Memorial Weekend Pictures

I love their expressions on this one. Anna's thinking: You're squishing me! While Sam's thinking: Hey- quit elbowing me!

Anna's laughing in this picture.

It's so hard to catch Sam's full on smile because he doesn't do several in a row like Anna.

Anna's cheesy grin.

Mother-In-Law Visit

Shopping.

A massage.

Dinner out with a friend.

Garage-saling.

Above is a sampling of some of the things I got to do this week while my mother-in-law visited. It was great to be able to get out of the house and do some fun things by myself this week. I did hope that while I was home she would take care of the babies more so I could get stuff done around the house too- like cleaning, organizing, filling out the damn baby books, etc. But I still ended up being the primary baby caretaker the entire time she was here and so nothing extra got done at home this week. Hey- I'll take what I can get though.

Sam and Anna are eating better, but still napping like crap. It's awfully hard to get anything done when one baby is always awake and more often than not, the second one wakes up just when the first finally falls asleep. I would be fine with the short naps if it didn't create overtired babies, but it's very evident that they need more during a napping period than they are getting.

Tomorrow we have our first professional pictures! I had wanted to get newborn shots, but it was just too crazy to accomplish that. So instead we are doing three month photos. I hope it all goes well and we get some good ones! I can't wait to share them!

Now Returning...

...to Reflux Hell. *sigh*

We ended up making a visit to the pedi office yesterday, after discussing our eating/sleeping concerns with the nurse. (We weren't as concerned with the crappy napping, but just mentioned it as long as we were discussing the other stuff.) The pediatrician mentioned something we hadn't heard before- that reflux typically get worse as they get older, before it gets better around (hopefully) 4 months. He thought that the problems we've had lately with eating are probably due to Sam and Anna's reflux and wants them to get at least 23-24 oz in a day. Monday and Tuesday, Sam was around 22 oz, when he used to get in close to 30 oz a day. Soooo- we are to switch formula back to the one we were using up until 2 weeks ago and see if that helps. If it doesn't, we are on our way to using Enfamil's Nutramigen- one of the most expensive formulas out there. Nutramigen is a hypoallergenic formula. Too bad we just got 4 cases of free Gentlease formula, huh?

Napping Woes + Some

This may have been one of the longest lapses from creating a post I've had in a long time. Twins, understandably, keep us on our toes. It seems like just when we get something figured out- something new comes along that leaves us scratching our heads, wondering what we should do. (I know, I know- parenting will always be like this.)

Sam and Anna have been having some napping issues lately. They still sleep fantastically at night- STTN up t0 9-9 1/2 hours at a time- so that's a relief. I've figured out that they have a waketime window of 45 minutes to an hour most of the time during the day. We can usually put them down drowsy but awake, and both babies can put themselves to sleep from that state at the start of a nap.

Within the last week or so, both babies are only staying asleep in 30-45 minutes stints. I think they are having trouble transitioning between sleep stages, because it is very evident that they still need more sleep at that time and are not waking out of hunger. They cannot return to sleep on their own when they wake mid-nap. So we end up spending the next hour to two hours going back and forth trying to get babies to fall back asleep. Or rather I do during the days when I'm alone. Meanwhile, I am getting frustrated because our efforts are not helping the problem at hand- babies that are having trouble putting themselves back to sleep on their own- because we are helping them get there most often by picking them up. I can not and will not CIO at this point because I think they are too young. The white noise and shhhs just aren't cutting it anymore either.

Now if I really got 30-45 minutes in a chunk to get things done from the beginning of the nap, I'd be happy. Reality is that this is the typical scenario: one baby goes down fast. The other one takes 20 minutes give or take. In the end that leaves me only approximately 10 minutes of "me time" at the start of a nap in which I race around like a mad woman- going to the bathroom, eating breakfast or lunch, brushing my teeth or hair, etc. Then throughout the middle to end of a nap I get a minute here and there as the babies tag-team me with waking up. So because I barely have time to do the basics- eat, personal hygiene, laundry, etc.- blogging fell on the back burner for a few days.

Both Sam and Anna have broken an arm or two free of the Miracle Blanket in the last week (which is something they had never done before this point), so I'm starting to wonder if their poor napping is because they are ready to be done with the swaddle, and this is their way of telling us so. Are they fighting the restraint when they stir during a nap which fully wakes them up?

We are also having some struggles with eating lately, as well. Sam and Anna have always been slower drinkers, sometimes taking up to 40 minutes to drink a full feeding. We tried moving up to the next size nipples last week and that helped. But along with taking a really long time, both babies have recently been having a few bottles during the day that are less than the 4-5 oz they normally drink. Sometimes it has been a struggle to get 2 1/2 to 3 oz in.

My head's swimming with:

• Is it the nipple size (but we tried switching back and the problem didn't go away)?
• Temperature of the formula?
• Recent switch in formula that we did 2 weeks ago just catching up to them now?
• The hot weather outside that makes them want to drink less?
• Related to their crappy naps?
• Related to growth spurts (but them wouldn't they drink more then, not less???)
• Or something else???

Sam only gained 1 oz in the last week when weighed at the mom group I attend. I know weight gain in infants isn't a steady increase and I know it slows down about this age. But I also know when he used to drink 27-32 oz daily, yesterday he only drank 23. I'm not super concerned... but will make sure to go to weigh him next week to make sure he's still increasing. (side note: While Sam weighed 10 lbs 12 oz at 11 weeks today, Anna weighed 10 lbs 1.6 oz... more than double her birth weight!)

Amazing Changes

Within the last few days, both babies have really started interacting with us. Anna has especially been talking with us and imitating us. Both babies have been smiling at us for a while, but it was a little hit or miss to get them to smile back when we smiled.

Yesterday, Anna and I had a conversation back and forth that included a lot of "ahs" and "gaas." You could tell she was trying hard to make the same sounds I was. Then I stuck my tongue out at her and she very deliberately copied me (she has been sticking her tongue out on her own for weeks, but this was very obviously an effort to do what I was doing). We did that a few times, and it was great!

I think we're entering a very fun phase right now! :)

(10 weeks old)

Wordless Wednesday

These are from a few weeks ago, but I didn't get a chance to share them yet.

(Sweet Pea and Little Bean were their nicknames before we knew their genders and before they had names)

A Tale of Two Tummy Times

Can you tell who likes tummy time more?

They're Getting Bigger...

The 0-3 month onesies started getting a little snug and the 3 month clothing is fitting very well right now. It seems like just a few days ago both Sam and Anna were transitioning from newborn sized clothing into the 0-3 month stuff, which still dwarfed them at the time. They were in newborn sized stuff for over a month. Today I washed all of our 3-6 month clothing and made room for them in the dresser and closet. Sam even wore his first 3-6 month onesie today. It's so hard to believe that only a little over 2 months ago my two little ones were in preemie sized clothing!

Both babies are very close to double their birth weight by now too...

(A little late, but here's a picture from our first mother's day)

Change in Plans...

We made a major decision this past weekend. I am not going back to school next week for the rest of the school year (14 days) like we planned. I couldn't fathom leaving my babies yet (how do people go back to work after 6 weeks???) I can't imagine making the transition from taking care of my babies all day long to getting ready for work in the morning and leaving them for hours to go take care of other people's children. I don't know how I would balance end-of-the-school-year demands with the demands of my children every second I'm at home. Ultimately, there will be lots of end-of-the-school-years to come, but Sam and Anna will only be 10-13 weeks old once. I do feel extremely lucky to be able to be home with them for 13 weeks, and off of work for 15 total weeks. This also means I get to be a stay-at-home mom until they are almost 6 months old!!!

My substitute had mentioned a few times that if I changed my mind she would be able to stay longer, so I just send an email to our district office asking if it was okay. They sent an email back saying my extended leave was approved, and that was that- piece of cake on that end.

Money wise, I'm not going to brush over it: it's going to be HARD. This means I will have taken a total of 7 unpaid weeks. At first, the estimate from my district's HR person wasn't too bad. But they forgot to factor in the deduction I was already taking for the first 4 unpaid weeks. Because of insurance, union dues, and taxes, we'll be out more money than I would have even made by being at school those 14 days. When we were rethinking the plan, I tried to figure out how much money we'd save by me not going back those weeks- if I went back to work I would need 1.) a haircut and highlights ($100) but I can forgo this if I'm at home with my hair up anyway 2.) new clothes that would fit because I can't wear comfy pants and t-shirts to school ($200?) 3.) gas ($150 for 3 weeks) and since my husband would have used his leave to watch Sam and Anna, he can now use those days this fall so that will be hundreds of dollars of childcare we won't have to pay either. Regardless, our savings will take a major hit. At least my emotional well-being won't be taking a big hit by going back to work too.

A year from now, the money lost won't be a big deal, but the time spent with my children will be. We may just be eating Ramen and mac and cheese for a while, but it will be worth it, a million times over! I'll be reminded of that every time I see a smile or hear a coo during the hours I would have been gone.

Semi-Wordless Wednesday

Breakin' in the Bumbos

(I try to post even amounts of pics of Sam and Anna, but Sam doesn't like the Bumbo, he's more of a fan of arching his back, which doesn't work in there. So to even out the super cute picture of Anna, here's a picture of Sam- still sound asleep after being taken out of his swaddle, but his arms were apparently happy to be freed- they popped right up even though the rest of his body didn't stir.)

2 Months!

And I survived (er... I mean the babies survived) the shots yesterday! Sam wasn't thrilled but only cried for a second for the first one, and then promptly stopped crying after the other two when offered a bottle. Anna cried off and on all night long. Poor little thing. She still seems to be out of sorts today, while Sam is his usual self (his usual wiggly all over, impatient for a bottle, talkative self). I only ended up with tears in my eyes, mostly because it was tough to see both babies get the shots at the same time.


Sam:
has a head circumference of 39 cm, putting him at the 25%ile
is 21 inches long (5%ile) (he's destined to be short anyway)
weighs 10 lbs 4oz (25%ile) so he's gaining weight faster than average and moving up the %ile curves
fits into 0-3 month and 3 month clothing very well but Gerber 0-3 month onesies are getting too small
wears Huggies Little Snuggler size 1 diapers
rolls over the second you place him on his tummy
almost rolled from his back to his tummy
has developed a flat spot on the back of his head :(
tilts his head and body towards the left (we are working on this and the flat spot)
still has the bluest of blue eyes
can go to sleep on his own if placed in his crib drowsy but awake
is sleeping with the crib mattress at an incline to help with his reflux
takes 7.5 mg of prevacid by syringe every evening to help with reflux
drinks about 5 oz every 3 hours during the day
uses a size 2 Avent nipple
is a gung-ho drinker at first, but quickly peeters out and is usually trying to sleep at the end of a bottle.
has a record of longest sleep at night from 9 pm until 5 am
is a talker- coos and babbles constantly whenever he's awake
has the cutest dimple when he smiles at you
is a big flirt and loves to smile at new women
dislikes sitting in his Bumbo chair
is grasping toys when placed in his hand
but loves to grab mom's shirt collar, sweatshirt strings or necklaces
is more patient when Anna is getting attention, but is impatient when waiting for a bottle
loves to hear mom sing Old MacDonald
likes to lay on his back on the play mat



Anna:
has a head circumference of 38 cm putting her at the 50%ile (big, smart brains in that head!) is 20 1/2 inches long (5%ile- again, destined to be short like the rest of her family)
weighs 9 lbs 3 oz (10%ile- also gaining faster than average and moving up the %ile curves)
fits into 0-3 month and some 3 month clothing very well
wears Pampers Swaddler size 1 diapers (but we have to fold over the top because they are still a little big)
HATES tummy time with a passion, even on a boppy
has only rolled over 3 times (she forgot how!)
has eyes that are gradually getting darker every day
is a sound sleeper
can go to sleep on her own if placed in her crib drowsy but awake
is sleeping in a bouncer placed in her crib to help with her reflux
usually sleeps at night from 9 pm until 6:30 am
takes 7.5 mg of prevacid by syringe every evening to help with reflux
drinks about 5 oz every 3 hours during the day
uses a size 1 Avent nipple
is a slow but steady drinker
still likes to stare at people and things, but has more focused stares
has a smile that lights up her whole face
enjoys putting her hands in her mouth
loves her Bumbo chair
is grasping things like mom's shirt collar or sweatshirt strings
loves to be the sole source of your attention- she can tell when your attention is divided!
has already perfected mom's pouty lip
likes raspberries blown on her tummy
likes sitting on your bent legs and playing patty cake
loves when mom sings Old MacDonald
likes watching the bird, butterfly and dragonfly spin on the swing
likes her Elmer the Elephant rattle

No Card...

Instead I got this letter, along with a necklace with two aquamarine stones (the babies' birthstone) inside a heart:

Katie,

There isn't a card that even comes close to telling you how amazing you are... for what you have gone through to become a mom, to what you are now accomplishing as one.

This journey has and will be the hardest thing you (and we) will ever do. It has already been and will even more be the most rewarding. Know this: You are an amazing woman and you are capable of so much more than I ever realized when I asked you to marry me. Sure the tough times of this short first step into parenthood have been exceedingly difficult, but they (along with the not-so-tough times) only show me more every day of what an amazing woman, wife and mom you are. Keep it up. You're doing great! Sam and Anna are so lucky to have you in their world- and so am I. We love you.

Enjoy Mother's Day- not so much for what it is today, but for what it means for our future.

I love you,
Jake

For Everyone

With Mother’s Day here, I thought I should just remind you how special you are.

You might not be a mother yet, but you may be a girlfriend, a wife, a sister, an aunt, etc.

To those who have recently given birth… congratulations.

Those who are pregnant… you are carrying the most precious cargo; stay healthy and enjoy the 9 months.

Those who have miscarried… stay strong, and find comfort that your angel babies are in heaven.

Those who have conceived and don’t know it yet… prepare yourself for the best experience of your life.

Those who are looking after their siblings, nieces and nephews… you are doing a great job.

Those who have adopted or are planning to adopt… we need more angels like you.

Those who are single moms… you are my hero- stay strong.

Those who have recently lost their mothers, aunts, sisters, wives and girlfriends… I sympathize; they are in a better place but their spirit lives on.

Those who are waiting to be mothers… your some day, some way will come.

Always know that you are special and never settle for less.

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers, mothers-to-be, and those waiting to be mothers.

First Snow

It snowed last night- about an inch of white fluff covering everything.

My babies were born March 9th. We had an unusual March with no snow, and April's weather was very mild- with even an 80 degree day and a record high. Go figure that their first snowfall would be in May.

I'm sad to say that it all melted this morning before I could rush outside with them for a photo-op, though.

Figuring Things Out

It feels like we're starting to finally get into a consistent pattern and it feels like I'm finally starting to figure things out. I think reflux really threw us for a loop and derailed any attempts we had made before that point. I feel like I am beginning (finally!) to discover what each of my babies' cries mean, as well as learn what they need right away, not after running through the long list of: hungry? overtired? bored? in pain? hot? cold? dirty diaper? gas? ...and so on.

I've figured out what each baby needs to go to sleep when they are fussy from being overtired. That Anna like fabric touching her face and being held sideways close to your chest. That Sam likes being vertical on your chest and when his butt is sticking out, he's sleepy enough that you can probably try to set him down. That if all else fails, our blow dryer is a fail-safe option, but if you get to that point, you might be listening to the blow dryer for a few hours. (Although I recently discovered that the Happiest Baby on the Block CD has a blowdryer track on it! I ordered it right away- hopefully it will be here asap!) We're working on avoiding needing overtired soothing techniques by teaching them to fall asleep on their own without soothing. We've been doing well at night, now it's time to work on that during the daytime.

We're working on a consistent time schedule right now during the day, now that we've got bedtime going pretty well. We used to let the babies dictate when they started the day, and dictate every single nap- which had a tendency to get nuts with two babies that have very different napping and eating styles. We're working on getting a good compromise between the two, starting with a wake-up time of 7:00 am right now. Hopefully that will start our day out on the right foot and will help us stay on on consistent time schedule throughout the day.

Now I'd like to move on to figuring out how to get my babies to tolerate car rides and stroller rides. I'd really like to take them for walks during the day by myself to break up the day, get some fresh air and exercise, and get out of the house. I'd really like to be more able to take them on errands during the day. Right now they can't stand either. Apart from keep plugging along with it to get Sam and Anna used to car and stroller rides, I have no idea how to make it more enjoyable for them (and me, ha!) I'm welcoming any tips...

Back To Our Regular Scheduled Programing...

Wordless Wednesday!

Anna

Sam

(I was not brave enough to take these sans diapers. Not on my carpet.)

Words Can Be Misleading

This twin thing has been hard. You can't fathom how difficult it is until you've lived it. My husband and I have really struggled in our attempts to parent our babies during the first two months of their life. I know every family goes through "survival mode," but sometimes I think we're so beyond survival mode that we're in the trenches, fighting to keep our sanity and to keep going.

Any new parent at least sometimes doubts that they are doing a good job or that they can do this (right?)... we doubt it daily (sometimes hourly on a bad day). I've shed a lot of tears, my husband has shed a lot of tears. I will even admit there have been two days where I called my husband at work in tears and asked him to come home early.

We considered hiring a part-time nanny to help me during the day when I'm home alone, because the two babies were/are often too much for one person to handle. I love my babies. This should go without saying. But they are colicky. They have reflux. They are not "easy" babies. My self-esteem took a hit when we thought about getting a nanny to help me out. I thought, "why does it seem like other moms to twins (of the blogs I read) can do it, when I can't?" When I shared this thought with my husband, he explained that my posts on here don't really let on how hard it is(except for the reflux), and that maybe other twin-momma bloggers feel the same way, but just don't share it , like I hadn't.

So I thought about why I hadn't really shared these thoughts on here, and I realized something. Because of the process that we took to get our babies, and because of the population most of the readers of this blog belong to (the IF community), it just doesn't feel right to "complain" about how hard it is. It doesn't feel like I should be anything less than blissful that we got our two miracles via IVF. Because we weren't supposed to be able to have children, and then we were blessed with two (!). Maybe other twin-momma bloggers feel a similar way? I never wanted this blog to turn into a "infertility-was-ridiculously-hard-now-twins-is-ridiculously-hard-too kind of blog. But I do want this to be a honest blog. I don't want to paint a picture of anything that is different than reality.

So yes, infertility was the hardest thing I've ever gone through in my life. Being a first-time parent to twin newborns is also one of the hardest things I've ever gone through too. Completely and utterly worth it, but hard all the same.

More Firsts

Yesterday was the first time we left Sam and Anna with non-relative babysitters. Before this, my parents watched them at our house while they were visiting so my husband and I could go out to eat for his birthday (they were just under a month old at the time). It has been a month since we've been able to go out to eat just the two of us. I couldn't have asked for better babysitters: my co-teacher and her daughter both are licensed birth-3rd grade teachers, currently teaching kindergarten. My co-teacher's daughter worked at a childcare while she was in college. I was very confident that things would go well, and didn't even call to check on them once. :)

Last Thursday I took the babies to visit my students at school for the first time. It is an understatement to say that it wasn't easy to haul them there on the 30 minute drive by myself, especially since neither one likes car rides. Sam cried the entire drive there. It definitely felt weird to walk those halls and see my class, since I hadn't been there for 9 weeks. I realized that I am really out of teacher-mode! I have only a few weeks until I go back on May 20th to finish out the school year and needless to say, I'm dreading that immensely. Yesterday my husband and I talked seriously again about letting our savings take a big hit so I don't have to go back for those 3 weeks. My class just doesn't really feel like "my" class anymore on top of how horrible I know I'll feel to leave my babies for so many hours a day.

I plan on bring the babies to visit my old school (where I taught 4 years ago) this week. I still keep in touch with several of the teachers I used to work with there. It is an hour drive one way, so wish me luck! I hope we can time it so that they end up sleeping on the way there and back.

Sleep at night has continued to get better around here- Sam had his first STTN experience last week- he went from 9 pm until 4 am. Anna's consistently sleeping from about 9:00 pm until 6:30 am. So they both STTN that night! Awesome! I can't wait until they both go 9:00 pm to 6:30 am. We've gotten better at a regular bedtime and nighttime routine lately. We typically start at around 8 pm. Last night was the smoothest transition to sleep yet: both babies got put in their cribs drowsy but not yet asleep and both fell asleep on their own with minimal fussing. This was great considering we had been using a blow dryer running in their room at night for the last week or so to prevent struggling to get them to sleep for over an hour after we started to put them down. They have gotten so much better at self-soothing, which is encouraging. I am looking forward to the days when daytime naps go that well too.

Firsts for me: I am back in my pre-PG underwear, and several of my looser pre-PG tops. I tried on jeans yesterday and although I'm no where near my pre-PG size (which was the smallest size I've ever been), I'm no longer in the biggest size I've ever been. I'm trying to remind myself when I get discouraged about the flub around my middle that in high school my jeans were a size bigger than what I can wear now. So hey, progress is being made. Now if I can only find time to actually do the 30 Day Shred...