I'm Done

... in two days.

I made a decision today- after snapping at my students and feeling guilty about it, after trying to hold back the tears generated from shear exhaustion while driving to work (which felt eerily similar to what I tried to do on many drives to work at this time last year), and after looking at my unrecognizable feet when I peeled off my socks this evening:

I am done.

Friday will be my last day at work. That means I worked up to 35 weeks. 3 weeks shy of my first goal; 1 week shy of my adjusted goal. At this point, I know I could endure a few more days- but now I am really worried I won't get a chance to recover before the twins are born and I cannot fathom going through labor this worn out and then drop-kicked into parenting two newborns. I need at least a few days to restock my energy reserves to make it through the big things that are soon on the horizon.

It also means that to stay out for the rest of the school year, I will have to take 3 more unpaid weeks. I'm not really sure if that is a possibility. I'm not really sure if I can decide that later, or if I need to declare my intentions now, for paperwork. What I need (besides to be done now) is a magical money fairy to give me 2 paychecks worth of moola to make it all work out.

But I know I am done. I just have to make it through 2 more days. I promise I will do a better job of commenting on blogs next week after I get a chance to recuperate a little from the huge energy drain working has been on my body and mind lately. I've really been a slacker in that department, and I'm sorry!

The home stretch

It has been definitely obvious that we are in the home stretch. Today marks 33 weeks, and it is hard to believe that I am carrying the equivalent of two pineapples in my uterus. I could focus on the aches and pains that brings, like how even taking a shower is too long for my poor hips and feet to tolerate pain free, or how I miss my ankles. But instead I'm going to focus on the little details we are crossing off the list! We had a productive weekend- my dear husband assembled the co-sleeper, which is now hanging out right next to our bed. I sterilized the pump pieces, washed and wiped down the bouncers, swing, bath seat, boppies, etc. All that stuff is set to go! We bought a lamp and curtain rod for the babies' room. All that I can say is really left to do is install the car seats (the plan for next weekend), pack the diaper bag once it arrives (I went with the Skip Hop Double Duo Deluxe), put up the curtains once my friend finishes making them, and buy nursing bras. Maybe stock up on more diapers, too? I'm trying to get my husband to deep clean- but we'll see if that ever happens. Overall, that's not really that long of a list!

My long term sub is coming to school all day tomorrow to observe and figure out how I do things- I'm slightly afraid that that is the last thing that's keeping up my resolve to work as long as possible instead of throwing in the towel. The voice in my head is whispering that working until 34 weeks (through this week) is admirable enough, but logical me is begging not to have to go back to work in May. We'll see who wins on that one- or if the babies have other plans in mind. Don't tell my husband, but I'm beginning to start feeling like 36 weeks is going to be the magic number... I have a feeling that the twins' birth day will be February 28th. That's my guess- but 38 weeks is still the ultimate goal. Maybe it is time I put up a guess-the-date poll?

The 3rd Trimester Hit Like a Ton of Bricks

I've had several moments this week that have made me think I'm out of my ever lovin' mind if I still hope to get to 38 weeks at work. The 3rd trimester was ushered in for me over the holidays, and my goodness- halfway through my second full week back at school, I am struggling. It wears me out just getting ready for school in the morning. I am just about done getting dressed/doing my hair/putting on makeup/eating breakfast and every day without fail, I am so worn out I crave a nap before I even step foot in my vehicle. THEN add in 21 kindergartners from 7:40 am until 3:10 pm (which would completely wear out a normal person) and it's amazing I can even walk to my vehicle in my personal handicapped spot at the end of the day.

I'm jealous of the twin mamas-to-be that stopped working well before my 29 weeks. I'm jealous that I can't be one of the twin teacher moms that said on a post on a twin chat board I read recently that they stopped at 24 weeks . I still think working right now is what's best for my babies (by earning a paycheck), and I don't think working is harming them in any way- or will make them come any earlier. But for simply my comfort- I am exhausted and want to be done with work. What keeps me going is that I know going back to school in spring will be far more painful for me than this. And that's what will happen if I stop before 38 weeks.

What fascinates me a lot lately is how parts of my body hurt that I never knew could hurt. Bones, joints and muscles are screaming for my attention- I think they are demanding, "what the hell are you doing to us???" Before this week, I thought the extent of stretch marks was simply that they just looked unattractive. Imagine my surprise when my stomach skin started burning like it was on fire this week. I woke up in the middle of the night thinking my husband had poked me hard in the stomach. But nope- it was just more stretch marks literally tearing my skin. Maybe that's because I'm now officially measuring 40 weeks according to my OB... that's right, that's full term people (and 10 1/2 weeks ahead of my 29 1/2 weeks). That would also explain why people stare at me where ever I go out in public. Picture this: if I make it to the ultimate goal of 38 weeks, I may just measure around 50 weeks. Imagine the looks I'll get then walking into Target. Ha!

Blech- 7w5d

I have a couple of posts brewin'- but battling all day nausea has been making me really unproductive. But no one wants to read me sharing about feeling ill all the time and being so OVER PIO shots, so hopefully I'll get up enough motivation to type something worthwhile soon.

In case you were wondering about belly shots- we haven't taken any yet. I'm a little sensitive about the IVF weight gain, and I'm not really sure how much is flab (or bloat) and how much is babies right now. Plus, I'm still in summer mode, so I haven't done my hair in who knows how long.

On Monday we have the official ok to get back into our classrooms and get things set up. As usual I have mixed feelings: ready to stop being bored, happy to have a year that will be so different than then last three of dealing with PGs, but wondering where the energy is going to come from to get stuff done when I can't even clean my house and I've got all day to do it, and worrying about spilling the beans before 12 weeks (but not having a choice), and figuring out what the heck I'm going to wear when none of my bottoms fit unless they have elastic waistbands (again- IVF weight gain or babies?). I'm sure I'll have a good post about my co-workers' reactions- and their asinine remarks. Now if I'm just going to have enough energy to type anything...