Belly Shots 25-27 weeks

25 weeks

26 weeks

27 weeks

Wowza... I get even more huge every week! I'm going to spare you the bare belly shots from here on out, because stretch marks made their first appearance this week. It started with two tiny lines under my stomach on Tuesday, then when I woke up this morning there were a couple more... Maybe it's because I'm still measuring 9 weeks ahead according to my OB; my belly is the size of someone pregnant with one baby at 36 weeks right now. I still have my belly button though, thanks to a deep innie to begin with. Interestingly enough, I weighed the same at this appointment as I did 4 weeks ago; still a total gain of 40 lbs. I've noticed my face looks a little fuller, so it's not just in my belly any more though.

Other milestone moments this week, besides stretch marks: I woke up in the middle of the night to what I think are the first hiccups I remember feeling. My crappy sleep might be getting to me, but my little ones can wake me up at any time and I'll still love feeling them move. I also had my glucose test today- I'll find out tomorrow if I didn't pass. I wore and bought my first XL maternity top too- the one in the 27 week picture (so much for the recommendation of buying your pre-pg size). Most of my small and medium pants are still fitting, thank goodness. It is hard to justify buying new maternity clothes when any day could be my last pregnant day . But a girl's got to have more than a shirt or two that fits!

My OB was very laid back and reassuring about the contractions and hospital stay that I had last week- he's not at all concerned about a higher risk for pre-term labor and the babies showing up earlier because I had them. He thinks (as I do) that it was a isolated event. I start OB appointments every other week now that I'm pretty much in the 3rd trimester (according to different sources, the 3rd trimester starts anywhere from the beginning of week 26 to week 28). Our next perinatologist appointment (and u/s) is next week on the 8th. I think that means between the two doctors, I'll pretty much have doctor appointments every week until the twins are here!

Sleep Issues

Within the last week, my sleeping pattern has changed. I had been pretty thankful for most of this pregnancy so far that I was only making one or maybe two bathroom trips a night. I occasionally woke up with back pain, but was still able to get good chunks of sleep in. But now my sleeping pattern is totally different.

Since my hospital stay, I've been waking up about ever two hours to go to the bathroom. I still limit my drinking for a few hours before I go to bed, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. It is disappointing how little I actually go when I do plod to the bathroom- I think, "I woke up for that?" Then when I waddle back into bed I have the hardest time falling back asleep. Sometimes I think hunger is keeping me up, so I trek to the kitchen to see what I can find. But if I eat something, then I usually get heartburn or acid reflux before I can fall asleep again.

Other times, after I am back in bed my head doesn't let me fall back asleep- I immediately get consumed with thoughts about the long list of things left to be done. It usually goes like this: paint the room (choose a color), wash clothes, changing pad cover, diaper bag, window coverings, mobiles, pack hospital bag, diapers, wipes, wall art, twin nursing pillow, miracle blanket, baby books, update registry, get school stuff done,... paint the room, wash clothes, changing pad cover, diaper bag... (over and over again)

So here it is 6 am on a Sunday morning (keep in mind this is coming from a girl who up until months ago could sleep in until 11 am any day) and I'm sitting on the couch, running through the list in my brain once again, while my husband will be peacefully slumbering for probably another 5 hours. I figure I'll let him, because his days are numbered, too.

Dressers Ordered, Check!

After searching the Internet a little bit today, I found the following dressers and decided to go with them for our babies' room. The shorter dresser will work perfectly for a changing table. Thanks to online shopping on overstock.com, our babies got a Christmas present today too! Hopefully they will be delivered before the end of my winter break so I can start putting things away in them.

I also ordered letters from this website for the babies' names above the crib. I liked the ability to choose between so many fonts. We chose the Tango BT font and will be painting them white. So progress was made today!

Work Today... Who Knows About Next Time?

After finally hearing back from my OB's nurse yesterday afternoon at almost 5 pm, I was told it would be ok to "try" work today and see how it goes. So today I braved the 5 and 6 year old hyped up on Christmas, Santa, and the impending snow storm and I am happy to say I survived without any problems. (My computer contracted a virus so I was unable to use it; a major inconvenience when you are trying to get caught up after being gone unexpectedly for two days--- but personally and physically I had no problems)

My kinder co-workers helped me shuttle my class to and from lunch, special classes like art, and the bus, as well as got my mail for me throughout the day so I didn't have to walk all the way down to the office. One co-worker even hauled my holiday gift loot to my car for me. I hope their generosity continues because it really saved me a lot of steps and energy today.

I plan on going in next week while we are off of school and finishing getting everything set for the remainder of the school year (while taking it easy, of course). My other goals for the week off: packing the hospital bag (I learned the hard way this week not to let your husband pick out clothes when in a pinch- he seriously grabbed one of his Tshirts with a skull and a small hole in the front for me to wear), and get as much done in the babies' room as possible (getting it completely done might be too lofty of a goal at this point, but I'm going to try). I think a big chunk of stress about possible bedrest will be alleviated if those things get taken care of.

My next OB appointment and glucose test is on December 30th... I hope after chatting with my OB I can get a better picture of what my January will be like. In the meantime, I am unsure of how to handle the NICU nurse that said she'd be calling every few days to see how I'm doing "on bedrest." I am thankful that she is so caring to go out of her way to help so I don't want to cause any bad feelings. I'd love some advice about what I should say to her when she calls.

Stay tuned for the finished quilts as well! My friend is just finishing up the edges and I am SO EXCITED to see how they turned out and share them with all of you!

Hospital Trip Update

I was released last night at about 9 pm. I would have been able to leave earlier, but they wanted me to get the Rhogram shot (because I have O neg blood type) before I left and there was some miscommunication with the pharmacy about whether I would need blood taken before they would send up the shot- which in the end, they didn't need (because they could use the vials that were taken earlier in the day). Along with my Rhogram IM shot, I also got the second dose of the Betamethasone steroid IM shot for lung development (which needed to be given 24 hours after the first dose). Thank goodness the PIO shots I had up to 12 weeks made me a pro at getting shots in the bum- I hardly blinked at the injections.

I feel great physically, and haven't had any contractions since I was weaned off of the magnesium sulfate. There still hasn't been official word as to why they think I had the contractions- especially since there there no other indicators for pre-term labor- the doctors/nurses all said on paper I look fabulous- all my numbers look great. I know I am no doctor, but I do know my body and my job/lifestyle better than everyone else- and I think this past week really took a toll on me- I stayed up late the two nights prior, didn't drink as much water as I usually do, had long days at work all week, among other stressors (including a classroom full of hyped-up-on-Christmas 5 and 6 year olds, buying a new vehicle, a late night baby class besides getting ready for the holidays myself). I feel deep down that this was an isolated incident and a hard hitting reminder that I need to get back to making a better effort to limit everything I do, despite having that in-the-2nd-trimester-golden-period where I have the energy level of pre-pg me.

That being said, I am unsure of what the future holds for me. I am still waiting for follow-up information from my OB (he's in surgery today). I was told differing opinions from just about every nurse/resident/midwife/doctor that came into my room yesterday. My official discharge papers has the section marked that includes: continue normal activities during the day while the minimal activity/bedrest/work restrictions section is not marked. I was told to follow up with my OB at our already scheduled appointment December 30th- but I need to figure out what's happening with me and work before then.

I mentioned already that one nurse said we shouldn't travel for the holidays- which I am ok with, and we're not planning to do now (also because of the foot of snow that is expected during the time we should be driving the 4 hours). A NICU nurse had stopped by and gave my husband a tour of the NICU- she called today and is of the opinion that I should be on complete bedrest from here on out. She's planning on calling every few days to check on me. But she's not my doctor. I am really frustrated about this for a few reasons: it seems like she is taking it upon herself to tell us what to do- to my knowledge she did not get any of our information and does not know about any of my past pregnancy information, all she is aware of is that this is an IVF twin PG and that I stayed overnight with contractions at 26 weeks. I know she sees the worst of the worst situations, but I trust my OB's advice over everything else. We chose him because he is laidback- I'm not a very laidback person and I needed that from my OB to balance me out.

OF COURSE I want to do what is absolutely best for our babies- I think that should go without saying- but I don't necessarily think complete bedrest is what is absolutely best for them right now- especially since through it all, the two of them and their uterus environment were and continue to be in great shape. I really think this was an isolated incident. 12 weeks of bedrest means financially we won't be able to have enough to even buy diapers with the additional 6 weeks of unpaid leave I'd have no choice but to take. It also means I'd only get 6 weeks with them after they are born, as opposed to the 12 I'm hoping for. It also means their momma is going to be under a great deal of stress- and that's no good for all of us either!

So here I sit, waiting for my OB's nurse to call so I can get an idea whether I should be on bedrest, go to work tomorrow, plan on being done with work, or returning on January 4th. Not knowing is driving me insane.

*Please, no negative comments regarding my post- this is my place to vent and get it all out there, and I really don't need more stress to add to an already difficult situation.

Hospital Details

So Sunday morning I woke up feeling like crap. I thought I just needed to make a trip to the bathroom. Except that it didn't really stop after that. I was feeling intermittent, painful lower abdominal cramps accompanied by lower back pain. And while I am no stranger to back pain, usually mine is of the upper back variety. After about two hours, I called in to see what we should do (still not convinced that I just wasn't extremely constipated). Since they don't mess with twin pregnancy, I was instructed to head to the birthing center right away.

The birthing center at our hospital of choice is 45 minutes away. During that first drive, the cramping almost completely subsided. We were shown to a room and I still wasn't very worried, per se- I just had a feeling that they were going to be ok. I was given Zofran for the cramp-induced nausea, trebutaline for the cramps, and steroids to speed up their lung development in the chance that things would progress and not be able to be stopped. Then I started to get a little worried. I was hooked up to three monitors; one for each baby and one for the cramps to see if they were "contractions." According to the nurses at that time, they were not, and they did not seem sure what was causing my issues. A nurse did an u/s- but she wasn't really trained in how to do them, so it basically just gave her an idea where to put the monitors. The babies were doing fine while we were there- great h/b and still moving a lot as usual. My cervix still felt good according the the nurse. I was sent home about 4 hours later.

Side note- while driving home, I called my mom to let her know about the day's events. I thought I would wait until I knew what was going on before causing her unneeded worry. After I explained that we were headed home and things appeared to be fine, she told me that she had actually had a dream that morning that woke her up that the babies were born today, and couldn't get back to sleep. That really made me thankful that I waited to call her until it was over. Or what I thought was over.

After the 45 minute drive home and about a half hour, my husband left to go grocery shopping since I was doing fine. Then the cramps came back with a vengeance. This time, I did not feel that the babies were going to be just fine- I was given meds before and the pain was worse then ever. I started sobbing that it was too early and they couldn't come now. I called my husband and told him I needed him home right then. We called the birthing center and then headed right back. That 45 minute+ drive in slightly bad road conditions was the most excruciating thing, and cliche as it sounds, seemed to take forever.

This time when I was hooked up to the monitors, it was showing that I was in fact having contractions, and the nurses were concerned that the trebutaline didn't last very long to stop the cramping. I was started on magnesium sulfate- a muscle relaxant, that thanks to The Southern Belle Baby, I had just read all about and what to expect. It is some wicked stuff. I also got a u/s from a u/s tech this time and things still looked good on the babies side of things. I had some more intense cramping so my dosage of the mag sulfate was upped and I was told I would be at least staying the night. A catheter was put in (fun, fun) and I made it through the night with only one more cramping occasion. Since it was contractions without a shortening/soft cervix my OB is not calling it preterm labor. Today I only had one minor cramping incident, and so I've been slowly weaned off of the mag sulfate throughout the day. I should be able to go home tonight if things continue to go well.

I am unsure of what this means from now on- one nurse said we wouldn't be able to travel to our families' for Christmas- another said I should stop working, the NICU lady that took my husband for a tour while I was resting believes I should be on bedrest... I am concerned about the future, but ever so thankful that throughout it all, our babies were doing well and despite the contractions, nothing else was worsening/looking badly. They have 12 weeks to keep bakin'....

In the Hospital

I am in the hospital for pre-term contractions. Everything is ok with the babies right now but they are keeping me overnight. Please send prayers our way that I can go home asap and everything continues to be ok with the babies. Thanks.

So Excited!

I am getting my Christmas present a little early! My dear sweet husband is trading in his truck (which is unable to hold 2 carseats) for a Honda Pilot for me! A Pilot was our top pick for a new vehicle, but we weren't sure we'd be able to get one. We also considered other 3rd row seating SUVs like Explorers, or Mountaineers and minivans. My husband found a really good deal yesterday and so we test drove it and decided it was doable financially. We agreed he'd now drive my car (the less reliable vehicle of the two) every day unless he needed the Pilot for hunting/ice fishing/etc. I've had my car since 2002, so it is exciting to have something new to drive! I cannot wait to see two car seats in the back. It is the perfect size for two kids and two rather large labs. :) We get to bring it home on Monday.

Those Darn Pregnancy Hormones

I cried while watching a holiday Christmas commercial.

I got misty-eyed while listening to Silent Night on the radio in my car.

When I'm really overtired and I don't get a nap after school I end up crying.

And I've turned into a patience-less crazed kindergarten teacher who cannot wait, like never before, until school is over for the rest of this year (yes, I mean 2009- but it sounds better that way, doesn't it?). My poor students have unfortunately borne the wrath of this crazed kindergarten teacher an embarrassing amount lately.

Yesterday a somewhat regular substitute in our school saw me for the first time and exchanged the usual, "Oh! You're pregnant! What are you having?"conversation. She had true shock on her face when I told her a boy and a girl. I needed to tell her that yes, I am sure it is twins. Then she followed up her comments with, "I'm glad it's you and not me!" (Which, for the record, is the first time someone said that to me. Personally I think that's really rude to say!) I couldn't help it- pregnancy hormones and all- and replied: "I'm glad it's me and not you, too."

Clothing Crisis and Then Some

Something has happened in the last month or so- I got HUGE. I just finished my typical Sunday-figuring-out-what-to-wear-all-week project, and I discovered that a lot of the maternity clothes I had worn just won't cut it now. Either there isn't enough chest space (just how big are those going to get anyway???), or the shirts are too short to adequately cover my belly. I removed those shirts and a few pants from my closet, and now the closet is pitifully sparse. My few non-maternity shirts that I was able to wear somewhat recently also are a little laughable now. Crap and oh my gosh- how the heck am I going to make it to March???

Now that I'm 25 weeks, I've also had an impending sense of needing to get every last little thing done and ready. I always have in the back of my mind that a student I had last year (a twin) was delivered at 27 weeks. That's only 2 weeks away from where I am at now. We don't have the room done (painted, curtains, OR all the furniture) , we don't have a diaper bag, we don't have a changing pad cover, we don't have enough newborn clothes to cover a boy and a girl... it is a long list of things left to be done.

Major setback today too: the plan to refinish the changing table and dresser I had as a baby is no longer. After working on it for a while today, my husband concluded that is isn't possible to fix the tracks of the drawers. Now we have to find a white changing table/dresser for the room. I'm disappointed to say the least. I'm also disappointed that we could have picked different cribs in a non-white color if we knew what we know now. But it is too late to disassemble both cribs and return them. What can I do though? It is what it is- and white is what the furniture will be.

Perinatologist Appointment

Today we met the perinatologist for the first time. It is amazing how much more quickly he zipped through the u/s than all the u/s techs we've seen! It was great to see the babies again- I know that most people get one or two u/s during their pregnancy, but 7 weeks has been a long time for us to wait to see them again!

At 18 weeks they were both transverse (sideways)- I'm happy to say that now both babies are head down, facing each other (although this could change at any time). That would explain why I feel the most movement high in my belly. One is 1 lb 9 oz, and the other is 1 lb 10 oz. Dr. J said my cervix is a "super star" at just over 5 cm. I breathed a little easier after that, because a shortened cervix is more likely with a multiple PG, and the most likely cause for bedrest at this point. This too could change at any moment though. Dr. J also mentioned that 32 weeks is his magic number- that babies born at that time fair as well in the long run as a full term baby. That was something I hadn't heard before, but I still let him know we were shooting for 38 weeks. Maybe I'll change my mind later, but for now, that's a good goal for me to have.

At the last u/s I got very lightheaded after about an hour. This time I lasted maybe 20 minutes on my back before I almost fainted. Everything started to get dark and it started to sound like I was in a tunnel. When I mentioned that I felt lightheaded, the nurse quickly had me turn on my left side and put a cold, wet towel on my face for a little bit. Dr. J did the rest of the u/s with me laying on my side, which was interesting.

Our next appointment with the perinatologist is in 4 weeks. Our next appointment with my OB is in 2 and a half weeks, and then I should start seeing him every 2 weeks. So basically, once I hit January (and the third trimester) I will be seeing a doctor almost every week. I can't believe how fast this is flying by; but yet the IVF in July seems so long ago.

Sweet Pea (our baby girl who is on the right side of my uterus)

Little Bean (our baby boy who is on the left side- he always has his hand by his face!)

Their heads side by side

Belly shots: 22 weeks - 24 weeks

22 weeks

23 weeks

24 weeks
The bare belly shot

Our first appointment with the perinatologist is tomorrow afternoon. I can't wait for our u/s to see how my little ones have grown!

Happy Viability Day, My Little Ones!

Happy Viability Day to you, Happy Viability Day to you

Happy Viability Day dear Little Bean and Sweet Pea,

Happy Viability Day to you!

I am now 24 weeks, which means that my babies have a greater than 50% chance of survival if they came out right now. It also means that if there was a problem I would be sent to the birthing center and not the ER. I still tell my little ones "38 weeks" every day- lest they get the wrong idea that I want them to come sooner!

How my babies are growing according to babycenter.com: My babies are growing steadily, having gained about 4 ounces each since last week. That puts them at just over a pound. Since they are almost a foot long (picture an ear of corn), they cut a pretty lean figure at this point, but their bodies are filling out proportionally and they'll soon start to plump up. Their brains are also growing quickly now, and their taste buds are continuing to develop. Their lungs are developing "branches" of the respiratory "tree" as well as cells that produce surfactant, a substance that will help the air sacs inflate once they hits the outside world. Their skin is still thin and translucent, but that will start to change soon.

How far along: 24 weeks (but measuring at 32 weeks last week)
Total weight gain: 37 lbs since 6 weeks
Stretch marks?: No, but wondering how long I will be able to say that
Sleep: Getting more used to sleeping on my side. The acid reflux is adding a new level of difficulty to sleeping though.
Best moments this week: Viability and getting the tour of the birthing center
Food cravings: hot dogs (but that has now passed)
Sex: Boy and girl!
Labor signs?: Nope
Belly Button: Disappearing
What I miss the most: Being pain-free and having energy to get everything done
What I am looking forward to the most: Our u/s on Friday- the first one in 7 long weeks.
Milestones: Viability!

Crossing Another Thing Off the List

We had our childbirthing class today. Because our hospital is a 45 minute drive from our home, and because I can barely function after a full day teaching, the evening classes just weren't an option so we went with the all day long from 9 am to 5 pm option. Although you are encouraged to take the class in the third trimester, we went with December because I didn't want to miss out because of bedrest or preterm labor. I couldn't imagine adding the stress of feeling that I didn't know enough because I missed the class on top of the stress we'd have if we went into preterm labor!

Going into today, I can't say I was excited, really- mostly because I could have used today to recover from a long week at school after a long holiday weekend of traveling and the shower. I can't say I really learned that much, but that in of itself was good, because it made me feel like I really am knowledgeable about this whole giving birth thing. Very little of it had to do with a twin birth (as I figured), but we made sure to ask questions when something came up that I wasn't sure how it pertained to us.

We did get a birthing center tour, which was something I had been really looking forward to. The entire center was recently remodeled so the room are really nice. Although I'll be delivering in a OR room no matter what, it was reassuring to hear that I won't get whisked into the OR until the last moment. Our hospital is a level 3 NICU (which is why we are driving 45 minutes to deliver there) but we didn't get to tour that part. I was a little disappointed in that. The NICU babies are housed in room with the moms in really deluxe rooms.

Coming up next: Baby Care Basics in two weeks and Infant CPR a few days after that. On top of holiday stuff, December is going to be a busy month for us!

So far behind!

I'm out of town for 4 days and now I'm no longer just treading water- I feel like I'm drowning in the amount of stuff I need to/want to do! I want to comment on all the blog posts I missed while we were gone, I want to post all about the shower, I want to unpack all the shower things, I have a mountain of laundry to do, we had our latest OB appt today, I have a crapload of mittens to make, but yet all I feel like doing is laying on the couch to recouperate after the first full school day in over a week. So I guess I'm resorting to bullets for today- only because I'm afraid I'll never get a chance to fully post before it is too far in the past (like the post about registering that never was).

• The OB appointment: I am up 37 lbs since 6 weeks 5 days (that's 37 lbs in about 17 weeks). Uff Da. I'm also measuring 32 weeks; which is 9 weeks ahead. Ha- I guess I'm not going to have tiny twins. That's okay- I like healthy babies much better. :) I also got a letter to take to the DMV to get a temporary handicap permit- mainly so I don't have to trek across the staff parking lot all the way to my classroom, which is conveniently the farthest classroom in the entire long school. Now I should be able to park in the front "parent" lot- instead of taking 5-10 minutes to get to my classroom, I should be able to get there in 2 or less. My next appointment is a week from Friday with the perinatologist, which means I'll get another u/s next week. :) I like hearing the heartbeats- but seeing the little ones beats hearing them, hands down.

• The shower was relatively painless (after PIO shots, everything is relatively painless). I'm not one for being the center of attention in a crowd of relatives, but I made it through. I made my dear husband hang out since he had no where to go during the shower and that helped. The only thing that marred the whole event was that a guest's car was broken into in the parking lot and her GPS was stolen. I wish I could say I was overwhelmed with with amount of stuff we got, but we did get a few of the larger things so that is nice. We got home after 9 pm last night- piled the boxes in the babies' room and unpacked what we needed to since we both had to work today. I'm itching to go through it all without so many eyes on me and spending so much time thinking of the "right" thing to say like, " how cute" or "awww" or "that will really come in handy," blah, blah, blah...

• Thanksgiving was the first time I've seen my brother in person since the email drama this summer and in true family fashion, not a word was said about it. I'm not one to hold a grudge, so whatever- I have other things to stress about now.

• Saturday is our all day long birthing class... so that should be interesting.

• And that's about it, for now! I will try to post a shower picture or two someday soon, I hope. :)

Shower Apprehension

So my shower is on Sunday. Overall, I am just not looking forward to it. Once an infertile, always an infertile. I haven't been to a shower (outside of small at-work shindigs) since I had to painfully host my SIL's shower after almost a year of TTC, for my nephew that was conceived the month we started TTC. Yes, that was January 2007- a damn long time ago. I just don't know if I know how to do the shower thing. I'm excited, over the moon, thrilled beyond words about our two babies, but I don't know how to play lighthearted baby games and gush over baby stuff. I don't want to be a poser- the joyfully pregnant lady who has no idea that other people struggle so much over trying to have a baby. I don't want to hurt the person in the crowd that I don't know is struggling with trying to get pregnant. I want to make it known how hard-fought this was- yet, I want to keep our very personal selves to our self. I don't want to hear the stupid comments while biting my tongue to keep from educating ignorant people.

But I want the stuff.

I want the stuff because one (of a long list) of my worries is how expensive two babies at the same time will be, and how little we have for them. We don't have the resources for lots of free hand-me-downs (my SIL is due in February, so there goes any opportunity for any stuff there). We don't have the $ resources to buy everything new. So hopefully we will be toting home lots of stuff on Sunday-otherwise, I am stressed to think about the alternative. If that makes me sound greedy- so be it. I don't need the prettiest stuff or the fanciest stuff- I just want everything that will make my babies the safest, happiest, most secure children possible(and the stuff that will help keep us sane- all for our babies health, of course).

The Things People Say

I'm sure the rest of my life will be filled with a long, never ending list of stupid things people say because I am pregnant with or have twins. Today- thanks to parent/teacher conferences- I got a few good ones to add to the list:

1. From a current student's parent: "You're huge!" (No shit, Sherlock. Twins, um kay?)

2. From a former student's parent: "Having twins will be so much easier than what I had- my kids were 13 months apart (and it was hard to keep track of both of them, blah, blah, blah...)!" (Have you ever, really, tried to take care of two newborns 24/7- including all their feeding, sleeping, diaper changes and other needs? Because I'm pretty sure your 13 month old did not cry, eat, poop or have as much of an erratic sleeping schedule as a newborn. And if you still feel feel that way- you are personally invited to come take over for a day or so in March, and then we'll see how you feel- because I'm pretty sure twin newborns are more difficult.)

3. From that same parent: "Well, tell your husband that he sure planned that right! Now you can be done!" (Not even worth a comeback for that one)

I'm sure I'll have some lovely comments to add to the list after I'm through with our relatives at Thanksgiving and my shower this weekend as well. Although I have not been so lucky to get any random stranger comments yet. What fun things to look forward to!

Addicted

I am now addicted to feeling my babies kicks from the outside. As someone who for a long time thought I may never get to experience something like this, it is a simply amazing thing. I have been feeling them move from the inside since week 13, but the anterior placentas have made feeling the movements with my hand a little harder to come by. Lately, it has been getting easier as the kicks are less sporadic and usually happen several times in a row with more intensity.

Yesterday at 21 weeks 3 days, (after eating some sugary food) the kicks were stronger than ever before. My husband finally felt them for the first time. He was talking to my Mother in Law on the phone and she actually got choked up when he told her.

After school today I was working at my desk when one of them started their kickboxing again. So I sat there mesmerized with my hands on my belly- not realizing how long I just sat there until the custodian came in. I didn't want to go home because I didn't want to stop feeling it. So now I am certifiably addicted. And even more in love with the babies growing in there.

The Most Thankful Thing

It's the time of year when I read lots of Thanksgiving books to my kindergarten class. Today I read a book that OH MY GAWD- brought me to tears, right there in front of my kids. It did the same thing last year... but for a different reason.

The Most Thankful Thing by Lisa McCourt is a great Thanksgiving book. Here's a summary of the story: When a little girl asks her mom what her "most thankful thing ever" is, Mom turns the question into a fun trip down memory lane. Turning the pages of Mom's photo album, they discover many wonderful moments in Mom's life, from summer camp to winning a trophy in a soccer tournament, from singing onstage to her wedding day. But one event in Mom's whole life is the very best ever, topping even marrying her husband -- the birth of her precious little girl.

Last year (and probably the year before) when I read this book out loud, I got choked up because I wondered if marrying my husband would be my most thankful thing ever for the rest of my life- and if I would get to ever experience something even better- holding my children for the very first time after their birth. This year, there were tears- not for the same reason, but because my most thankful thing to top all others is right around the corner.

My two precious miracles are my most thankful thing ever. Hands down, no contest. I am beyond grateful that this thanksgiving I can be thankful for them.

Updated Belly Shots

19 weeks (a non-maternity shirt)

20 weeks

21 weeks

21 weeks belly shot
When I look back at 16 weeks, I laugh because I look so much smaller back then than I do now... I bet 7 weeks from now, I'll be laughing at how "small" my belly looks right now!

Bedding

Once we found out we were having a boy and a girl, bedding has been a little bit of a difficult decision for us (me). I didn't spend much time before finding out the genders thinking about what to do, because there were three different possibilities (boy/boy, girl/girl, or boy/girl) and I didn't want to waste time thinking about something that only had a 33% chance of happening. Having two of the same gender would have been so easy to decide, but one of each has proven to be difficult. Knowing that we will not use the bumpers (not safe) and not really use the quilt in a set in the crib, I was having a hard time justifying plopping down the hundreds of dollars for two crib bedding sets that we would only really use the sheet and skirt from. So I started looking more at bedding separates- skirts and sheets.

It seemed like to go gender neutral, we were pretty much stuck with jungle or farm themes. I just couldn't find a jungle theme that I liked that wasn't too boyish and would go with our white furniture. I wasn't sure I even wanted a "theme." Then I saw these:I like how they go together, but aren't exactly the same. I like how they have white in them to go with our furniture and brown in them to go with our carpet. So I bought them! Our girl's bedding is predominately pink with brown, white, and sage green; while our boy's bedding is predominately sage green with brown, white, and blue.

My amazingly talented friend, Sara, had also told me she wanted to make quilts for our babies (another reason why the bedding sets seemed like a waste of money for us). I am so blessed to have such a kind and caring friend! Last Sunday we went to pick out fabric. She got started on them right away- here is a sneak peek of two of the blocks she has put together so far (notice the fabrics that will be in both quilts):

They will go perfectly with the bedding we've already purchased. Sara is also thinking about making coordinating wall hangings using the same fabric, maybe a valance, etc.- she's so crafty, I am so excited to see how it all ties together! I cannot wait until the quilts are done!

Now to decide on a wall color...

Two Times Blessed

Had to share (from a twin mommy on Baby Center):

Two Times Blessed

Two little hands
Two little feet
As a new Mother she will greet

Hugs and kisses she will have galore
For now her heart will greet one more

Two little hands
Two little feet
Two little hearts make a joyous beat

But as you can see, I’ve been doubly blessed
For I will have two babies to hold close to my chest

To those who may say, you’ve got your hands full
I will reply so calm and so cool....

Four little hands
Four little feet
Two little hearts make my life complete!

“If you think our hands will be full…imagine our hearts.”

Randomness

My last progesterone shot was over 2 months ago. The lumps have completely disappeared from my left hip- but I still have two lumps on my right. Experienced IVFers- when did yours go away? When will mine? Is it normal that I still have those lumps? Is it something I should bring up with my doctor? Thanks in advance for any info!

Time is getting away from me- I can hardly keep up with blogs and commenting- let alone post my own blog posts. I want to do a post about registering, about our bedding, about reading twin books, and my faith story... Argh! And I have yet to really plan anything in advance for my substitute teacher once I go on maternity leave... I need a 48 hour day!

The physical therapy really seems to be helping with my back pain. The physical therapist jokingly said today that what she thinks I need to make it all better is really just a weekly massage. I told her that it was too bad my health insurance probably wouldn't agree. Since the pain is almost gone, we agreed that I don't need to go every week and we'll see how I do from now on with the exercises she gave me to do. Hopefully that will do the trick!

My husband has been out of town for a week now, and will be for 3 more days. This has given me a glimpse of what could happen (on a much smaller scale) in January when he has a work trip... and I don't like it. I miss having him here (ok, I always do- I'm not one of those wives who secretly like the time alone). I miss having someone take care of me, because I know I don't always do the best job by myself. He usually cooks, takes care of the dishes, brings out the garbage, feeds and kennels the dogs while we are at work, and doing those things while 20 weeks pregnant with twins is a lot harder than it was pre-pregnancy. I don't want him to go in January. What if I can't bend down to put on my shoes when I'm 30 weeks? What if something happens while he's gone and he's not there in time for our babies to be born? I know it is a long way off, but this is something has been in the back of my mind for a while now. I know if I'm on bed rest, he can get out of going- but I think that might be the only way. I guess I'll have to just wait until January to see what happens- no sense letting myself stress about it now when there's nothing I can do about it, right?

Oooh! And I think I saw and felt them move for the first time from the outside yesterday! I've been trying to catch it again since then, with no luck. It is hard to take time to do that during the day- people tend to look at you funny if you are just staring at your stomach!

Over Half Way!

How our babies are growing according to babycenter.com: Your babies weigh about 10 1/2 ounces now. They are also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom and about 10 inches from head to heel — the length of a banana. (For the first 20 weeks, when a baby's legs are curled up against his torso and hard to measure, measurements are taken from the top of his head to his bottom — the "crown to rump" measurement. After 20 weeks, he's measured from head to toe.) According to thebump.com- each is the size of a cantaloupe.

They are swallowing more these days, which is good practice for their digestive system. They are also producing meconium, a black, sticky by-product of digestion. This gooey substance will accumulate in the bowels, and you'll see it in the first soiled diapers (some babies pass meconium in the womb or during delivery).

It is hard to believe that I am over half way done baking these babies. I still feel like I'm tiptoeing around, waiting for a catastrophe, since mostly everything has been going well since we found out in July (except for my extreme back pain)- no spotting, no concerns detected from u/s, no er trips (for me). Still praying for no bedrest; still anxiously hoping to get to mid-March with no issues.

How far along: 20 weeks (but measured 26 weeks at 19 weeks)

Total weight gain: 23 lbs since 6 weeks

Stretch marks?: No new ones, thanks to Mamma Mio Tummy Butter :)

Sleep: My days of sleeping in past 9 are over. :( My back starts hurting so badly I need to get up. BUT with the Back N Belly pillow, I can sleep well for 9 hours on the weekend with only 1-2 bathroom trips

Best moments this week: Finding out the genders, sharing the news with everyone, seeing the assembled cribs (ok, these happened a little bit over a week ago)

Food cravings: Still fruit and bacon... Mmmm, bacon!

Sex: Boy and girl!

Labor signs?: I hope not. I think(?) I may be having some Braxton Hicks, especially since this was a really long, trying week at school- but as a first time mom- I have no clue what's what that I feel down there sometimes.

Belly Button: Getting shallower. Now that my skins stretching out I have noticed my old belly button piercing is a little crooked. Never could tell before.

What I miss the most: Sleeping on my stomach and good, quality sleep for 12 hours.

What I am looking forward to the most: My shower in a few weeks. But not really because of the shower (I am scared and anxious about that- it's been awhile since I've been to one and I can't remember the last time I didn't have awful feelings while I attended one)- because I am hoping that once we get a lot of stuff for these two I can ease some of my financial worries about how the heck we're going to be able to afford this. AND when my husband can feel them from the outside!

Milestones: Halfway mark for a singleton pregnancy means more than half way for me! 1 month 'til viability.

Halloween 2010

I have two families of twins in my classroom this year- a set of girl twins and one boy from a set of boy twins. I mentioned some time ago that the mother of the boy twin told me right away that her boys are the result of IVF as well, and she has really been excited to hear about how things are going along the way. She has given me maternity clothes (not really the style I would wear, but it is the thought that counts) and a few baby clothes. This week the mother of the girl twins was helping in my classroom and we started talking about twins- She shared that her twins were Clomid babies. I also let her know that we found out we are having one boy and one girl. Then I jokingly said now I can't buy all of their cute girl twin outfits from them! (Those two girls are often dressed to the nines in the cutest coordinating outfits. I like that the mom doesn't always have them wear the exact same thing, but maybe the same dress in two different colors, for example) The mom went out to her car during recess and came in with these glow-in-the-dark onesies for my babies:

Her girls were obsessed with skeletons this year and had their own glow-in-the-dark skeleton shirts. The mom said they begged her to buy them for my babies when they saw them in the store, and so she told them when I found out what I was having they would get them for me. I guess every time they went to the store the girls would count how many were left, and when there were only 2 of each still there, the mom went ahead and bought them so it would work either way. It was such a unexpected surprise- and one of the best moments in an otherwise really crummy week. I can't wait until my little ones can wear them next year!

Follow Up to My Last Post

This is just a follow up to my last post:

I've been so knee-deep in a twin/multiple pregnancy for the last couple of months I forget sometimes that some of my blog readers might not know some of the ways a twin/multiple pregnancy is very different than a singleton pregnancy. So I just wanted to add to my average daily "food intake" list that I am in no way, shape or form thinking that I eat too much or gaining too much. According to the Go-To book for people expecting multiples, "When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads" by Dr. Barbara Luke:

• "For (expectant mothers of multiples) who have not given birth before, the uterus has not yet been stretched. Higher weight gain will help to ensure better fetal growth. Try to gain an additional 5-7 lbs as quickly as possible."
• If your (multiple) pregnancy was the result of infertility treatments: "you should aim to gain an additional 4-6 lbs during the first half of your pregnancy... evidence suggests that this extra weight can reduce the risk of miscarriage in pregnancies resulting from ART."
• "Your weight gain up to 28 weeks has the greatest influence on the babies' rate of growth (for twins)."
• "It becomes harder to gain weight as your pregnancy progresses- the bigger your babies grow, the less room there is for your stomach to expand... with multiples, the 40-week size arrives much sooner" (leaving hardly any room left for food much sooner than a singleton pregnancy)
• "You won't have a full 9 months in which to gain...(there is) less time you'll have to put on the needed lbs."
• And finally, the weight gain goal by 20 weeks is 25 lbs for twins (more than double the 12 lbs for a singleton, if you are wondering).

So, you see- I'm actually feeling really, really good about the 24 lb gain and what I've been eating to get there. It has been a challenge to find the time during the day to get it all in, and I've really had to work at it. I'm usually the kind of person who gets too busy to remember to eat. But now, I'm right on target for giving my babies the healthiest chance possible. Since I have a few factors against me that put me at a higher risk for pre-term birth (my 8+ hour a day, on my feet, never stop moving job, for one)- I knew this was one area I could really try to do my best. Dr. Barbara Luke says the weight gain goal by 28 weeks is 38 lbs... we'll see where I am around New Year's when I hit that marker!

I'm a Hobbit

SweetPeanMe asked me what I'm eating- and I figured it would be fun to type out an average day for me. Be prepared to be amazed:

• 1st breakfast: oatmeal
• 2nd breakfast: hashbrowns and bacon right before I leave- sometimes this includes a scrambled egg (my sweet husband gets up early just to make it for me)
• 3rd breakfast: banana while teaching reading (All breakfasts before 8:30 am)
• 1st snack at 9:40 am recess: applesauce and pudding or fruit
• lunch at 11 am: leftovers and yogurt
• 2nd snack at 1 pm: string cheese or granola bar, etc.
• 3rd snack at 2 pm: whatever the students are eating- if I'm lucky, a birthday cupcake (we've had 4 birthdays in the last week)
• 2nd lunch at 3 pm after school: pbj sandwich and apple or pear or pickles, etc.
• Dinner: something filling like pasta/potatoes with meat and veggies
• 4th snack about an hour after dinner: usually ice cream
• 5th and final snack right before I go to sleep: apple cinnamon cheerios in milk (if I don't eat something substantial, I wake up starving at around 2:30 am)

Add in the fact that I make every effort to sit while teaching all day long and I'm not going on my usual long power walks, and no wonder I've gained 24 lbs in 13 weeks!

Latest OB Appointment

Today I was able to finally get the H1N1 vaccination. In two weeks, I will be armed against all the H1N1 germy kindergartners I am face to face with every day. Funny enough, I had a little needle anxiety before the shot went in- ME! - The girl who not that long ago got stuck with over 200 needles (many self-inflicted) and then lost count. I guess the break from needle poking has been nicer than I realized.

According to my OB, I am measuring 7 weeks ahead at 26 weeks (for a singleton PG). I also have gained 24 lbs since 6 weeks- that's right, 24 pounds in 13 weeks. I have no idea what my starting weight was, because the IVF bloat messed with my actual pre-PG weight. It is crazy watching that scale creep higher each time I'm at the OB's and seeing numbers that I've never seen before. Besides some gain in my chest, I'd like to think that the rest is all belly. I hope it stays that way. But I'm not weight gain-obsessed- I don't care, as long as it means my babies are healthy and I'm doing the right thing to help them be the healthiest they can be.

Today was my first school day since finding out the genders, so I decided to bring "surprise" cupcakes to school to reveal the genders. In the middle of the cupcakes we piped pink and blue batter (colored with food coloring) so that you had to bite into the cupcakes to find out. I kept it a secret until lunchtime so that the beans couldn't be spilled before then. I thought it was a cute idea- some people cared more than others. Oh well- I thought it was fun, and that's all that matters!

Where to Begin???

Where to begin? How can so much coolness be crammed into one day??? Starting with the very best:

Can you see both heads and the arms?

The ultrasound was over 2 hours long. The tech waited until after measuring everything before telling us the genders- but I have to say that I totally knew that Baby A was a girl right away before she told us, because I saw the telltale three white lines when she first started measuring. I also figured out that Baby B was a boy while she was measuring the kidneys- it was pretty hard to miss right there between his legs.
.

Baby A (Sweet Pea) is transverse (sideways) on top and is our little wiggle worm (and has been for every u/s). The u/s tech was getting so frustrated because she wouldn't hold still enough to cooperate for a lot of the measurements. The tech said it has been a long time since she's seen a baby as active as our little girl. So she took a long time to get everything measured. Wowza- judging by her hyperactivity, we going to have our hands full with her! Her heartrate was 150 bpm this time. Here is her profile and her girly bits:

Because it took soooo long to get everything for her, I was getting pretty uncomfortable laying on my back by the time we got around to Baby B (Little Bean). My back was getting unbearable from the pain, and the pressure of my uterus was making me get lightheaded and dizzy. I actually almost fainted, right there during the u/s halfway through Baby B. Fortunately, I realized what was about to happen, and we took a break during the u/s so I could stand up and drink some water.

Then on to our little boy- Baby B (Little Bean) who was transverse under his sister. He is measuring a little larger than her, with a more oval shaped head (which the u/s tech said is totally normal from the pressure of the other baby on top). His heart rate was 140 bpm this time. He was just chillaxin' under her- but a little shy and kept covering his face with his hands whenever we tried to get a peek at his face. Here is his profile and boy bits:

Then we went to register at Target with my handy list compiled from several twin books I've read. I felt so prepared heading there- but wow- how overwhelming! Tonight I am going with a friend who is a mother of 3 for some expert advice- thank goodness. More about registering in another post to come.

When we got home, there was a box waiting for me- the miracle pillow that is going to cure my incessant back pain arrived! I ordered it last week when I was at my wits end about my back. It isn't a snoogle, because I thought this one would be better for me. I think it will take some getting used to, but this morning my back was much better (although I tossed and turned much of the night).

But that's not all- it was like an early Christmas! When I checked our email, I found out that our cribs are ready to be picked up! We decided to wait until today to go get them, because we were both pretty tired from the day's awesome events.

So finding out the genders, ultrasounds, registering, pregnancy pillow, and cribs- what a full day!!!

So Much to Share!

I have so much to share, but I am SO tired from an awesomely long day. One picture says it all, for now.

Boy or Girl?

It's a boy if:
You didn't experience morning sickness in early pregnancy
Your baby's heart rate is less than 140 beats per minute
You are carrying the extra weight out front
Your belly looks like a basketball
Your areolas have darkened considerably
You are carrying low
You are craving salty or sour foods
You are craving protein -- meats and cheese
Your feet are colder than they were before pregnancy
The hair on your legs has grown faster during pregnancy
Your hands are very dry
Your pillow faces north when you sleep
Dad-to-be is gaining weight, right along with you
Pregnancy has you looking better than ever
Your urine is bright yellow in color
Your nose is spreading
You hang your wedding ring over your belly and it moves in circles
You are having headaches
You add your age at the time of conception and the number for the month you conceived and the sum is an even number

It's a girl if:
You had morning sickness early in pregnancy
Your baby's heart rate is at least 140 beats per minute
You are carrying the weight in your hips and rear
Your left breast is larger than your right breast
Your hair develops red highlights
You are carrying high
Your belly looks like a watermelon
You are craving sweets
You are craving fruit
You crave orange juice
You don't look quite as good as normal during pregnancy
You are moodier than usual during pregnancy
Your face breaks out more than usual
You refuse to eat the heel of a loaf of bread
Your breasts have really blossomed!
Your pillow faces south when you sleep
Your urine is a dull yellow color
You hang your wedding ring over your belly and it moves from side to side
You add your age at the time of conception and the number for the month you conceived and the sum is an odd number

Boy: 6
Girl: 6

I don't know if this works with twins, but if it is tied... could that mean one of each? We'll hopefully know tomorrow!

New belly shots

16 weeks

17 weeks

18 weeks

And because I like to leave you with something memorable: the 18 week bare belly shot.

Weekend Project Accomplished

Today's project was to merge our office and spare bedroom into one room, completely cleaning out the future nursery and closet (which was the place we stored all of our crap). After many hours later- we have one very empty room, and a successful transfer into the new guest room/office (and a different closet packed full of stuff). I still feel pretty guilty about not helping to move the heavy stuff... but so ready to paint and install (er, watch someone put together, I mean) cribs!

Thursday's gender u/s is only a few days away!!!

Killer Back Pain

This week has been brutal in the back pain department. I've always had a little trouble with upper back pain, but several times this week, the pain led me to tears. I engaged in some major intervention and booked a last minute prenatal massage, and that helped a little bit. I've been taking (probably) too much Tylenol, and feeling guilty about it. But the pain is keeping me from sleeping well and my days at work on my feet all day are torture without adequate sleep. I was back to 2-3 hour naps every evening this week, just because I wasn't sleeping soundly at night. I also called my OB's office to either get reassurance that the amount of Tylenol was ok, or a magical solution, because I cannot handle this for another 20 weeks, especially knowing that it will only get worse. My OB's nurse suggested putting in a referral to a Physical Therapist, so I am going there on Monday afternoon. Hopefully that will lead to something that will ease some of this intense shooting upper back pain that I've got going on. Besides going to work, it pretty much makes me immobile for the rest of my waking hours. I sleep, lay on the couch with a heating pad, sleep, work, and repeat.

I also decided to take things to the next level at work and be proactive. According to Dr. Barbara Luke in When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads, "women (that are pregnant with multiples) who stand more than six hours at a time triple their risk of preterm birth... In the course of an 8 hour shift, an expectant mother of multiples should lie down and rest at least twice for a minimum of 20-30 minutes each time." While that is pretty much impossible at school, I did decide that I should attempt at least some semblance of her recommendation. I am lucky enough to have a 12' by 12' storage room in my classroom, so I hauled a cot we use for camping to school and set it up in my storage room. I have been able to lay down for about 15 minutes after lunch each day since I set it up. I feel silly about it, but I came to the conclusion a long time ago that my babies' health is top priority, everything else be damned. So now my kindergartners can really say that their teacher sleeps at school, because there's a bed to prove it. I hope if I actually DO fall asleep, they will wake me up when they get back to the classroom, or that could be a major problem...

Cribs!

A little bit ago we narrowed down our crib choice to 3 options. We wanted white so that they went with the dresser and changing table we are refinishing. I also wanted solid sides if possible, because the plan is to put the two cribs short side to short side- and I had this vision of babies later playing with each other through the slats when they were supposed to be napping. I finally got around to measuring the length of the room to make sure our choices would fit. Then we decided to go with the least expensive of the three options- which is only available online. Sp today I ordered the cribs we decided upon! It seems a little surreal and still not quite right to be able to do this. Nonetheless, it is still exciting!

Finding Out the Genders, Maternity Leave and Showers, Oh My!

I didn't get a chance to mention yet that we had another OB appointment last Thursday. No u/s this time, but we did get to hear the h/bs again. I know I said I was sort of looking forward to a break in the u/s appointments at week 12, because it had been difficult in the beginning of the school year to cover my class so I can get them. BUT- my biweekly u/s were so nice- I'm totally going through withdrawal because it has been a month since the last time I saw my little ones. The good news is that I was able to schedule the next *big* u/s finally- where we should hopefully find out girl/girl, boy/boy, or both genders. Amazingly, we only have a little over two weeks to go! Our anatomy u/s is scheduled for October 29th when I'll be 18 weeks and 4 days. My OB's nurse wanted it to be closer to 20 weeks, but I have that Thursday/Friday off of school and knowing that it will be a long u/s to measure all the bits and pieces of both babies I was hoping that it could work out that we could have the u/s then, instead of having to take more time off of work. I'm dying to know what's in there jammin' along to Bob Marley with me!

We've also finally nailed down my maternity leave- provided that the twins make it to 38 weeks, and I make it at school that long. I know it is a long shot, but I make sure to tell them every day that 38 weeks is the magic number, and that's our goal. If I can make that, then I don't have to go back to school this year, and I can stay home until September when the next school year starts. The babies will be about 6 months then. I have almost 8 weeks of paid sick days I can use, and I'm planning on using 4 weeks unpaid FLMA leave. If I can't hold out until 38 weeks (March 12th) then I will have to go back to school for a little bit before school gets out in June and maybe May. Jake can stay home with the babies then (he has 7 weeks of paid time off he can use), but it is something I'd rather not do if I have any say in it. No matter what, I can't take more than 12 weeks- so if I'm on bedrest for 6 weeks or so, then that will take away from time I can spend with my babies at home. :( I just can't imagine going back to school and leaving my twin newborns at home at 6 weeks. It might just kill me.

There's also been some talk in the works in our families about a baby shower. There are several factors that are against us in making the timing really crummy for a shower. All of our families live 4 or more hours away from us, so we have to travel for any shower. I am not allowed to travel in the third trimester, which will begin on December 26th. I did get the okay from my OB to travel the 4 hours away for Christmas, provided that everything is going well. But that means that a baby shower for our relatives will not be possible in January, February or March. We toyed around with the idea of holding the shower after they are born- but who wants to travel in a vehicle for four hours with two newborns either? And also, we need the stuff before then! December was not looking like a good option because everyone is typically so busy for the holidays.... so.... it is looking like there will be one baby shower for us with all three sets of our families the Sunday after Thanksgiving! I will be 23 weeks. It seems so early and soon, but we didn't really think there was any better option. At least I know that, with twins, I'll be looking more like 30 weeks then anyway, especially if the rate my belly is growing continues! My work will still have a shower for me after the new year, so I'll still have that to look forward to later. It just seems like everything is happening so fast- it seems like yesterday we found out there were two sacs, and here we are, 2 weeks from finding out the genders and a little over a month from having a baby shower for us! Crazy!

My Babies Love Bob Marley

Every morning (ok, and some afternoons) I listen to a Bob Marley CD in my car on my way to school. I started doing this after we went on a trip to Jamaica last March for a much needed break from real life. We were nearing our third year of TTC, and the PGs and births kept coming. After we got back from the best trip ever (adults only resort- no reminder the whole time of what we so desperately wanted for so very long, sun, all inclusive as well as drinks, etc.), I wanted to savor a little bit of the island. Listening to No Woman No Cry ("everything's gonna be all right...") and Three Little Birds ("don't worry, 'bout a thing...") helped me face the world and gear up to take care of other people's kids all day long. Bob Marley helped me keep my sanity and kept me from crying many times from March until the end of our IVF in July. Jamaica was (and still is) my happy place. Both Jamaica and the lyrics of the songs help remind me to chill out and that, no matter what, "every little thing's gonna be all right."

Now the purpose of those songs has changed a little bit. Hearing and singing the lyrics "don't worry, 'bout a thing- every little thing's gonna be all right" give me comfort that no matter what- despite all the extra financial stresses twins currently is and will bring, despite the higher risk I am at for a slew of pregnancy related issues, despite the constant worry about pre-term labor and making everything work out with my maternity leave timeline- EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT. So I still sing along every morning (okay- and some afternoons, especially after a rough school day).

According to something I read, the babies can now recognize my voice. I've been noticing that I can almost always feel them moving around while I'm singing along in my car. So I've decided that my little ones love Bob Marley- I sing along to the radio other times and don't get the same consistent movement. I think this is just the coolest thing! Maybe now we should reconsider a middle name...? :)

(FYI- I am not a stoner. If you've never listened to Bob Marley songs, you should really check them out. They are so relaxing, melodic and most songs have a great message.)

PG Announcements

I got hit with a double dose of other PG announcements today- and came to the realization that unless they were preceded by IF, PG news will always hurt just a little bit for me and I will never be able to be 100% purely happy for the other people. (Of course, if it was a hard fought PG- then the previous sentence does not apply- those PGs announcements are the things that make my day like nothing else can, because that means somebody that day won a fight in the big IF battle). I remember reading another blogger's post about this very thought before being blessed to be in the same situation, and now I can totally understand and relate to those feelings.

Today the co-kindergarten teacher that I knew would be trying this summer shared that she was 12 weeks yesterday. That means she knew for about a week when I told her our news in August. I knew this was going to happen- it wasn't going to be a surprise for me, but it still kind of bothered me. The logical rationalizing side of me is trying to hold onto the fact that this is still the best possible outcome, because it would be a zillion times worse if our IVF didn't work. The comments then were made about how she always wanted 2 kids before she was 30 (me too, dammit) and how it is perfect spacing (she has a 3 year old) and how the timing is great for the school year too (and I will probably have to go back for two weeks at the end)- and from other people how great it is that she's such a planner (I am TOO- but what good did it do me, huh?) and I gritted my teeth. Now there's 4 out of 7 pregnant kindergarten teachers at my school. I know things like this are always going to bother me, because "they" didn't endure the hell I went through for over three years. "They" didn't have to go through hundreds of self-inflicted needles. "They" didn't have to spend their entire savings to get there- and will be able to buy all the cute stuff for their baby, get their master's, live in a nicer house, have a nicer vehicle, etc. And I know that life's not fair. But it still stinks.

Then my mom called this evening. She felt the need to call me right away (because she was so shocked) to let me know she just found out that my loser, trailer trash, jobless cousin is 8 months pregnant- and that she had apparently decided she wanted another kid, so went out and took care of that (but is apparently not with the father or seeing anyone). Um, yeah. Thanks Mom. That is just another illustration of how my mom doesn't get it. At. All. HELLO- your daughter just went through the most difficult experience of her life so far- is about to undergo another major life challenge that involves having children, and you felt the need to pick up the phone right away to remind her that other people, that are way less deserving, don't have to go through any of that crap???

Have I mentioned before that Thanksgiving is going to be interesting this year at my relatives' get-together? I still have not heard from my brother since I got this email from him and sent my eloquent reply. There is sure to be some blog worthy fodder after that holiday! Ha!

Belly Feelings

Thank you so much for your kind comments about my quickly expanding belly. This has been my latest source of worry- just how darn big am I going to get? Am I going to need a wheelbarrow to tote myself around in the end? Are my small size four pant legs going to break under the weight of the enormous belly I will have and the massive chest I am getting? (Sadly, I think I need to shop for new bras AGAIN). Will working until 38 weeks be a totally unrealistic goal because of my gargantuan size?

It didn't help that the same day I resigned to wearing maternity tops full time was the first day my 32 weeks pregnant co-worker wore her first maternity shirt. And I'm 14 weeks.

Overall, I am thrilled to have a bump.

I waited so long for this moment- I revel in the miraculousness of it every day. Every morning the first thing I do is touch my bump and remember how very blessed we are. I am amazed and in love with the babies inside. I find myself narcissistically checking out my bump in every reflective surface I pass. I marvel at the sight I wasn't sure I'd ever get to see. However, it is hard to become comfortable in your own skin that rapidly changes faster than the average pregnant woman. It takes some adjusting.

I know that it won't be long that the bump will stay "little" and "cute" as my co-workers and parents of students at my school are commenting. I know there is a time not that far away that I'm going to be so enormous that I'll feel like I belong in the circus. (I know this for sure because I've seen belly shots of other twin mothers to be on blogs. All I can say about that is wowza.)

Today one of my co-workers commented that I was really big for only being as far along as I am. (Two thoughts went through my head: 1. Duh- TWINS, remember? and 2. Well that's the first in a long string of similar comments soon to come.) Then she went on to say, "Well, this too shall pass, huh?" Like it is a bad thing. That bothered me. I immediately felt the need to express how thrilled I am to actually LOOK pregnant. How novel this still is for me and how I love being able for people to see that I am pregnant with no question about it. How awesome it is to not have to put any thought into sucking in my stomach right now, like girls spend most of their life doing.

Basically I am a mix of feeling about it: uncomfortable in my own skin sometimes, defensive about it, happy and excited to see what I've got right now, but worried about what's to come.

The long awaited belly shots

semi flat bikini belly, pre-IVF (Jamaica, March 2009)

To put it in perspective

9 weeks (when we started belly shots)
And I thought I was getting a belly then!

10 weeks

11 weeks (first week of school- now you know why I look so tired)

12 weeks

14 weeks (we missed 13 weeks- too busy!)
And since the white tank doesn't fit for pictures anymore, my first day wearing a maternity shirt

One more for reference. If this is 14 weeks, what is 28 more weeks going to look like?!?!?

Updates at 14 weeks

I've been waiting for some time to be able to post the latest updates, but it never seems to be happening. So I'm going to settle for a semi-quickie update, because I'm afraid I'll forget the moments I wanted to make sure to post about by the time I actually get time! Each of these paragraphs deserve posts of their own- but this will have to do, for now.

I think I started feeling movement last Sunday, at 13 weeks exactly. It didn't feel really like flutters to me, just kind of like very, very soft intermittent jabs (from the inside) for a short while, and then they were gone. I really doubted that it was movement- I thought maybe it was my uterus stretching, things repositioning around in there? Until I felt the same thing the following two days in a row- in the same spot slightly to the right side. The other day I felt a similar feeling on the left side. Then yesterday I had a caramel covered apple and ate a bunch of apples when we went apple picking, and had a bit of a sugar overload, headache and all. Those jabs came back with a vengeance, so now I feel a little more certain that it was truly movement.

I've been wearing maternity bottoms almost exclusively- except for two pairs of pants I own that have forgiving elastic bands. I'm afraid even those pairs of pants days' are numbered. I am also running out of options for tops. I really don't want to stretch out my non-maternity favs and not be able to wear them again post-PG body. So, I think starting tomorrow I will probably be in some maternity tops as well. I almost wore a maternity top on Friday, but just couldn't do it. I know I've got two in there, but 13 weeks just felt too soon to wear full-on maternity everything. I don't think I have much of a choice going forward. Reassure me ladies- 14 weeks with twins is not too soon for maternity tops AND bottoms, right? I know I should embrace my belly- especially because of how hard fought it was, but it is still hard to feel comfortable about flaunting it.

It was my 30th birthday today, and we had a very fun and relaxing weekend vacationing in Door County, WI. We went for walks, went apple picking, and had a great time, just being us- not just the us expecting twins, or me the kindergarten teacher. I needed that small break away to just be myself and reconnect with myself (and my dear husband). Those other two things have been ruling my every waking and sleeping moment lately, and I needed a little break from that nonstop stuff. Of course, there was plenty of baby talk- I think we have settled on names for 2 girls, 2 boys, or a combo of one of each. We are not planning on sharing this with family until the birth- I'm not sure if we'll extend that secret to the internet world. You will have to wait and see. :) It was nice to enjoy this milestone birthday, when for much of the past year, I dreaded it. I was so worried I would spend this birthday sad and wishing for what I didn't have. I loved spending it exactly the way we did.

On the drive home from our trip we stopped at Babies R Us and did some window shopping (I've also been looking at cribs online lately) and I have pretty much settled on the type of crib I want. Now all we have to do is measure to make sure two will fit side by side in the room, pick the one of the three cribs I've narrowed it down to, and buy them. We are refinishing the dressers I used as a baby and painting them white, so our cribs need to be white. I also want solid sides, so that when they are side by side and the babies are older- they aren't able to play with each other through the bars when it is supposed to be nap time.

We also discovered a REALLY good deal on a Graco DuoGlider double stroller on clearance (the style of stroller we wanted to get anyway), and got it. It was usually $250 before tax, and we got it for $120 total- and that was with tax included. I think that's pretty good. We'll get the matching SnugRide car seats later(they weren't on clearance yet). We also stopped at Old Navy (the one by us doesn't have a maternity section) and I got awesome deals on a few clothes- including a pair of maternity pants for only $8. The extra 50% off clearance sale really rocked!