A Day of Lasts

Yesterday was my last day at work for a very long time. I'm used to leaving my room for a few months in the summer, but not used to turning my room and my students over to another person. It definitely felt weird to put away my picture frames, change my screen saver (I'm guessing the sub won't want to look at my babies' u/s images) and tiddy up like I clean my house for a guest to visit.

I'm glad that I was able to do those things though, and prepare my students a little. I think it would have been a lot harder for both my students and I if I suddenly was gone without warning. I had to make several promises of visits with the babies and several hugs- one of my kindergartners cried. Awww. I'm such a work-a-holic that it is going to be hard to stay mostly disconnected to my students' progress and learning. I've worked so hard up until this point to get them where they are- I really hope they don't regress with a different teacher.

So many people asked me if I was excited to be done- and I think it just hasn't sunk in yet. Maybe after Monday and some rest it will seem more real.

Yesterday was also our last u/s and appointment with the perinatologist- unless there are problems. Basically, except for the contractions at the end of December, I've been a pretty boring, textbook twin pregnancy, which is fantastic! Everything continues to be just fine. We didn't get any good pictures, because their heads are so low in my pelvis and turned towards my spine that we couldn't see their precious faces. Ready for exit! Now we just need to wait to see the real thing at this point! He didn't measure my cervix because he said it really didn't matter at this point. If I go into labor they wouldn't attempt to stop it. Our little girl Sweet Pea was 5 lbs and Little Bean was 5 lbs 1 oz. He said they were small for a singleton at this point, but large for twins. Over 10 lbs of baby in there- no wonder every part of my body is aching under the strain.

We also had a NST, which was also just fine. Next NST and OB appointment is on Thursday! I'm beginning to wonder if they will try to come out on their own... or if other measures will need to be taken. Now that I'm done with work, I don't really want to sit around for three weeks and wait until mid-March to deliver. I might take my OB's offer to induce at 37 weeks instead of waiting til 38 weeks if it comes to that.

For the record, these are some dates that I think would make great birth days: February 28th (Lately I've been secretly telling them that is when it is okay to come out), March 6th, or March 9th. Here's the story about March 9th- my class is visiting the hospital in the morning and my hospital plays the baby music for babies that were just born. How cute would it be for the music to play twice while my class is on their field trip and they'd know it was my babies???

doctor appointments

Two doctor appointments down, one to go this week. It was a pretty uneventful u/s appointment with the specialist on Tuesday (just the way I like it)- Sweet Pea, our baby girl, was 3 lbs 12 oz and Little Bean, our baby boy, was 3 lbs 10 oz- both right around the 50%ile. Do the math and that's 7 lbs 6 oz of baby in my belly. My cervix was at 3.7 cm- and according to the doc, anything over 3 is great right now... but he also mentioned that anything at all is great after Sunday when I hit 32 weeks. The babes are still head down, which is unlikely to change at this point. Since their heads are nestled in my pelvis, he even commented that my bladder must be loving that. Uh huh... another reason to be thankful for a bathroom in my classroom- very easy to zip right into in an emergency. The nurse acted surprised when I said I was still working- but no comments were made that I shouldn't be. I'm saving that chat for the OB appointment on Friday. We watched their chests rise and fall as they were "practice" breathing. That was really neat to see.

Sweet Pea, our little baby girl ( I think she has my nose)

Shy Little Bean, our little baby boy who has had his hand in front of his face EVERY SINGLE TIME we get an u/s. This is the best picture we could get.

Our other appointment was today with the pediatrician we are considering- I felt very comfortable with her, and so check! another thing is crossed off the list.

MFM appointment

We had our 28w u/s appointment with the MFM specialist, and all continues to look good. My cervix is at 3.9 cm- and while at the hospital about two weeks ago it was measured at 4 cm (I'm thinking there has to be at least a 0.1 cm margin of error) so it appears that there were no long lasting ill effects from my bout with scary contractions. According to the doc, anything over 3 cm at this point is great. That's fantastic news!

It continues to amaze me how fast he zips through measuring all the parts of two babies compared to the u/s I got from u/s techs in the past. In less than a half hour he was done- and all the measurements were so speedy, I can't even remember most of them except that each baby was 2 lbs 11 oz- exactly the same weight. That also means I've got over 5 lbs of baby in there- no wonder the stretch marks (my Christmas present from Santa) continue to multiply and there are times during the day that my stomach just feels heavy.

Here are the images, although they are not the best we've gotten from all the ultrasounds so far:

Baby girl with her hand by her face

Baby boy saluting with his foot by his forehead

Sweet Pea also kicked me so hard today that I totally said "OW" out loud. That was a first. I guess they are getting pretty strong in there!

Perinatologist Appointment

Today we met the perinatologist for the first time. It is amazing how much more quickly he zipped through the u/s than all the u/s techs we've seen! It was great to see the babies again- I know that most people get one or two u/s during their pregnancy, but 7 weeks has been a long time for us to wait to see them again!

At 18 weeks they were both transverse (sideways)- I'm happy to say that now both babies are head down, facing each other (although this could change at any time). That would explain why I feel the most movement high in my belly. One is 1 lb 9 oz, and the other is 1 lb 10 oz. Dr. J said my cervix is a "super star" at just over 5 cm. I breathed a little easier after that, because a shortened cervix is more likely with a multiple PG, and the most likely cause for bedrest at this point. This too could change at any moment though. Dr. J also mentioned that 32 weeks is his magic number- that babies born at that time fair as well in the long run as a full term baby. That was something I hadn't heard before, but I still let him know we were shooting for 38 weeks. Maybe I'll change my mind later, but for now, that's a good goal for me to have.

At the last u/s I got very lightheaded after about an hour. This time I lasted maybe 20 minutes on my back before I almost fainted. Everything started to get dark and it started to sound like I was in a tunnel. When I mentioned that I felt lightheaded, the nurse quickly had me turn on my left side and put a cold, wet towel on my face for a little bit. Dr. J did the rest of the u/s with me laying on my side, which was interesting.

Our next appointment with the perinatologist is in 4 weeks. Our next appointment with my OB is in 2 and a half weeks, and then I should start seeing him every 2 weeks. So basically, once I hit January (and the third trimester) I will be seeing a doctor almost every week. I can't believe how fast this is flying by; but yet the IVF in July seems so long ago.

Sweet Pea (our baby girl who is on the right side of my uterus)

Little Bean (our baby boy who is on the left side- he always has his hand by his face!)

Their heads side by side

Where to Begin???

Where to begin? How can so much coolness be crammed into one day??? Starting with the very best:

Can you see both heads and the arms?

The ultrasound was over 2 hours long. The tech waited until after measuring everything before telling us the genders- but I have to say that I totally knew that Baby A was a girl right away before she told us, because I saw the telltale three white lines when she first started measuring. I also figured out that Baby B was a boy while she was measuring the kidneys- it was pretty hard to miss right there between his legs.
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Baby A (Sweet Pea) is transverse (sideways) on top and is our little wiggle worm (and has been for every u/s). The u/s tech was getting so frustrated because she wouldn't hold still enough to cooperate for a lot of the measurements. The tech said it has been a long time since she's seen a baby as active as our little girl. So she took a long time to get everything measured. Wowza- judging by her hyperactivity, we going to have our hands full with her! Her heartrate was 150 bpm this time. Here is her profile and her girly bits:

Because it took soooo long to get everything for her, I was getting pretty uncomfortable laying on my back by the time we got around to Baby B (Little Bean). My back was getting unbearable from the pain, and the pressure of my uterus was making me get lightheaded and dizzy. I actually almost fainted, right there during the u/s halfway through Baby B. Fortunately, I realized what was about to happen, and we took a break during the u/s so I could stand up and drink some water.

Then on to our little boy- Baby B (Little Bean) who was transverse under his sister. He is measuring a little larger than her, with a more oval shaped head (which the u/s tech said is totally normal from the pressure of the other baby on top). His heart rate was 140 bpm this time. He was just chillaxin' under her- but a little shy and kept covering his face with his hands whenever we tried to get a peek at his face. Here is his profile and boy bits:

Then we went to register at Target with my handy list compiled from several twin books I've read. I felt so prepared heading there- but wow- how overwhelming! Tonight I am going with a friend who is a mother of 3 for some expert advice- thank goodness. More about registering in another post to come.

When we got home, there was a box waiting for me- the miracle pillow that is going to cure my incessant back pain arrived! I ordered it last week when I was at my wits end about my back. It isn't a snoogle, because I thought this one would be better for me. I think it will take some getting used to, but this morning my back was much better (although I tossed and turned much of the night).

But that's not all- it was like an early Christmas! When I checked our email, I found out that our cribs are ready to be picked up! We decided to wait until today to go get them, because we were both pretty tired from the day's awesome events.

So finding out the genders, ultrasounds, registering, pregnancy pillow, and cribs- what a full day!!!

12 week u/s pictures

We got to see 4-d shots! This is Sweet Pea.

Here is Little Bean- facing away, head on top (baby butt on bottom).

Little Bean's profile

Sweet Pea's profile

Sweet Pea's skeletor face waving to us (a face only a mother and father could love).

Siblings together. (Is it bad that Little Bean already seemed to be kicking her sibling-almost like she's saying: quit bumping me!?!)

It has been nothing short of phenomenal watching them grow every two weeks on the u/s screen. The last two times I couldn't tear my eyes away from the screen to take note of the measurements, I was so entranced by their movements. I asked afterwards today and Sweet Pea and Little Bean's heart rates were 170 bpm and 167 bpm (are we in for two girls???) Sweet Pea was measuring at 12w0d (over 5 cm) and Little Bean was measuring 12w2d (over 5 cm). Am I nuts for the over achiever in me wanting them to be ahead of their actual age?
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I'm so going to miss my biweekly peeks into my uterus. I can't believe it will probably be 6 long weeks until my next u/s. I am SO ready to feel their wiggles and kicks. Everyone keeps asking me if I have- and I'm afraid that I might just miss it until it is a full blown jab. I hope that starts soon- I think that may be the only way I keep sane until I see my little babes again.

The END of PIO

First off: ONLY ONE MORE PIO SHOT TO GO!!!!
There will be some celebrating going on this weekend for us!!! Unless you've had to endure 2ccs of PIO shots for 10 weeks, every night, you probably have no idea what a big deal this is for me. I cannot wait for the lumps on top of lumps to fade away from my rear. I cannot wait until I can sleep on either side of my body without gingerly turning to avoid the sore spots. I cannot wait to carry my school bag without it painfully hitting my side. I cannot wait to be able to sit in plastic chairs without wincing. I cannot wait to have an evening when 9 pm is uneventful and I don't have to wonder if this time I'll cry/yell/get hysterical because the pain/burning hurts that badly. I cannot wait to put that box of meds and needles away (three jam packed biohazard boxes full) so it can be out of sight, out of mind.

Secondly, my next u/s is on Tuesday. Although I'm going to miss the biweekly peeks at our babies, I am almost relieved that after that- I will truly be treated like any other twin pregnancy. I will finally be "normal." I am almost pleased that I will get a break from trying to figure out a way to leave school early every week and search for someone to cover my room. Of course, I say that now- but I have a sneaking suspicion that after the next two weeks passes, I don't get my usual u/s, AND I have to wait 4 MORE weeks beyond that for another look, I will be going crazy. They better be moving around by then so I have at least some reassurance that all is well!

And finally- it is never a dull day at my school. I have a new story to share: In my class this year I have one set of girl twins, and one boy from a set of boy twins (the other boy is in another class). I can't wait until I get to tell my students that I'm having twins too- and see those little kids' eyes light right up. I'm planning on waiting until one of them asks though. It just doesn't feel right to tell them before they say something first. Anyway, this morning, the mother of the twin boy says to me politely that she heard a rumor that I'm expecting...? (my first parent to come right out and ask) and so I confirmed it, then told her it was twins. She was so excited and said that I have to let her know if they are both boys because she still has all her boys' stuff (score for us if that's the case!). I said, "You're not planning on having any more kids?" She said no because it took them a long time and had a lot of trouble having the boys. Now normally I would never ask someone outright if they dealt with infertility to respect their personal level of privacy- but something in her voice made me come right out and ask if they did any sort of fertility treatments. She said they did IVF- and so I told her we did too. How neat is that? So we chatted for just a minute about how many IVF cycles we both did (both one) and other stuff- and it was simply awesome and made my day. I am so glad that little boy was placed in my class. It was so nice to talk to someone in person, IRL, that has walked in my shoes. Now I'm dying to find out if the girl set of twins is also the result of fertility treatments...

3rd u/s - 10w5d

Our third u/s was on Friday. It happened to be the first Friday of the school year, but thankfully I was able to work it out so that my room was covered from 1:30 until the end of the day so I did not have to take a 1/2 day off. I'm trying to hang onto the days I have for as long as I can. As it is, I don't have a ton of wiggle room for the unexpected things that may happen with a twin pregnancy later on, so I'm hoping for the best, putting all my faith in that it will all work out ok in the end, and hoping for no unpaid leave time.

I really needed the extra pick-me-up from a good u/s because my Friday at school stunk, and the whole first week was a doozy. Fortunately, seeing my babies erased the extra long wait for the u/s (sitting in the waiting room for 40 minutes with a bursting bladder is NO FUN) and all of the craziness of the first week of school in literally two heartbeats. (One was 168bpm and the other was 164 bpm.)

This is the picture we got of both together. I was kind of disappointed, because what we saw on the screen looked so much better than this. It was so clear and easy to make out all four legs and arms. I think this u/s tech switched Baby A and B from what they were labelled at past u/s, so I'm still saying that Sweet Pea is on the left and Little Bean is on the right. Sweet Pea was wiggling up a storm in there the entire time. It was so amazing to see and I was so mesmerized by the screen that I missed a lot of the measurements and what numbers went with which baby. Little Bean was still at first, kicked and moved her arms in the middle of the u/s, and then was still at the end. One measured 3.81 cm long and the other was 4.05 cm. According to the tech, they were both measuring 10w6d- one day ahead.

Sweet Pea

Little Bean

Now we are just waiting for a call from one of my RE's nurses with the b/w results to find out the next step. I'm thinking (and hoping) she'll say to stop the PIO injections and estrogen pills, and I'll get another u/s soon to make sure all is still good. If that is not the case, I don't know when my next u/s will be. I do have my first OB appointment on Wednesday afternoon so hopefully that goes well. I'm not sure what to expect since I've been monitored so closely already, and I've never met the OB before. My RE recommended him to us- we wanted to make sure to select someone who had a lot of experience with twin pregnancies and deliveries. Hopefully I will know more soon, at least by Wednesday!

2nd u/s 8w5d

Last weekend we had gotten an insurance claim denying payment for the b/w and u/s we have had since the positive Hcg test. After lots of phone calls Monday we got things figured out, although not fixed. We have no choice but to pay the over a thousand dollars and in addition to thousands more if we continued with my RE until he was planning on releasing us to an OB at 12 weeks. So on Monday, I was forced to "graduate" early to an OB. I made a lot more phone calls to make an OB appointment with the OB my RE recommended, as well as u/s and b/w appointments (we will continue to have them every 2 weeks until 12 weeks). So our u/s ended up getting moved up from next Friday to today.

I was very nervous to go to a different place and get a "regular" u/s from a u/s tech instead of from my RE, who does them himself. I was afraid we wouldn't get told anything right away. I also got to experience my first abdominal u/s, which was interesting. We were told that our u/s was scheduled for TWO HOURS since "there are two in there." I thought there was no way I could keep my bladder from bursting for that long. Although it was much longer than my u/s in the past and many more measurements were taken, it did not last two hours. My worries were for nothing, because the very nice u/s lady was very informative. And now for the interesting stuff:

Baby A and Baby B (sorry, Sweet Pea and Little Bean) are both doing great. Whew! Sweet Pea's heart rate was 164 and Little Bean's was 170. Both good. Both measured right about where they should be: Sweet Pea was 1.7 cm and Little Bean was 1.8 cm. When the tech was positioning the wand to see both at the same time, we even saw Sweet Pea wiggle a little.

Our next u/s is in two weeks- on the first Friday of school. Since they say I need two time slots because of the twins, I have no choice but to have to leave school at 1:30. I am hoping I can get someone to cover my class for about an hour instead of getting a sub. I am trying not to stress yet about my 20 poor kindergartners finding their way to the buses and home without me there on only the fourth day of school- but my babies are my priority. Somehow it is just going to have to work out.

I guess I should get busy buying twins and multiple books now, huh? Is it starting to sink in, now that we've had 2 u/s? Maybe...

TWINS!!!

Two wonderful sacs, two beautiful babies, two amazing heartbeats!!!

I was SO anxious that I hardly slept at all last night. I had to get up at 4:30 so we could get to the clinic on time. I swear I got maybe two hours of sleep.

When Dr. S first said "there's two," he said it so quietly, I wasn't sure I had heard him correctly, so I almost said "What did you say???" but then he quickly zoomed over to the first sac, so I thought I could wait a few more seconds to find out if he really said two. I was anxious about seeing the h/b flicker, but we saw it right away. Dr. S doesn't measure beats per minute at this stage, so I don't know what either bpm was. Then he moved over and I saw the second sac right away, but it didn't sink in until he showed us the h/b flicker for that one. Then I really started to realize that he DID say two. Both babies are measuring almost exactly the same, so that make me pretty happy. I was really surprised by myself that I didn't cry, I got choked up, and just kept gripping Jake's hand, but no tears.

I have been hoping and praying all along for two. Jake and I have been talking to them as two. After all we have been through, I just didn't think it was possible for us to be so amazingly blessed with two miracles though. I honestly did not think this would be the result. I tried to hold on hope and just pray that God would give us exactly what we could handle.

I know we have a long road ahead of us. I know it is still really early (6w5d), but just like with those two pink lines, I will try to relish this moment as long as I can before I cave and let the worries start to creep in.

Dr. S will be on "vacation" for a good part of August, so that means I won't get another u/s until the last week in August. Since my school work days begin that week, I am a little stuck with the times I could take the four hour trip. I can't miss the Open House or Administrative Day, you know? So that means I have to wait until August 28th to see my babies again- a ridiculously long 3 weeks from now. I tried to convince them to let me come in next week, but they didn't think it was necessary. Darn it.

The first u/s image is of Baby A (which we will be calling Sweet Pea). The second u/s image is of Baby B (which we will be calling Little Bean). The final u/s is of the two sacs side by side.

Replacing anxiety with excitement

So I think my anxiety from the E2 suppression drama has finally worn down enough that I have gotten back to a state of excited anticipation for the egg retrieval and transfer. It also helps that it is only a week or so away! And to think that if I wasn't delayed the ER might have been right now, today- wow.

Today was my u/s after 4 days of stims. I finally got to ask the RE my questions, and he reassured me about all of them. It sounds like things are going well- Two days ago they could see 10 follicles, today he saw 16 ranging in size from 7-13 mm (most were around 10-11). My E2 went up to 195. He said everything was great, so I am continuing the same amounts of Follistim and Lupron. It really reassures me that things are moving along exactly as they should if the amounts don't have to be adjusted.

The shots have gotten really old, really fast and I am ready to be done with that part though. It's funny- the Lupron shot itself hasn't been too bad, but the side effects afterwards really ramped up when I increased the dosage to 40 units daily. The side effects I have felt are: bloating, tiredness, trouble sleeping, hot flashes, headaches, mood swings, as well as itching and hotness at the injection site. The Follistim has been kind of the opposite: the shot hurts. (I totally understand why Follistim's nickname is FolliSTING) But the side effects aren't really that bad from it- bloating and that's about all. I'm already starting to feel my ovaries kickin' into high gear, so I'm a little scared about how it will feel later on this week (especially since I've only taken four days of Follistim so far). I think it is just about time to break out the elastic waistbands!

The drives to and from the RE have definitely gotten old too. Today I had to get up at 4:30 am (on a Sunday) to get to the RE's early this morning for my u/s and b/w. Jake and I hung out in Green Bay afterwards and went to the zoo so we wouldn't have to turn around and drive back right away. It was perfect weather for a day at the zoo. I will go back to the RE in two days on Tuesday for a u/s and b/w after six days of stims. My appointment couldn't be any later than 7:45 am that day since Dr. S needs to leave by 8 am to go to his other clinic. I guess I will have to leave our house at 5:45 am that day- ick. Good thing I don't have to go to work afterwards and I can come back and take a nice long nap. Until then, I hope my lovely follicle keep doing their thing: my current mantra is grow, follies, grow!

Out of my control

So I am realizing how much of a control freak I really am. What I don't have control of, I like to have complete knowledge about. It is driving me insane not being completely well informed about what's going on in my body and what exactly it means. I know reproduction has to do with biology and biology is not really an exact science because every body is different- but seriously, where is the internet site that tells you exactly how many follicles I should have cookin' after 2 days of stims (and the table that shows every day of stims thereafter) that qualify as "average" "good" "excellent"... or "below average???" Then, where is the table that states what the E2 level should be to correspond to the appropriate follicle count and size??? As a bonus, a table that showed the % likelihood of IVF success based on those factors would a nice addition. I need to know if I am supposed to be thrilled, satisfied, or disappointed, or some gray area between those emotions when knowing my numbers!

After my OBGyn debacle at the beginning of our TTC efforts (yes, I can confidently say I DO know more about reproduction and issues surrounding reproduction than my ex-OBGyn, even if she has the market cornered on all the other areas) I just can't completely trust a doctor or nurse with my fertility. They all say it "looks good" and the longer suppression won't affect the success, but how do I know if they are just placating me??? In the back of my head, I remember my ex-OBGyn stating in April 2007- that she was sure she would see me back PG before my next appointment with her in July of 2007. Obviously THAT didn't happen. She also thought our issues were with me, not him- and the precedent was set for my mistrust of doctors from there on out. It has only been in the last year or so that I realize how much time was wasted on the 8 months of unmonitored Clomid I took... for 0% morphology, and how it could have all been different if I knew more at the time. I don't want the same mistake to happen again.

It doesn't help that I have not seen my RE in the last week and a half. All the times I was going back for just the E2 b/w, I didn't see him. He was supposed to do my u/s today and I had a long list of questions- but it turns out he had kidney stones and needed surgery this morning. I felt even less confident about getting an accurate answer from the nurses. I'm also not as confident in the nurse's measuring ability on the u/s- what if she missed one (or several) of my lovely follicles?

Dr. S should be there on Sunday when I head back after 4 days of stims... which is good, because my list of questions is getting even longer for him. Let's hope he has satisfying answers to each one, because the lack of knowledge is killing me over here.

I need a drink. But alas, I gave up alcohol for the IVF and I've already eaten WAY too much ice cream in the last two weeks...