breastfeeding. If Anna was as successful, I may have tried to continue longer.

On the second day, the babies vitals were taken, and it was determined that they had lost 8-9% of their birth weight. It is a concern when they get to 10% and we were dangerously close. Because they were so small, they had a much smaller amount of ounces that they could loose. A 9 or even 7 lb baby has a little more room to lose a few ounces. We had a discussion with the pediatrician about the need to supplement very soon. We discussed using a feeding tube and I hit rock bottom- it was just too much and I was falling apart. The struggles and lack of sleep had done me in and I wanted to be DONE.

We called in a nurse and told her the decision through tears. She called in the lactation consultant and we had a long chat. We decided to pump and then supplement with formula afterwards to make sure the babies were gaining enough weight. Sam could have continued breastfeeding because he was getting the hang of it and lost less weight, but we felt strongly that both children were going to be fed the same way. I felt like a huge weight lifted because I knew I wouldn't be trying so hard and still have babies that were too small. So on the second day, I threw in the towel on nursing and turned to pumping.

Pumping went relatively well at the hospital compared to breastfeeding. It didn't take nearly as long and we were able to start working on a feeding routine by feeding both at the same time instead of feeding around the clock. My poor nipples which had already started to bleed from two days of constantly nursing began to heal quickly. That third night in the hospital, I actually got 4 hours of continuous sleep, which felt glorious! I was able to hold my babies and just enjoy them. People were able to visit me because my boobs weren't hanging out literally all the time(although I did make my mother and MIL leave the room while I pumped). And most importantly, the babies' weight started to rebound.

Once we came home on Saturday, I continued pumping. As we started to regain our normal household activities- laundry, washing dishes, taking care of our dogs- as well as baby care, pumping started to be a huge time drain as well. If I pumped in the living room, we needed to shut the curtains. If I was pumping in another room like our bedroom, I felt isolated. When people were visiting, I was shut away in a room by myself pumping. We are still on a 2-3 hour schedule, with eating at least every three hours. A friend of mine said pumping for one baby is like feeding twins (because you do one and then the other) and pumping for twins is like having triplets. Granted, it took less time to pump and feed than exclusively breastfeeding (and then supplementing) but it still took a long time. I was feeling very drained and frustrated that although I was pumping, we still were giving half breast milk and half formula via bottle. I was tired. So one week after the babies were born, I stopped pumping and we switched to exclusively formula. I felt free. I felt like I had my energy back. I felt like I could actually enjoy my babies. I felt like my husband and I could finally each contribute 50% of the baby care.

I know that had breastfeeding been a success, in time I could tandem feed and it would have taken less time than solely formula feeding. But ultimately, breastfeeding was not for me.

I still have moments where I feel like I failed. Where I have enormous guilt for not providing what I should for my babies. The closeness of breastfeeding when it worked was awesome- and I felt those great hormones being released. But more often I felt frustrated, in pain, and unhappy. A happy mom = happy babies, so deep down I know I decided to do what was best for our children. I firmly believe that unless you have a very strong desire to breastfeed your twins(which I did not- if you remember I was on the fence while pregnant) and are willing to get past what seems like the impossible, exclusively breastfeeding twins will not work. I have often heard people say that breastfeeding their baby was the hardest thing they've ever done. Times that by two and I think it is easy to understand why my children are now formula-fed.

In the end, I am happy. And a happy mom = happy babies.

First Appointments and More!

On Wednesday, we took our babies to their first ever pediatrician appointment. It was early, at 8 am- and our first experience getting both us and them ready to leave the house. I am proud to say that we actually made it to the doctor's office 5 minutes early. Go us!

Sam and Anna were both weighed, and Anna made herself at home by peeing on the scale. I figure better her than Sam! At 8 days old, Anna is back up to her birth weight of 5 lbs even. Sam weighed 5 lbs 7 oz- so he was 3 oz shy of his birth weight. In the next two weeks we will be going back once weekly for weight checks because they are so small. Once Anna hits 6 lbs, she will be able to ditch the car seat bed. I think that will make her very happy as she does not like to ride flat. She cries and cries. On the way home, we figured out a way to soothe her discomfort- by playing Bob Marley. I listened to my Bob Marley CD every morning on my way to work during the pregnancy, often singing along. In utero, I could tell the babies recognized my favorite songs because they tended to be more active while I was playing them and singing. Lo and behold, Anna instantly settled once those songs started playing on our drive home. It was really neat to watch.

Both Anna's and Sam's head and length put them at the 10%ile and besides Anna's heart murmur, they are both perfectly healthy. Their pediatrician even complimented us on how relaxed and calm my husband and I both were- she said we didn't seem like first time parents.

I also had a followup appointment in the afternoon to check my c-section incision. I decided to drive by myself so we didn't have to cart the babies on the 45 minute drive one way. While driving, I got really sad because I realized it was the first time I left my babies somewhere without me (but they were with their totally competent dad). I started crying when I realized it was the first time that I was without them since July. It was a really lonely feeling. Lovely baby blues. :)

The good news is that in 8 days, I have already lost almost 30 lbs of pregnancy weight. Go me! The depressing news is that I have almost 40 lbs to go to get back to my pre-IVF weight which is my smallest weight ever as well. The incision looked good, so I just have to go back at 6 weeks for the post-partum appointment. I have big plans to go for marathon walks in the beautiful spring and summer weather once I get the okay from my doctor. Hopefully that will help melt off some of that 40 lbs.

After the appointment I stopped to look for some preemie sized clothes for both of them. I got a few things, but it isn't easy to find preemie clothes. After trying them out, I decided some will need to be returned because length wise the two are falling in between preemie and newborn sized clothing. Why is it that some companies think preemies are short and fat??? Fat is the last thing a baby gains. Preemie clothes should be skinny. I can't wait until they get a little bigger and out of the awkward in between clothing size- we have way to many cute newborn clothes that I am dying to dress them up in!

Now some new pictures:

1 week old

Fighting like siblings alreadyStarting Sam early on a little Eric CarleAnna's first tummy timeOur family is complete

Answering Questions

A post ago, a lot of comments asked questions that I'd be happy to answer.

• The carseat bed: Anna needed to come home in a carseat bed because she was under 5 lbs when we were released. This was our hospital's requirement. They would not do a carseat test, although it was talked about. This varies from place to place, I've been finding out. The nurses at the hospital said she would need to be in it until she reached 7 lbs- which I didn't understand since Sam weighed 5 lbs 5 oz when he left the hospital in the infant carrier. We asked our pediatrician at our appointment yesterday and she would like Anna to stay in the carseat bed until she is 6 lbs. The hospital provided the carseat bed and we do not have to return it. I'm sure my insurance is paying for it though. :) Our pediatrician also said she would not recommend walking with Anna in the carrier with a stroller unless someone can walk right alongside it to make sure she is okay (which is why you saw it in the stroller picture).

• What kind of stroller was in the picture: It is a Graco Duo Glider, which fits and matches our carseats. I am going to a big "twin sale" in April (Lisa, since you live in WI- the twin sale is in Madison. Let me know if you want more details since you are also having twins!) and plan on looking for a Snap N Go there- I couldn't justify buying two new strollers right away, and wanted to have the stroller that would last the longest first. I am more okay with a used Snap and Go since it doesn't need to match the carriers and since we can only use it while the babies can fit in their infant carriers.

• Pee-Pee-Teepees: We do not have any. I remember reading some negative feedback about the teepees. My husband was covering everything correctly... except for the split second he went to make sure it was pointing down and not up. Wish I could have gotten a picture!

• Bath Time: Our hospital recommends a submersion bath over sponge bathing, even with the stump still attached- they said it didn't matter if it got wet but to make sure the area dried fully. Anna's stump fell off before we ever did a bath at home- after 5 days. Sam's stump fell off yesterday when he was 8 days old. Sam's bath was a sponge bath without soap because he was healing from his circ.

• Feeding: I have purposely not posted about breastfeeding yet, while I gather my thoughts. Feeding has been monopolizing most of my thinking time since they were born and I wanted things to simmer down and reflect on everything before pounding out the keys. That being said, I think I am at a place where I can finally share our breastfeeding saga. So I'll answer the breastfeeding/tandem feeding/supplementing/etc. questions soon!

Are These Really MINE?

Oh. My. God. Is it really possible to love something this much? I could stare at these faces all day. Sometimes I just can't resist the urge to pepper them with kisses. I can't believe these two miracles are ours.

What A Week!

Wow- what a difference a 4 hour nap stretch makes- for both me and the babies! Last night I got a good almost 4 hour sleep stretch leaving me feeling refreshed enough to get through the day with no naps AND the babies took a good almost 4 hour nap this afternoon which afforded me the luxury of getting caught up reading all the posts on blogs I read. Now, that doesn't mean I had time to comment on everyone's... but at least I know what's going on with everybody!

We left the hospital on Saturday, after 4 days. It was a good week to be stuck inside- all week long it had been dreary, rainy, foggy and melty. Now this week so far has been gorgeous: sunny and super warm for March in Wisconsin. While in the hospital my mom and mother in law both visited, as well as two co-workers and one friend.

Both babies in a hospital bassinet

Getting Samuel ready to go home from the hospital

Annabel was too small for a regular infant car seat, so she went home in a carseat bed

The first night was really hard- kind of like the first night with a new puppy. No one gets any sleep. We discovered that the babies weren't used to sleeping with no lights on, because they were in the nursery most of the night at the hospital. Since our mothers visited for three days before we were home I also think Sam and Anna got used to being held while sleeping and didn't really like the larger open space of the co-sleeper. I think I got two hours of sleep that first night. The next night was better, and last night was better still.

Overall, we've got a good routine of: sleep for 2-3 hours, diaper change, eat then repeat. Whoever wakes first gets the first diaper change and then when the changing pad is open we wake the second baby and start the process with that baby. Doing this for the past 3 days has really kept them on the same "schedule." I count my blessings that they pretty consistently sleep for around 3 hours at a time and they eat fairly well, although awfully slowly.

First baths. Sam wasn't a fan.

Anna liked her bath much better. Her umbilical cord fell off after only 5 days. Sam's is still on.

My favorite part of every day: snuggling a baby.

Double miracle blanket swaddling

We've discovered that both babies like our swing (except we need a super slow speed, so we end up just pushing it a little and letting it swing) and one of our bouncer chairs. So far we just rotate between those two. We haven't broken out our other swing or bouncer yet.

First matching outfit

(We don't really have many- My husband loves moose)

The weather has been so gorgeous, we went on our first walk around the block to celebrate being one week old !

Sam was on a roll today- he managed to pee on himself just about every time he was changed. My husband also got ceremonially peed on for the first time- Sam packed quite a punch: it went all over him, my husband, the changing pad, the wall and even on top of the diaper genie. I couldn't stop laughing even though it really hurt my incision!

My Birth Story

I am choosing to forgo a nap for this post... and am crossing my fingers that two sleeping babies don't wake up and thwart my plans. I can't believe that my twins will be one week old tomorrow (!) so if I don't get to the birth story now, I have a sneaking suspicion that my blog writing days might just slowly fade away. I don't want to stop blogging, so here you go:

Tuesday morning I woke up around 4 am and had pretty frequent contractions- about 1-2 minutes apart, but not super painful(which was not unusual). What was different that time was that I couldn't fall back asleep through the contractions and they kept up for 3 hours. I waited until my husband was just about to get up for work at 7 am and mentioned what I was feeling. We hemmed and hawed whether we should call or not to see if we should go in. After my husband called, the nurse said maybe wait and see if they increased, but then said my doctor was actually at the birthing center so she would go ask him. My OB said to go ahead and come in (and make sure to bring my bags). So I put all the last minute things in our bags feeling the whole while that I was jumping the gun and didn't want to drive the 45 minutes one-way just to turn around and come home. I had two appointments that morning: physical therapy and a lunch date with a friend and I knew that I would have to cancel them; which I hated to do if we were just going to come back home.

When we arrived at about 9:45 am, I saw the bus for my class sitting in the parking lot near the ER. They were there for a field trip at the emergency room. I didn't stop by to say hi, mostly because I was full of nerves and didn't want to get their hopes up that today was the day, either. At one point several weeks ago I thought it would be really fun if I delivered while they were at the hospital because my hospital plays lullaby music right after a baby is born for the entire hospital. Little did I know at the time that I would be only an hour and a half too late!

While walking to the room, the nurse leading us said, "big day today, huh?" And not wanting to jinx it, I said, "maybe..." But she replied with, "Oh, I talked to Dr. AJ- yes, it is going to be." And my adrenaline started racing. The whole way to the hospital my husband kept saying he thought Dr. AJ would say we could go ahead and do the c-section, but I didn't think so. My doctor examined me at about 10:30 am and said that I was not progressed enough to proceed with a vaginal delivery but did say that we could do a c-section that day if I wanted to. He typically does scheduled c-sections on Tuesdays and Fridays and if you remember, was leaving for a conference that afternoon and would be gone until next week. He was comfortable with doing the c-section because I was past 37 weeks and we had scheduled one for the following Tuesday. Several thoughts went through my head: 1.) I really wanted him to deliver the twins, and I was afraid the babes wouldn't hold out until next week. 2.) If I did make it to the following week I would be having a c-section anyway 3.) I was tired of being in pain and miserable 4.) but scared to death of making that decision on the spot! I'm not a good decision maker- I like to vacillate several times before I am forced to decide anything. BUT I went ahead and said okay, let's do it.

My doctor told the nurse to schedule it for 11:30 am, and then left. My nurse began scrambling around and said that only an hour didn't give her much time to prep me for the surgery. During that time, I laid there soaking in every last little kick in my belly; knowing I would never again experience that feeling. I ended up in the OR getting ready for the spinal at about 11:45 am. The spinal wasn't that bad at all- I had an awesome anesthesiologist who was super kind. After I laid on the table and couldn't feel my lower half and the sheet went up, I really started to second guess my choice. I told my husband, " I guess it's probably too late to change my mind, huh?"

The only bad part of the whole c-section was some of the meds the anesthesiologist gave me. I guess my blood pressure got too high, so she compensated the meds, then my blood pressure went really low and she gave me something for that. All of a sudden my lips got really, really tingly and numb (like the feeling you get when you're getting drunk but without the fun part).

And then I heard the first cry.

And then I thought I heard a second cry.

But then the sound got really weird and I could hear everyone talking but I couldn't at the same time. I knew my husband was talking to me but his voice blended with the anesthesiologist's and the cries blended with the doctor's and nurses' voices but in a really discordant, scary way. I imagine it was like tripping out on some bad acid- it felt like I was in a horror movie fun house. And then I started to freak out. But my husband and the anesthesiologist talked me down.

Then it all got better from there on out. I asked if they were both out and if they were both okay several times. They brought over Sam and said, "this is your son." And that word son hit me so hard I started bawling. Then they brought over Anna and held both of them close to my head. I will never forget that moment; the first time I saw my son and my daughter. I listened closely to all the talking so I could hear that Sam scored 8 and 9 on his Apgars and Anna scored 9 and 9. Both really good for c-section scores. Sam was born at 12:07 pm and Anna at 12:08 pm- only a few hours after we arrived at the hospital.

My husband went with the babies to get weighed, cleaned up, get their first Hepatitis B shot, etc. while I got stitched and cleaned up. I vaguely remember getting wheeled back to my room and waiting for the babies to get done, which seemed like an eternity. Then they were finally brought to my room and I got to hold them together for the first time. We attempted the first breastfeeding... but breastfeeding is at the least, a post unto itself. Stay tuned for that.

Overall, I think the c-section went really well (except for the scary sound issue). I don't regret not laboring one bit. We were really surprised at how small they both were; especially since our last u/s weight estimates were almost 5 lbs over 3 weeks earlier and were both always almost the same at every u/s. It just shows that those weights are just estimates. I think if I had known that Anna was only 5 lbs I might have delayed the c-section for the following week to give her one more week to grow. I love that our babies were "perfect"- no squished heads from the birth canal. I love that I didn't have to go through all the pain of labor to bring them into the world. I am so glad that I didn't have to have both a vaginal delivery and a c-section. My recovery so far has been pretty great. From what I've read it sounds like it could be much much worse. The worst part, now that I'm home, is the gas pain and the pain when my colon/intestines kick it into high gear.

So this was really long, and maybe you didn't want that much detail. I wanted to record every detail that I could remember feeling or thinking at the time. Kudos to you if you read the whole post! Some pictures of the preceding events:

Seeing them for the first time

Holding them for the first time

Samuel Jacob: born first

Annabel Marie: born second

Anna's News

I think I will have to force myself to find time for a post a day to recount all the craziness and moments of the last few days before they become distant memories. I know I need to share the birth story; my adventures in breastfeeding and pumping; life with twins; surviving the first 24 hours at home; ... and much more I'm sure- as things develop.

I think the most important thing for me to blog about right now is some news we were given a day into our hospital stay. It appears Anna has a heart murmur. She was given an EKG to determine what type. I guess PDA heart murmurs are pretty common and resolve themselves. Obviously we were hoping for a PDA. Unfortunately, Anna does not have a PDA- she has a VSD heart murmur. VSD stands for ventricular septal defect. A ventricular septal defect is a defect in the ventricular septum, the wall dividing the left and right ventricles of the heart. It is a congenital heart defect and has nothing to do with her small size at birth. It was not detected during the perinatologist's u/s because she was not using her lungs in the womb so the blood flow through the chambers was reduced- making it not possible to see before birth.

We were referred to a pediatric cardiologist that will see Anna in 2-3 weeks. Then we will be able to find out if it is a small hole (which often close on their own as the heart grows) or larger (which might require surgical intervention, medicine, and I don't know what other possibilities). We won't know more until then. In the meantime, we were told it is not affecting her and there is nothing serious that we need to look for.

Please keep our little peanut Annabel in your prayers. Please pray that it is a very small VSD and send healing thoughts her way.

Baby Pictures!

12 hours old- This one is my favorite!

(If you were wondering... these are preemie sized clothes. Still a little big for Anna)

All Belly Shots

Announcing Our Arrivals!

Samu.el (Sam) Jacob was born March 9th at 12:07 pm via c-section, weighing 5 lbs 10 oz and was 18" long.

Anna.bel (Anna) Marie was born March 9th at 12:08 pm also via c-section, weighing 5 lbs and was 17 1/2" long.

Happy 37 Weeks, Babies!

Dear Babies: Now that we are officially full-term, will you please consider coming out now??? Your mama doesn't want to lug around 13 lbs of baby inside- I would much prefer holding 13 lbs of baby in my arms...

I edited the poll to more accurately fit the days we have left. Please re-vote, and maybe we can be more accurate this time.

According to thebump.com, I have two watermelons in there. Yowza. Time to be done, I think!

(I wanted to also add a little info for my last post: to my OB's defense, he is not on vacation next week- he is at a conference. Something my husband vaguely remembers him telling us way, way back when we starting seeing him.)

Still waiting.... (there's only so many times you can refold and look at baby clothes)... twiddling my fingers... watching the clock...

Ho Hum

Still here, and getting very tired of spending the past two weeks creating a fantastic ass-shaped imprint on my couch (thanks for the vivid imagery, JB). Except for the December hospital drama, I have had the most boring twin pregnancy ever. I know, I know- I am not complaining about that: boring pregnancy=healthy babies. However, it is really starting to feel like they are never coming out and I'm going to be this huge gargantuan whale for the rest of my life. I figured out today that I now weigh 150% of what I weighed a year ago. I wistfully watched old ladies enjoying the weather on a walk today because they looked so darn mobile.

Irrational as it is, the infertile side of me won't truly believe that we have two babies until I see them in person and bring them home with us. Right now I read about everyone else's births and how close it seems everybody else is and I'm convinced they will all have their babies in their arms before I do (and yes, I mean all the lovely ladies I read on my blogroll. Your babies are so close, they feel even closer than mine). When I'm being super irrational, the thought crosses my mind that it's maybe all a farce anyway. I realize that most people wait 40 weeks (or more) to see their bundle of joy- but to me, I've waited 4 years for this (or my whole life). 11 more days seems like complete torture when I really thought they'd already be here by now.

On to the OB appointment and NST: Everything is good with the babies. The not-so-good news is that my doctor will be out of town next week, so that makes scheduling an induction or a c-section for next week a no-go. I have to wait until March 16th for that (38 weeks 2 days) if it comes to something that has to be scheduled. The other side of that is if I go into labor from this Monday until next Monday, my doctor will not be delivering my children. Interestingly- when I was processing this news and starting to get upset (not outwardly upset though), our little girl's heartrate shot up really high. Once I calmed down, it dropped again.

For now, my schedule remains ridiculously open- with no plans at all, in the event that the babies decide to make their grand debut. I'm not holding my breath- I'm very suspicious that they'd stay in there until they were 18, if I let them. Imagine how cramped the space would be then.

What I Am Going To Miss... And Not So Much

What I'm Going To Miss:

• The feeling that I'm carrying around two miracles everywhere I go
• The kicks, rolls and hiccups of my two little ones
• Listening to the sweet sound of their heartbeats
• Seeing them grow on each consecutive ultrasound
• The unique connection between my little ones and me
• My husband reading stories to my tummy
• My husband's tummy kisses
• People telling me how great I look and their willingness to help me do things
• Eating whatever I want to eat and my husband's willingness to run to the grocery story to indulge any food fancy
• Not having to suck my stomach in
• Taking a nap whenever I feel like it/doing things on my own itinerary
  

What I'm Not Going To Miss:

• The back pain, hip pain, joint pain, arch pain in my feet, etc.
• Swollen feet
• Having a runny nose for 9 months that always results in a little blood
• The close relationship that I've developed with the bathroom
• Going to the doctor so often
• Getting the annoying calls confirming each and every appointment and verifying my insurance/personal information before every single appointment
• Wondering and worrying about what is going to happen, when they will come, will they be healthy, what will they look like, etc.
• The effort it takes to get up off of the couch or to get in and out of vehicles
• Sleeping on my side
• Each sensation that I can't identify in my stomach that makes me wonder what's going on- is something wrong, are these contractions, is this It?
• Having to eat so much that I'm sick of all food
• Poo issues- 'nough said
• A ridiculously small wardrobe
• Heartburn and acid reflux
• Waking up because my arm has fallen asleep
• Leg cramps
• Watching my stretch marks grow every day
  

It's Always Something

So my dog most definitely has a tumor in his mouth and because of the location, needs anesthesia to do a biopsy. They will remove as much of it as they can and then analyze a sample to find out if it is malignant or benign, what type of tumor, whether it will continue to grow, etc. The cost of the procedure to put him under and just do the biopsy is around $700.

This pretty much solidifies the fact that I will be going back to work at school for the last three weeks of the school year.

This royally sucks on so many many levels.

So March It Is

February with its full moon this weekend passed with nada in the baby department. I'm still here at home, still in exponentially worse pain, and now gestating at over 36 weeks. Obviously they just aren't ready to come out yet. My body is definitely saying it has had enough, but my uterus isn't listening!

I had my weekly OB appointment and NST last Thursday, and things were same as usual. The babes did great on the NST (this time I drank OJ before the appointment so I wouldn't have to drink juice after a while there, and boy did that work!) My OB won't check my cervix yet, because even if I was dilated it wouldn't be any sort of true indicator of when I'd go into labor anyway. I could be at 1-2 cm for weeks, or go from 2-10 cm in the same day. So whatever. I also had my GBS test. My next appointment is on Friday. Maybe I'll get a cervix check then. He did say two weeks ago that he'd be okay with inducing/scheduling a c-section for 37 weeks-38 weeks, so I'm hoping that if I make it to Friday's appointment, I can say, "let's schedule that c-section for Tuesday March 9th!" (At 37 weeks, 2 days) I'm really trying to hold that date in my head so I know I only have 8 more days left, at the most. Believing that I could have more than that is almost too much for me to bear at this point. I'm in major pain here. This body was not made to carry 11-13 lbs of baby or gain 60+ lbs in a few short months and it reminds me of that every second of the day and night.

This weekend was a hard weekend for us in other ways, not pregnancy-related. We discovered my black lab Benelli has what appears to be a tumor in his mouth, on the top jaw, way in the back. He is 7 1/2 years old and had a cancerous tumor removed from his leg 3 years ago. We've always said he's a cancer survivor. It doesn't appear to be bothering him, so the earliest the vet can/will get him in is on Tuesday afternoon. If it is a tumor, we are thinking it isn't removable anyway because of the location. He's my first dog, he'll always be my first baby, and I'm not ready to lose him yet. As he's gotten older, I knew the day I'd have to say goodbye was getting closer and closer, but it just doesn't seem fair to have this happen at a time when my head and heart must be focused on other things. One of our baby daydreams while TTC was imagining our children trying to say his name and coming out with "Nelli." I could always picture toddlers trying to climb on top of him and pulling his tail, and Benelli taking it all like a champ. He has to stick around for a lot longer for those to happen. He'll always be my favorite dog and I love him so much. Please send good thoughts our way that we are wrong- that it is not a tumor and is something that is easily treatable.

I'll leave you with some pictures of my lovable, huggable dog that has been through so much with us in the past 7 years:

See how good he'd be with kids?

My Benelli