FMLA Leave Update

Three days into my not-working current life, it has been interesting (or really NOT interesting, depending on how you look at it, actually). In the summer when I have months off from school, the days pass by quickly because I enjoy the weather, go outside, go for long walks with my dogs, go garage saling, get involved in projects, etc. I can't do any of those things right now. (Granted, I still get bored during the summer too) I've found that I can only do one thing around the house right now (put in a load of laundry, get dressed, etc.) before my hips start hurting and I need to sit down. I'm afraid to start any projects because who knows what tomorrow will bring? One of these days tomorrow will bring babies and a whole new life without time for finishing projects!

I've also discovered that things don't just get increasingly more difficult each week, but exponentially worse. Week 35 is exponentially worse than week 34. I don't know HOW I worked last week. I thought this week would be like spring break- sleeping in, being well rested, relaxing, no more swollen feet because I wouldn't be standing all day... WRONG. I'm still in a lot of pain all the time that makes it very difficult to sleep, walk, move or sit. I am forever thankful that I was blessed to be able to experience pregnancy and I wouldn't give away the last 8-9 months for anything. But my body is getting close to done. I would love to go back a few months and stay that stage of pregnant forever. But this is hard. I don't think you can truly comprehend how hard unless you've been pregnant with twins in the third trimester. To try and put it in perspective, I've measured over full term for almost two months. If you've been pregnant before- think how you felt right before you delivered. That's how I've felt since the end of December.

I'm also spending a lot of time on the couch, because that is less painful than moving around. That means I'm spending more time on the computer... which can be a little dangerous for my bank account! On etsy I found the cutest things for my babies: I got two shirts that say "I was worth the wait" from FuzzyBabyDesigns after seeing something similar on my friend's blog.

And I got these from PickySticky on etsy, after seeing them on someone's blog too (I can't remember who!):

They are stickers you apply right to the onesie each month for pictures, up through the first year. I think they will be just adorable and make it easier to take pictures with two squirming babies without needing a piece of paper to try to position too.

In other less cheery news... after talking with the person in charge of FMLA and paychecks at my district, it does not look good that I will be able to stay out for the rest of the school year. My husband and I have yet to finalize our decision- but I think I will have to go back in mid May and work 3 weeks until the end of the school year. I'd have 12 total weeks off, but unless these babies come tomorrow, less than 12 weeks with them. I think it stinks and it makes me want to cry, but I think it will be the way things end up happening. My husband would use some of his leave during that time to stay home and take care of our little ones (my MIL volunteered to stay during that time and help out) so we wouldn't need daycare- but still. It royally stinks. I will update when the final decision is made.

Love From a Blogger Friend

A week or so ago I got a wonderful and so sweet package in the mail from my blogger friend Courtney. It was so unexpected and so incredibly kind of her, that I had to share on here and publicly thank her! Courtney is currently PUPO after IVF #3, and counting away the days until her beta. If you have a chance, visit her blog and give her some support while she waits! Thank you for being such a good blog friend Courtney!

A Day of Lasts

Yesterday was my last day at work for a very long time. I'm used to leaving my room for a few months in the summer, but not used to turning my room and my students over to another person. It definitely felt weird to put away my picture frames, change my screen saver (I'm guessing the sub won't want to look at my babies' u/s images) and tiddy up like I clean my house for a guest to visit.

I'm glad that I was able to do those things though, and prepare my students a little. I think it would have been a lot harder for both my students and I if I suddenly was gone without warning. I had to make several promises of visits with the babies and several hugs- one of my kindergartners cried. Awww. I'm such a work-a-holic that it is going to be hard to stay mostly disconnected to my students' progress and learning. I've worked so hard up until this point to get them where they are- I really hope they don't regress with a different teacher.

So many people asked me if I was excited to be done- and I think it just hasn't sunk in yet. Maybe after Monday and some rest it will seem more real.

Yesterday was also our last u/s and appointment with the perinatologist- unless there are problems. Basically, except for the contractions at the end of December, I've been a pretty boring, textbook twin pregnancy, which is fantastic! Everything continues to be just fine. We didn't get any good pictures, because their heads are so low in my pelvis and turned towards my spine that we couldn't see their precious faces. Ready for exit! Now we just need to wait to see the real thing at this point! He didn't measure my cervix because he said it really didn't matter at this point. If I go into labor they wouldn't attempt to stop it. Our little girl Sweet Pea was 5 lbs and Little Bean was 5 lbs 1 oz. He said they were small for a singleton at this point, but large for twins. Over 10 lbs of baby in there- no wonder every part of my body is aching under the strain.

We also had a NST, which was also just fine. Next NST and OB appointment is on Thursday! I'm beginning to wonder if they will try to come out on their own... or if other measures will need to be taken. Now that I'm done with work, I don't really want to sit around for three weeks and wait until mid-March to deliver. I might take my OB's offer to induce at 37 weeks instead of waiting til 38 weeks if it comes to that.

For the record, these are some dates that I think would make great birth days: February 28th (Lately I've been secretly telling them that is when it is okay to come out), March 6th, or March 9th. Here's the story about March 9th- my class is visiting the hospital in the morning and my hospital plays the baby music for babies that were just born. How cute would it be for the music to play twice while my class is on their field trip and they'd know it was my babies???

I'm Done

... in two days.

I made a decision today- after snapping at my students and feeling guilty about it, after trying to hold back the tears generated from shear exhaustion while driving to work (which felt eerily similar to what I tried to do on many drives to work at this time last year), and after looking at my unrecognizable feet when I peeled off my socks this evening:

I am done.

Friday will be my last day at work. That means I worked up to 35 weeks. 3 weeks shy of my first goal; 1 week shy of my adjusted goal. At this point, I know I could endure a few more days- but now I am really worried I won't get a chance to recover before the twins are born and I cannot fathom going through labor this worn out and then drop-kicked into parenting two newborns. I need at least a few days to restock my energy reserves to make it through the big things that are soon on the horizon.

It also means that to stay out for the rest of the school year, I will have to take 3 more unpaid weeks. I'm not really sure if that is a possibility. I'm not really sure if I can decide that later, or if I need to declare my intentions now, for paperwork. What I need (besides to be done now) is a magical money fairy to give me 2 paychecks worth of moola to make it all work out.

But I know I am done. I just have to make it through 2 more days. I promise I will do a better job of commenting on blogs next week after I get a chance to recuperate a little from the huge energy drain working has been on my body and mind lately. I've really been a slacker in that department, and I'm sorry!

A Vent

You are forewarned, this isn't a pretty post. But I needed to vent a little- if you don't like it, then don't read it (or comment).

I am SO sick of people not understanding that a twin/multiple pregnancy is different. (I know they won't unless they walk in my shoes, but I'm going to vent anyway)

I am sick of my mother trying to treat our pregnancy the same as my brother's (they just had #2 today) to try to be fair (but this is our first and there's two in there and we went through hell to get here and we won't have any more!) Fair doesn't always mean equal.

I am so sick of my co-workers thinking and talking behind my back that I'm making too big of a deal about taking it easy and being too cautious. I'm still teaching at 34 weeks and that's a pretty big feat, I think! I don't complain about how I can't stand longer than 15 minutes without shooting pain in my hips, or how I can't sleep, or how swollen my feet are, or any other daily pain I endure while working. I am sick of them thinking that I should be as mobile as a singleton pregnancy at 34 weeks, even though I've been measuring over 40 weeks since the end of December. I want to tell them: "You try being full term for two months and see how that feels while having twice the hormones and twice the energy sap going into creating two living things!" I am so sick of the jealousy some of them have because a few other people I work with are treating this as a little more special than a typical pregnancy. I know even if I stopped working today without going into labor, there would be lots of comments made about that too.

Urgh! I am just so OVER it.

Thanks for letting me vent. :)

What's That???

That's two car seats installed in our Pilot! Holy crap! My dear husband had two things I asked him to do this weekend: 1.) install the car seats 2.) clean the house.

One out of two isn't bad. I guess he does still have tomorrow to finish the other(while I am at work)...

Now the only thing left on the list is to buy nursing bras. Seriously, that's it. Have I been procrastinating about that? Yup. I just don't know what size to get and I need to call the Bravado bra customer service to get their opinion since I'm off their charts on the website. I hate calling people.

First NST

Yesterday I had my first non-stress test (NST) and another uneventful OB appointment. I worry more than ever before that each appointment is going to be the one that concludes with, "go get your bags and head back to the birthing center." I'm in this constant state of anticipation that either my blood pressure will be too high, or my cervix will be long gone, or I'll be contracting and not be able to distinguish it from the other daily pains I feel, or some other reason will make that appointment my last. But this time, my blood pressure was "good" as well as everything else- so I'm back to work on Monday and back to the clinic on Friday for another NST and u/s with the perinatologist. I'm guessing I have over 9 and 1/2 lbs of baby in there, so I estimate that by the u/s I'll have 10 and 1/2 lbs (since each babe is supposed to gain about 1/2 a week). I guess I've proven that bed rest after contractions at 26 weeks was not necessary, huh?

The NST was no biggie, because I was hooked up to monitors during my brief hospital stay two months ago so it was just more of the same. Little Bean (baby boy) got hiccups during it and it was very comical to see and feel my stomach jerk rhythmically while hearing it at the same time. I was supposed to push a button every time I felt movement, so I was pushing it every second there for a while.

I let my OB know that I'm still on the vaginal delivery side of things, but that if I make it to 38 weeks, I'm probably more inclined to prefer a C-section. I asked if that would need to be scheduled in advance, and he said no- that if I have an appointment in the morning, I can let him know and we can do it later that day, or if my appointment is later in the day, we can plan it for the next day. So we'll just have to wait and see. I liked the idea of having a definitive date in my head that the babies would be here no later than, but I like that my doctor is okay with whatever I want (vaginal or C-section, and timing: anywhere in the 37th or 38th week).

Wish me luck for another week of teaching kindergartners while 8+ months pregnant with twins!

Call Me Crazy...

Call me crazy, but now that I think I've dropped, I'm a little wistful that I never got kicked in the ribs and I don't think it will happen now.

Call me crazy, but I'm afraid my belly button isn't going to pop and that makes me sad.

Call me crazy, but some days I'd be okay with one baby born vaginally and one via C-section- just so I get to experience both ways.

This will be my only pregnancy and although some days I'm barely hanging by a thread by the end (or even in the morning when I get up- who am I kidding), I am sad to see it end. Every day I soak in the feeling of limbs moving inside my uterus, thinking that every day could be the last time to feel that. I want every pregnancy experience. I know far too soon these days will be a foggy memory.

It still seems unreal to me that very soon two babies will be coming home with us. The thought crosses my mind every once in a while that maybe they are wrong and there's only one in there. (Irrational, I know). It still seems so hard to believe we are having twins at times that I actually pinched myself last night, just to reassure myself that I was truly not just dreaming. Some days I just can't believe that is is and will be my life.

I am so fortunate. I am so blessed.

New Belly Shots

31 weeks

32 weeks

33 weeks

Holy cow! (literally???) It's been a long time since I heard the words: "you have such a cute belly." Ah well- I expected it. As my wardrobe continues to shrink, I'm also begining to care a lot less- if it is comfortable, it covers the gargantuan belly, and it is clean- it works. I'm too tired to put any more thought into it than that at this point. One of my co-workers said she thinks I've dropped, but I can't tell. Also- I want to know who voted 34 weeks (!) in the poll- goodness gracious, that's next week! I know that's entirely possible, but still...

The home stretch

It has been definitely obvious that we are in the home stretch. Today marks 33 weeks, and it is hard to believe that I am carrying the equivalent of two pineapples in my uterus. I could focus on the aches and pains that brings, like how even taking a shower is too long for my poor hips and feet to tolerate pain free, or how I miss my ankles. But instead I'm going to focus on the little details we are crossing off the list! We had a productive weekend- my dear husband assembled the co-sleeper, which is now hanging out right next to our bed. I sterilized the pump pieces, washed and wiped down the bouncers, swing, bath seat, boppies, etc. All that stuff is set to go! We bought a lamp and curtain rod for the babies' room. All that I can say is really left to do is install the car seats (the plan for next weekend), pack the diaper bag once it arrives (I went with the Skip Hop Double Duo Deluxe), put up the curtains once my friend finishes making them, and buy nursing bras. Maybe stock up on more diapers, too? I'm trying to get my husband to deep clean- but we'll see if that ever happens. Overall, that's not really that long of a list!

My long term sub is coming to school all day tomorrow to observe and figure out how I do things- I'm slightly afraid that that is the last thing that's keeping up my resolve to work as long as possible instead of throwing in the towel. The voice in my head is whispering that working until 34 weeks (through this week) is admirable enough, but logical me is begging not to have to go back to work in May. We'll see who wins on that one- or if the babies have other plans in mind. Don't tell my husband, but I'm beginning to start feeling like 36 weeks is going to be the magic number... I have a feeling that the twins' birth day will be February 28th. That's my guess- but 38 weeks is still the ultimate goal. Maybe it is time I put up a guess-the-date poll?

Maternity Favs

As my time pregnant nears the end, I thought I'd share a few things I love that I discovered during my pregnancy:

The Be Maternity Seamless Ruched Tank from Target is awesome. I have two in white as well as one in black and I literally wear one of those just about every day. They are one of the only things that fit early on and continue to fit my enormous belly now. I love how it feels like it holds me in, but doesn't feel too thick or heavy.

I read about Mama Mio Tummy Rub Butter on a blog many months ago. I decided to try it and haven't turned back. Although it didn't keep me from getting stretch marks (Come on though- I'm short and expecting twins. I wasn't delusional enough to think I'd escape stretch marks completely), it makes my stomach skin feel great. It soaks right in, doesn't feel greasy and smells wonderfully. Using it completely prevents any itchiness. I ran out this week and resorted to Palmer's Cocoa Butter while I waited for more Tummy Rub Butter in the mail, and the difference is astounding. Palmer's doesn't even come close.

After my extreme back pain this fall, I knew I had to get something beyond a basic body pillow if I was planning on sleeping at all for the next week months. A stomach sleeper by nature, it has been hard enough to start sleeping on my side. I thought about a Snoogle, but wanted something that would be good for my belly too, and the Leachco Back N Belly Pillow seemed perfect. We've traveled twice since I got the pillow, and I brought it with both times. It's like my little nest in bed and the #1 reason I can still get pretty solid sleep at 8 months pregnant with twins.

When I'm not wearing my boots I wear Skechers Step Up Mary Janes with my dress pants to work. They feel like sneakers, but look dressy enough to pass as appropriate. I wasn't the first to discover this, though- many of my co-workers have been wearing them for a while now. Usually I'm a little more style over comfort when it comes to shoes- but these have really helped my poor feet take a break from my boots.

And those are a few of my favorite maternity things!

The best packages!

Today was a great mail day! First, I got my replacement box of Mama Mio Tummy Rub Butter (which I was really missing since I ran out a few days ago), I got my shipment from Target.com (there was a baby sale this week so I got a few good deals on bottles and lap pads- two of the few things left that we needed more of), AND the best of all- there was a small package containing the most adorable baby hats ever from Carol at Happy High Heels! Her blog is private, but she is a fellow expecting-twins-after-IVF blogger, and only three weeks behind our due date.

I absolutely LOVE THEM! She made them to go with our preemie hospital outfits (we got those and newborn outfits, just in case). Now I'm almost hoping our little ones are small enough to fit into preemie size clothes so they can sport these hats in their first ever photo op. I don't have a picture of the newborn outfits, but here's a picture of the preemie outfits to go with the hats:

THANK YOU CAROL! YOU ROCK!

Call Me Superwoman

I worked for 10+ hours today (at 32 weeks and 3 days pregnant with twins as a kindergarten teacher) while wearing these shoes:

11 hours after putting them on, my feet thanked me for taking them off.

Drama, Drama, Drama

*sigh* Working with 99% women always leads to major drama. I have been pretty good at avoiding a lot of it lately, because the walk down to the staff lounge is really too far for me to trudge in my current state. Since I've been eating in my room most of the time, I miss a lot of the drama. Today, I created some drama... but I had no choice.

One of the interviewees for my long term sub position was the daughter of the kindergarten teacher across the hall from me. She just finished student teaching in kindergarten and just graduated in December. Since this fall, she had been giving me (through her mom) her resume, reference letters as she got more, etc.... and I thought she'd probably be my long term sub. From what I know she will be an excellent teacher and is really a natural.

However, one of the other interviewees from this morning recently relocated from a different state... and has 8 years of recent teaching experience in kindergarten. She interviewed really well and after calling her reference (her past principal who had only glowing things to say) there was really no way to justify choosing a recent grad with no experience over her. Since I am going to be gone for 12 weeks and possibly more, this is a pretty long subbing assignment. I don't have an easy class. My principal made it clear who she thought should be selected... which kind of left me with no choice.

What a hard position to be in. So now I'm faced with some major inner school politics. I'm guessing I'll be bearing the brunt of this for a while to come... possibly even into next school year after I return and beyond. I'm pretty sure the degree of helpfulness the teacher across the hall's been giving me will drastically decrease as of now as well.

Side note though- after offering the experienced teacher the position, my principal found out that she also has twins that are first graders, so she totally understands the tentativeness of the time frame for the long term sub position.

*sigh* You'd think by now I would have learned that the right choice isn't always in my best interests personally. Somehow I always seem to get myself in these predicaments where by doing the right thing I pay for it later.