We started introducing whole milk a week after Sam and Anna's birthday. Truth be told, I was a little nervous to take this step because in Sam and Anna's short history, we've had too much trouble with what they drink and I didn't want history to repeat itself. We had also just weaned Sam and Anna's last reflux med dose the week before successfully and so I was worried that the whole milk would cause a big time reflux flare. I also wanted to talk to our pedi to see if she had any specific recommendations for approaching this because of the GERD background and Sam and Anna's past bottle refusal period. We gave Sam and Anna milk during their meals for three days, but held onto their morning and bedtime bottles of formula until our 1 year well child pedi appointment. Sam and Anna did great. No problems at all- they drank it like it was no big deal.
We didn't get any tips that I didn't already know from our pedi, so since the first few times of whole milk sippies went well, we went semi-cold turkey only 3 days after we first introduced it and dropped the last two bottles. We never mixed formula and whole milk as I know some people do... I was and am a little against offering whole milk in a bottle. (Not that I wouldn't try it if giving it straight at first wasn't working.) I think it is easier for a child to probably drop bottles/formula if the two are only associated together, and the option of whole milk in a bottle doesn't exist. I knew that Sam and Anna wouldn't have attachment issues from losing their bottles, and they seemed to like the milk enough to drink ounces of it at a time, so I thought we were good to go. Friday night we gave them a sippy of whole milk before bed as a "nightcap." I was so pleased that it seemed to be so easy to switch from formula to whole milk for them.
That night a few hours into bedtime, Sam vomited all over himself and his crib. The next day was a big change because he refused most of the whole milk we offered. We were pretty sure that the whole milk HAD triggered a reflux flare and laying down exasperated the problem. (He showed no other signs of possibly being sick.) He hardly drank anything that day and the next.
Two nights later (Sunday night), Anna vomited all over herself and her crib at about 2 am- so badly that she got a bath in the middle of the night, and this momma took a shower because of holding a vomited soaked baby before climbing back into bed (I got up 1 1/2 hours later at 5 am for work the next day). We were even more sure that whole milk was causing stomach issues for both babies, and decided that maybe holding onto a bedtime bottle of formula for a little bit might help their tummies adjust to whole milk.
But then I got sick in the middle of the night Monday night... and we realized that Sam and Anna probably had gotten the flu, not-so-conveniently timed to coicide with the transition to completely on whole milk. This was a good thing for the whole milk issue we thought we had, because it should have been only a temporary problem, but there have still been lingering effects.
Although there has been no more vomit soaked babies or cribs since last weekend, Sam no longer likes to drink whole milk at home. He will drink it at daycare, but not at home. We think he has an association with drinking it here and throwing up that is making him resistant to it now. We have tested several factors (cups, locations in our home, etc.) with the same result. When we went out to eat for dinner the other night, he happily drank it for us at the restaurant- milk from the same carton; same sippy cup. So the only constant is that he will not drink much at home. (We're talking like maybe 1-2 oz total in a day at home, even if he's home all day.)
We've upped his intake of other dairy foods like cheese and yogurt and are banking on the idea that over time as the flu incident is farther from his memory, he'll gradually forget about it and happily drink whole milk again at home. I'm also trying to remember that at this point, milk is not as important as it was, and is now only a complement to a meal rather than a meal itself. He will be fine if he only drinks a little, as long as he gets a lot of other dairy and calcium rich foods. He is a pretty good eater besides this.
Thankfully, so is Anna. And Anna seems to have no association with throwing up and drinking milk as she's been drinking whole milk great for us at home or at daycare. I'm so glad that for her at least, this truly has been an easy change.
Showing posts with label formula. Show all posts
Showing posts with label formula. Show all posts
Monday, March 28, 2011
Sunday, October 24, 2010
I'm Here! and Latest Happenings
I'm sure my absence in the last week after my last post was misleading- but unintentional! Our router died, and so my internet usage has been minimal for a few days. I am hoping to get back in the saddle and get back to posting and commenting asap!
Latest news:
After my MIL stayed for a week while my husband was gone, my mother came to visit for a few days this week. I am glad that our visitors are over for a while now. My husband's next work trip is in 3 weeks, and I plan on doing it completely solo. I may just take a few days off of work during the week, but I think I can come out on the other side without having a mental breakdown (all bets are off if Sam and Anna are in the thick of teething, which is highly likely).
I signed our babies up for swimming lessons which start in a week, so I've gotten really excited for that! I have a friend enlisted for help during the week my husband is gone, since there needs to be an adult per baby at all times. Just yet another way life with twins is a little more involved than with a single baby- all four of us will be making swimming lessons a family event!
This probably belongs on my still-missing 7 month post, but in the last month we dropped a nap and went down to 2 naps a day, which magically improved the quality of their naps. We had been doing well on 3 naps a day and then they started to turn into short crapnaps again. I took that as a sign that they were ready to transition to 2 naps, and lo and behold- on two naps a day, the actual time asleep during naps ended up longer than they 3 crapnaps they had been having. Right now, Sam and Anna seem to have fallen into a nap around 9 am (usually 1 1/2 hours-2 hours) and a nap around 1 pm (usually 2 hours long, sometimes 2 1/2 hours). When switching to 2 naps, we lengthened our feeding schedule to 4ish hours between bottles, which has also helped them drink better each time.
In the last week, we also added in a third meal. With two meals, Sam had started drinking in the high 30's for ounces on top of the 2 solid meals, and one day even drank 41 oz (which puts too much strain on his little kidneys to process), so we added a meal in the hopes it would drop his formula consumption. I find it incredibly ironic that after our long issues of drinking too little and working so hard to get every little ounce in our babies, that our current problem was that they were drinking too much. Go figure. So Sam and Anna now get a breakfast, lunch, and dinner in between their bottles. They still drink around 6-9 ounces each bottle though. They aren't huge solid meal eaters- usually a little more than 2 oz before they get full/bored. (hard to tell, since we have homemade food and I split the food between the babies. It also depends on if the food is a fav or not.)
This is what our schedule looks like right now:
Latest news:
After my MIL stayed for a week while my husband was gone, my mother came to visit for a few days this week. I am glad that our visitors are over for a while now. My husband's next work trip is in 3 weeks, and I plan on doing it completely solo. I may just take a few days off of work during the week, but I think I can come out on the other side without having a mental breakdown (all bets are off if Sam and Anna are in the thick of teething, which is highly likely).
I signed our babies up for swimming lessons which start in a week, so I've gotten really excited for that! I have a friend enlisted for help during the week my husband is gone, since there needs to be an adult per baby at all times. Just yet another way life with twins is a little more involved than with a single baby- all four of us will be making swimming lessons a family event!
This probably belongs on my still-missing 7 month post, but in the last month we dropped a nap and went down to 2 naps a day, which magically improved the quality of their naps. We had been doing well on 3 naps a day and then they started to turn into short crapnaps again. I took that as a sign that they were ready to transition to 2 naps, and lo and behold- on two naps a day, the actual time asleep during naps ended up longer than they 3 crapnaps they had been having. Right now, Sam and Anna seem to have fallen into a nap around 9 am (usually 1 1/2 hours-2 hours) and a nap around 1 pm (usually 2 hours long, sometimes 2 1/2 hours). When switching to 2 naps, we lengthened our feeding schedule to 4ish hours between bottles, which has also helped them drink better each time.
In the last week, we also added in a third meal. With two meals, Sam had started drinking in the high 30's for ounces on top of the 2 solid meals, and one day even drank 41 oz (which puts too much strain on his little kidneys to process), so we added a meal in the hopes it would drop his formula consumption. I find it incredibly ironic that after our long issues of drinking too little and working so hard to get every little ounce in our babies, that our current problem was that they were drinking too much. Go figure. So Sam and Anna now get a breakfast, lunch, and dinner in between their bottles. They still drink around 6-9 ounces each bottle though. They aren't huge solid meal eaters- usually a little more than 2 oz before they get full/bored. (hard to tell, since we have homemade food and I split the food between the babies. It also depends on if the food is a fav or not.)
This is what our schedule looks like right now:
- 6:30 am wake and bottle (about 6 oz)
- 8:30 am ish breakfast meal: fruit+ cereal
- 9:00 am ish down for nap
- 10:30/11:00 am ish 2nd bottle (7-8 oz usually)
- 12:30 pm ish lunch meal: fruit and veggie (or 2 veggies if dinner is just a fruit)
- 1:00 pm ish 2nd nap
- 3:00/3:30 pm ish 3rd bottle (7-8 oz usually)
- 5:00 pm dinner meal: new food + sometimes something that goes well with it
- 6:30 pm bedtime bottle (9 oz)
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Now Returning...
...to Reflux Hell. *sigh*
We ended up making a visit to the pedi office yesterday, after discussing our eating/sleeping concerns with the nurse. (We weren't as concerned with the crappy napping, but just mentioned it as long as we were discussing the other stuff.) The pediatrician mentioned something we hadn't heard before- that reflux typically get worse as they get older, before it gets better around (hopefully) 4 months. He thought that the problems we've had lately with eating are probably due to Sam and Anna's reflux and wants them to get at least 23-24 oz in a day. Monday and Tuesday, Sam was around 22 oz, when he used to get in close to 30 oz a day. Soooo- we are to switch formula back to the one we were using up until 2 weeks ago and see if that helps. If it doesn't, we are on our way to using Enfamil's Nutramigen- one of the most expensive formulas out there. Nutramigen is a hypoallergenic formula. Too bad we just got 4 cases of free Gentlease formula, huh?
We ended up making a visit to the pedi office yesterday, after discussing our eating/sleeping concerns with the nurse. (We weren't as concerned with the crappy napping, but just mentioned it as long as we were discussing the other stuff.) The pediatrician mentioned something we hadn't heard before- that reflux typically get worse as they get older, before it gets better around (hopefully) 4 months. He thought that the problems we've had lately with eating are probably due to Sam and Anna's reflux and wants them to get at least 23-24 oz in a day. Monday and Tuesday, Sam was around 22 oz, when he used to get in close to 30 oz a day. Soooo- we are to switch formula back to the one we were using up until 2 weeks ago and see if that helps. If it doesn't, we are on our way to using Enfamil's Nutramigen- one of the most expensive formulas out there. Nutramigen is a hypoallergenic formula. Too bad we just got 4 cases of free Gentlease formula, huh?
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Napping Woes + Some
This may have been one of the longest lapses from creating a post I've had in a long time. Twins, understandably, keep us on our toes. It seems like just when we get something figured out- something new comes along that leaves us scratching our heads, wondering what we should do. (I know, I know- parenting will always be like this.)
Sam and Anna have been having some napping issues lately. They still sleep fantastically at night- STTN up t0 9-9 1/2 hours at a time- so that's a relief. I've figured out that they have a waketime window of 45 minutes to an hour most of the time during the day. We can usually put them down drowsy but awake, and both babies can put themselves to sleep from that state at the start of a nap.
Within the last week or so, both babies are only staying asleep in 30-45 minutes stints. I think they are having trouble transitioning between sleep stages, because it is very evident that they still need more sleep at that time and are not waking out of hunger. They cannot return to sleep on their own when they wake mid-nap. So we end up spending the next hour to two hours going back and forth trying to get babies to fall back asleep. Or rather I do during the days when I'm alone. Meanwhile, I am getting frustrated because our efforts are not helping the problem at hand- babies that are having trouble putting themselves back to sleep on their own- because we are helping them get there most often by picking them up. I can not and will not CIO at this point because I think they are too young. The white noise and shhhs just aren't cutting it anymore either.
Now if I really got 30-45 minutes in a chunk to get things done from the beginning of the nap, I'd be happy. Reality is that this is the typical scenario: one baby goes down fast. The other one takes 20 minutes give or take. In the end that leaves me only approximately 10 minutes of "me time" at the start of a nap in which I race around like a mad woman- going to the bathroom, eating breakfast or lunch, brushing my teeth or hair, etc. Then throughout the middle to end of a nap I get a minute here and there as the babies tag-team me with waking up. So because I barely have time to do the basics- eat, personal hygiene, laundry, etc.- blogging fell on the back burner for a few days.
Both Sam and Anna have broken an arm or two free of the Miracle Blanket in the last week (which is something they had never done before this point), so I'm starting to wonder if their poor napping is because they are ready to be done with the swaddle, and this is their way of telling us so. Are they fighting the restraint when they stir during a nap which fully wakes them up?
We are also having some struggles with eating lately, as well. Sam and Anna have always been slower drinkers, sometimes taking up to 40 minutes to drink a full feeding. We tried moving up to the next size nipples last week and that helped. But along with taking a really long time, both babies have recently been having a few bottles during the day that are less than the 4-5 oz they normally drink. Sometimes it has been a struggle to get 2 1/2 to 3 oz in.
My head's swimming with:
Sam and Anna have been having some napping issues lately. They still sleep fantastically at night- STTN up t0 9-9 1/2 hours at a time- so that's a relief. I've figured out that they have a waketime window of 45 minutes to an hour most of the time during the day. We can usually put them down drowsy but awake, and both babies can put themselves to sleep from that state at the start of a nap.
Within the last week or so, both babies are only staying asleep in 30-45 minutes stints. I think they are having trouble transitioning between sleep stages, because it is very evident that they still need more sleep at that time and are not waking out of hunger. They cannot return to sleep on their own when they wake mid-nap. So we end up spending the next hour to two hours going back and forth trying to get babies to fall back asleep. Or rather I do during the days when I'm alone. Meanwhile, I am getting frustrated because our efforts are not helping the problem at hand- babies that are having trouble putting themselves back to sleep on their own- because we are helping them get there most often by picking them up. I can not and will not CIO at this point because I think they are too young. The white noise and shhhs just aren't cutting it anymore either.
Now if I really got 30-45 minutes in a chunk to get things done from the beginning of the nap, I'd be happy. Reality is that this is the typical scenario: one baby goes down fast. The other one takes 20 minutes give or take. In the end that leaves me only approximately 10 minutes of "me time" at the start of a nap in which I race around like a mad woman- going to the bathroom, eating breakfast or lunch, brushing my teeth or hair, etc. Then throughout the middle to end of a nap I get a minute here and there as the babies tag-team me with waking up. So because I barely have time to do the basics- eat, personal hygiene, laundry, etc.- blogging fell on the back burner for a few days.
Both Sam and Anna have broken an arm or two free of the Miracle Blanket in the last week (which is something they had never done before this point), so I'm starting to wonder if their poor napping is because they are ready to be done with the swaddle, and this is their way of telling us so. Are they fighting the restraint when they stir during a nap which fully wakes them up?
We are also having some struggles with eating lately, as well. Sam and Anna have always been slower drinkers, sometimes taking up to 40 minutes to drink a full feeding. We tried moving up to the next size nipples last week and that helped. But along with taking a really long time, both babies have recently been having a few bottles during the day that are less than the 4-5 oz they normally drink. Sometimes it has been a struggle to get 2 1/2 to 3 oz in.
My head's swimming with:
- Is it the nipple size (but we tried switching back and the problem didn't go away)?
- Temperature of the formula?
- Recent switch in formula that we did 2 weeks ago just catching up to them now?
- The hot weather outside that makes them want to drink less?
- Related to their crappy naps?
- Related to growth spurts (but them wouldn't they drink more then, not less???)
- Or something else???
Monday, April 12, 2010
Prayers Please
Holy Sh*t- twins are difficult. We've hit colic big time around here, and although I'm beginning to sound like a broken record, I'm going to say it again, anyway: if you think something is hard with one baby, you can't imagine how hard it is with two at the same time. Both my husband and I have cried every day in the past three days. With one baby, they have to sleep eventually, even with colic, and give you a break. With two babies- there can always be a baby awake and crying. And it pretty much seems like they are. I was awake from 2:30-6:00 am last night with crying babies- and the only reason I started and stopped at those times was because my husband had baby duty before and after that time. Double the intense crying 24/7 is enough to drive you mad.
I'd appreciate prayers that we have better nights and figure out the magical cure to end crying for both Sam and Anna if you have prayers to spare. And, if you have any advice to offer, please do. (We do follow the 5 S's for Happiest Baby on the Block, use Mylicon and Gripe Water, switched to a gentle formula per pediatrician's okay, etc. already)
Here's a rare "content babies" photo that I have taken to looking at frequently, just to remind me that they can be content:
I'd appreciate prayers that we have better nights and figure out the magical cure to end crying for both Sam and Anna if you have prayers to spare. And, if you have any advice to offer, please do. (We do follow the 5 S's for Happiest Baby on the Block, use Mylicon and Gripe Water, switched to a gentle formula per pediatrician's okay, etc. already)
Here's a rare "content babies" photo that I have taken to looking at frequently, just to remind me that they can be content:
Monday, April 5, 2010
If I Can Do This, I Can Do Anything
Today marked the beginning of my first week alone with Sam and Anna while my husband is at work. My parents were visiting last week and helped me get through his first full week of being gone during the day. We really started out the week with a bang... and proved that when everything falls apart- all you can do is laugh, do what you can, and clean up later when you get a chance. And laugh, I did.
Sam and Anna both woke up from their first morning nap at exactly the same time, crying. This instantly creates a dilemma because it is impossible to change, get two bottles ready and feed two babies all at the same time. I started with Anna, since Sam had been sleeping lightly for a while and I was hopeful he could fall back asleep. Anna also drinks faster, so worst case scenario, I would be done with the first feeding more quickly. I changed her out of her pjs and got a bottle ready. Meanwhile Sam was getting hysterical, so I opted to warm up a second bottle, prop him up on a boppy in his crib and attempt feeding both at the same time. Unfortunately for me- it ended up that both Avent bottles I chose were leakers (Anyone else have problems with this? It happens very randomly to us but it is super annoying) and leaked all over me, the floor, the crib, etc. Anna then picked that moment to have a poop blowout in the clothes she had been wearing for, oh, about 30 seconds. So I changed Anna to the wonderful sound of Sam's frantic cries, during which she decided to pee mid-diaper change and go through yet another diaper.
When all was said and done, both children got fed in formula soaked clothes because I didn't have a spare arm to get different bottles. I don't know how much formula they each got and neither one was very sleepy afterwards because of how worked up they got during the process.
And Anna? she decided she wasn't done and had another poop blowout at the end of the bottle. Three outfits and 4 diapers in 20 minutes for one baby is my new record.
I'm beginning to think that Anna needs Pampers Swaddlers to avoid poop problems and Sam needs Huggies Snugglers to avoid soaking through. Seriously? I need to have an ample stock of two brands of diapers???
My lovely day continued and my children only slept at the same time for about 30 minutes total. Interestingly enough- they managed to want to be fed at exactly the same time, all day long. I'm thinking today might be the day I plop the babies in my dear husband's arms when he walks in the door and escape to Target before the door even closes. After all, we need more diapers, don't we?
Sam and Anna both woke up from their first morning nap at exactly the same time, crying. This instantly creates a dilemma because it is impossible to change, get two bottles ready and feed two babies all at the same time. I started with Anna, since Sam had been sleeping lightly for a while and I was hopeful he could fall back asleep. Anna also drinks faster, so worst case scenario, I would be done with the first feeding more quickly. I changed her out of her pjs and got a bottle ready. Meanwhile Sam was getting hysterical, so I opted to warm up a second bottle, prop him up on a boppy in his crib and attempt feeding both at the same time. Unfortunately for me- it ended up that both Avent bottles I chose were leakers (Anyone else have problems with this? It happens very randomly to us but it is super annoying) and leaked all over me, the floor, the crib, etc. Anna then picked that moment to have a poop blowout in the clothes she had been wearing for, oh, about 30 seconds. So I changed Anna to the wonderful sound of Sam's frantic cries, during which she decided to pee mid-diaper change and go through yet another diaper.
When all was said and done, both children got fed in formula soaked clothes because I didn't have a spare arm to get different bottles. I don't know how much formula they each got and neither one was very sleepy afterwards because of how worked up they got during the process.
And Anna? she decided she wasn't done and had another poop blowout at the end of the bottle. Three outfits and 4 diapers in 20 minutes for one baby is my new record.
I'm beginning to think that Anna needs Pampers Swaddlers to avoid poop problems and Sam needs Huggies Snugglers to avoid soaking through. Seriously? I need to have an ample stock of two brands of diapers???
My lovely day continued and my children only slept at the same time for about 30 minutes total. Interestingly enough- they managed to want to be fed at exactly the same time, all day long. I'm thinking today might be the day I plop the babies in my dear husband's arms when he walks in the door and escape to Target before the door even closes. After all, we need more diapers, don't we?
Saturday, March 20, 2010
The Breastfeeding Saga
Ahh, breastfeeding. What an adventure. How my children were being fed was the center of my thinking for the first week of their life. Now that that has changed, I feel fully able to take a step back and reflect on my experiences.
I started breastfeeding within an hour of their birth. It took a while after the c-section to fix and clean me up, and get the babies weighed/cleaned up and get their HepB shots taken care of, among other things. I was so anxious to start, because I knew that the sooner the better was important for success.
We tried (oh we tried) for their first 48 hours. We had several factors working against us. Anna's small size and my large chest were one of the biggest challenges. She had a very difficult time getting her tiny mouth around more than just my nipple (read:ouch). Her small size also presented another challenge- any baby has to work hard at nursing, and she didn't have the stamina to keep at it for as long as she needed to (who knows if her heart murmur also made things more difficult for her?). There was also the added challenge of TWO babies that needed to figure things out. Just when one baby finally had success, there was no down time to bask in that success - I immediately had to switch to the other child and start the painful process of getting things going again. The babes needed to be fed at least every 2-3 hours. It took 45 minutes to almost an hour for each baby to successfully feed. That means I only had an hour or so of down time before needing to start all over again, if I was lucky- even throughout the night. Some times, I had a 15 minute break- enough time to go to the bathroom and drink some water before starting the process again.
After the second night, I was in rough shape from lack of sleep and my own recovery. I probably slept 4 hours of disjointed sleep total in those 2 days. I just wanted to hold my babies, damn it, and enjoy them- not struggle to do something that hurt and frustrated all of us 24/7. I was getting upset that my husband got to do all the cuddling, all the diaper changes and had time to do things like go to the bathroom and brush his teeth. Sam was finally starting to get the hang of things during the second night. That second night feeding Sam that one time was one of the only times when I felt happy to be breastfeeding. If Anna was as successful, I may have tried to continue longer.
On the second day, the babies vitals were taken, and it was determined that they had lost 8-9% of their birth weight. It is a concern when they get to 10% and we were dangerously close. Because they were so small, they had a much smaller amount of ounces that they could loose. A 9 or even 7 lb baby has a little more room to lose a few ounces. We had a discussion with the pediatrician about the need to supplement very soon. We discussed using a feeding tube and I hit rock bottom- it was just too much and I was falling apart. The struggles and lack of sleep had done me in and I wanted to be DONE.
We called in a nurse and told her the decision through tears. She called in the lactation consultant and we had a long chat. We decided to pump and then supplement with formula afterwards to make sure the babies were gaining enough weight. Sam could have continued breastfeeding because he was getting the hang of it and lost less weight, but we felt strongly that both children were going to be fed the same way. I felt like a huge weight lifted because I knew I wouldn't be trying so hard and still have babies that were too small. So on the second day, I threw in the towel on nursing and turned to pumping.
Pumping went relatively well at the hospital compared to breastfeeding. It didn't take nearly as long and we were able to start working on a feeding routine by feeding both at the same time instead of feeding around the clock. My poor nipples which had already started to bleed from two days of constantly nursing began to heal quickly. That third night in the hospital, I actually got 4 hours of continuous sleep, which felt glorious! I was able to hold my babies and just enjoy them. People were able to visit me because my boobs weren't hanging out literally all the time(although I did make my mother and MIL leave the room while I pumped). And most importantly, the babies' weight started to rebound.
Once we came home on Saturday, I continued pumping. As we started to regain our normal household activities- laundry, washing dishes, taking care of our dogs- as well as baby care, pumping started to be a huge time drain as well. If I pumped in the living room, we needed to shut the curtains. If I was pumping in another room like our bedroom, I felt isolated. When people were visiting, I was shut away in a room by myself pumping. We are still on a 2-3 hour schedule, with eating at least every three hours. A friend of mine said pumping for one baby is like feeding twins (because you do one and then the other) and pumping for twins is like having triplets. Granted, it took less time to pump and feed than exclusively breastfeeding (and then supplementing) but it still took a long time. I was feeling very drained and frustrated that although I was pumping, we still were giving half breast milk and half formula via bottle. I was tired. So one week after the babies were born, I stopped pumping and we switched to exclusively formula. I felt free. I felt like I had my energy back. I felt like I could actually enjoy my babies. I felt like my husband and I could finally each contribute 50% of the baby care.
I know that had breastfeeding been a success, in time I could tandem feed and it would have taken less time than solely formula feeding. But ultimately, breastfeeding was not for me.
I still have moments where I feel like I failed. Where I have enormous guilt for not providing what I should for my babies. The closeness of breastfeeding when it worked was awesome- and I felt those great hormones being released. But more often I felt frustrated, in pain, and unhappy. A happy mom = happy babies, so deep down I know I decided to do what was best for our children. I firmly believe that unless you have a very strong desire to breastfeed your twins(which I did not- if you remember I was on the fence while pregnant) and are willing to get past what seems like the impossible, exclusively breastfeeding twins will not work. I have often heard people say that breastfeeding their baby was the hardest thing they've ever done. Times that by two and I think it is easy to understand why my children are now formula-fed.
In the end, I am happy. And a happy mom = happy babies.
I started breastfeeding within an hour of their birth. It took a while after the c-section to fix and clean me up, and get the babies weighed/cleaned up and get their HepB shots taken care of, among other things. I was so anxious to start, because I knew that the sooner the better was important for success.
We tried (oh we tried) for their first 48 hours. We had several factors working against us. Anna's small size and my large chest were one of the biggest challenges. She had a very difficult time getting her tiny mouth around more than just my nipple (read:ouch). Her small size also presented another challenge- any baby has to work hard at nursing, and she didn't have the stamina to keep at it for as long as she needed to (who knows if her heart murmur also made things more difficult for her?). There was also the added challenge of TWO babies that needed to figure things out. Just when one baby finally had success, there was no down time to bask in that success - I immediately had to switch to the other child and start the painful process of getting things going again. The babes needed to be fed at least every 2-3 hours. It took 45 minutes to almost an hour for each baby to successfully feed. That means I only had an hour or so of down time before needing to start all over again, if I was lucky- even throughout the night. Some times, I had a 15 minute break- enough time to go to the bathroom and drink some water before starting the process again.
After the second night, I was in rough shape from lack of sleep and my own recovery. I probably slept 4 hours of disjointed sleep total in those 2 days. I just wanted to hold my babies, damn it, and enjoy them- not struggle to do something that hurt and frustrated all of us 24/7. I was getting upset that my husband got to do all the cuddling, all the diaper changes and had time to do things like go to the bathroom and brush his teeth. Sam was finally starting to get the hang of things during the second night. That second night feeding Sam that one time was one of the only times when I felt happy to be breastfeeding. If Anna was as successful, I may have tried to continue longer.
On the second day, the babies vitals were taken, and it was determined that they had lost 8-9% of their birth weight. It is a concern when they get to 10% and we were dangerously close. Because they were so small, they had a much smaller amount of ounces that they could loose. A 9 or even 7 lb baby has a little more room to lose a few ounces. We had a discussion with the pediatrician about the need to supplement very soon. We discussed using a feeding tube and I hit rock bottom- it was just too much and I was falling apart. The struggles and lack of sleep had done me in and I wanted to be DONE.
We called in a nurse and told her the decision through tears. She called in the lactation consultant and we had a long chat. We decided to pump and then supplement with formula afterwards to make sure the babies were gaining enough weight. Sam could have continued breastfeeding because he was getting the hang of it and lost less weight, but we felt strongly that both children were going to be fed the same way. I felt like a huge weight lifted because I knew I wouldn't be trying so hard and still have babies that were too small. So on the second day, I threw in the towel on nursing and turned to pumping.
Pumping went relatively well at the hospital compared to breastfeeding. It didn't take nearly as long and we were able to start working on a feeding routine by feeding both at the same time instead of feeding around the clock. My poor nipples which had already started to bleed from two days of constantly nursing began to heal quickly. That third night in the hospital, I actually got 4 hours of continuous sleep, which felt glorious! I was able to hold my babies and just enjoy them. People were able to visit me because my boobs weren't hanging out literally all the time(although I did make my mother and MIL leave the room while I pumped). And most importantly, the babies' weight started to rebound.
Once we came home on Saturday, I continued pumping. As we started to regain our normal household activities- laundry, washing dishes, taking care of our dogs- as well as baby care, pumping started to be a huge time drain as well. If I pumped in the living room, we needed to shut the curtains. If I was pumping in another room like our bedroom, I felt isolated. When people were visiting, I was shut away in a room by myself pumping. We are still on a 2-3 hour schedule, with eating at least every three hours. A friend of mine said pumping for one baby is like feeding twins (because you do one and then the other) and pumping for twins is like having triplets. Granted, it took less time to pump and feed than exclusively breastfeeding (and then supplementing) but it still took a long time. I was feeling very drained and frustrated that although I was pumping, we still were giving half breast milk and half formula via bottle. I was tired. So one week after the babies were born, I stopped pumping and we switched to exclusively formula. I felt free. I felt like I had my energy back. I felt like I could actually enjoy my babies. I felt like my husband and I could finally each contribute 50% of the baby care.
I know that had breastfeeding been a success, in time I could tandem feed and it would have taken less time than solely formula feeding. But ultimately, breastfeeding was not for me.
I still have moments where I feel like I failed. Where I have enormous guilt for not providing what I should for my babies. The closeness of breastfeeding when it worked was awesome- and I felt those great hormones being released. But more often I felt frustrated, in pain, and unhappy. A happy mom = happy babies, so deep down I know I decided to do what was best for our children. I firmly believe that unless you have a very strong desire to breastfeed your twins(which I did not- if you remember I was on the fence while pregnant) and are willing to get past what seems like the impossible, exclusively breastfeeding twins will not work. I have often heard people say that breastfeeding their baby was the hardest thing they've ever done. Times that by two and I think it is easy to understand why my children are now formula-fed.
In the end, I am happy. And a happy mom = happy babies.
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