Whew- I Made It!

I made it through my crazy week with three doctor appointments, my work baby shower, the guy's diaper party weekend, AND got over my cold... all in one piece and with the babies still happily nestled in my uterus. ANDDDDD... made it to the big 32 week milestone (this was my perinatologist's goal all along)!

(Sorry about the bullet points- but it is a lot to recap)

• My work shower was on Thursday after school. It is interesting to me how something I was so envious about in the past while attending other work showers, I actually didn't enjoy all that much when it was my turn. I have no problem being the center of attention when the audience is under the age of 10- but being in front of 30 coworkers watching me isn't exactly my cup of tea. When I get put on the spot I tend to get red and blotchy... and when I realize I'm getting red and blotchy it gets worse and I can't do anything about it. Let's just say I was very glad the shower was brief. We got our co-sleeper, which was the last big item we really needed and a few other smaller things like bottles, mobiles, blankets, etc.

• The guys arrived Friday night and tried to relive their college days. I was so tired that I was able to sleep peacefully through it all that night. :) The goal of 1500 diapers did not get met, which is probably better because it was really cold this week. I would have been a little worried if my husband had to take his dip in the lake. The fishing apparently wasn't all the good either, but I know the guys had a good time anyway. I instructed my husband to take lots of good pictures, but apparently it was too cold for the camera to work.

• Things were wonderfully uneventful at both the perinatologist and OB appointments this week. No surprise and no changes, so I still plan on working this week and as close to 6 more weeks as I can get. My blood pressure was "great" on Friday which surprised even me, because Friday was a heck of a day at school with squirrely kindergartners that had inside recess for three days due to the extreme cold and a full moon that night. I was SURE my blood pressure would be sky high. In two weeks I will start going every week for non-stress tests.

• I did have a few interesting developments this week- my feet actually started swelling on a regular basis, so I said a somewhat sad goodbye to my favorite boots for awhile and hemmed all my maternity work pants so I can wear more comfy shoes to school. I am still wearing my rings though, and have not had any other swelling. And because I keep little from my blog: I also had the tiniest drop of leakage from my left nipple this week. It fascinated me- and actually made me happy, because I have heard that's a good sign for my intentions to breastfeed.

• Tomorrow I have a substitute teacher in the morning because we will be holding interviews for my long-term sub. I can't wait to cross that item off the to-do-list as well! That list is getting shorter and shorter, and I love it! We have almost everything we need, with the exception of a diaper bag, because I just can't decide on one that I think will be best for us. I'd love suggestions and advice to help me pick one.

Crazy that we're really getting down to the final days now- January really flew by and I can only imagine how fast February will too.

doctor appointments

Two doctor appointments down, one to go this week. It was a pretty uneventful u/s appointment with the specialist on Tuesday (just the way I like it)- Sweet Pea, our baby girl, was 3 lbs 12 oz and Little Bean, our baby boy, was 3 lbs 10 oz- both right around the 50%ile. Do the math and that's 7 lbs 6 oz of baby in my belly. My cervix was at 3.7 cm- and according to the doc, anything over 3 is great right now... but he also mentioned that anything at all is great after Sunday when I hit 32 weeks. The babes are still head down, which is unlikely to change at this point. Since their heads are nestled in my pelvis, he even commented that my bladder must be loving that. Uh huh... another reason to be thankful for a bathroom in my classroom- very easy to zip right into in an emergency. The nurse acted surprised when I said I was still working- but no comments were made that I shouldn't be. I'm saving that chat for the OB appointment on Friday. We watched their chests rise and fall as they were "practice" breathing. That was really neat to see.

Sweet Pea, our little baby girl ( I think she has my nose)

Shy Little Bean, our little baby boy who has had his hand in front of his face EVERY SINGLE TIME we get an u/s. This is the best picture we could get.

Our other appointment was today with the pediatrician we are considering- I felt very comfortable with her, and so check! another thing is crossed off the list.

Breastfeeding part two

I failed to discuss the breastfeeding class last Thursday- mostly because I spent the weekend nursing my cold instead. Like the other classes we've taken so far- baby care basics and the birthing class- I left feeling a.) good that I knew more than I thought I did going in and b.) slightly disappointed that I didn't get more out of it. They always have cookies at the classes though- yum!

Interestingly enough- of the 6 pregnant women there, 3 of us were expecting twins. Crazy odds, huh? You would think that the instructor would have maybe geared a little bit more than she typically does towards nursing twins, but nope- she hardly mentioned it, except to answer the specific questions one of us had. The other woman that was having boy/girl twins is due March 4th and the other twin mommy-to-be is due at the beginning of April. It is totally possible for all three of us to deliver within days of each other. Our hospital typically has one set of twins delivered a month.

The class did help strengthen my decision that this is something I will try to do and that I will try my hardest to make it work at least for the first month. Now the only class we have left is our Infant CPR class at the end of February. We were supposed to have that class in December when I was in the hospital, so we rescheduled it for the only time left open. I should be almost 36 weeks at that point...gulp!

My friend is lending me her Medela Pump In Style pump so I don't have to buy one. Although I know "they" say not to use a used pump, I just can't justify (or afford) a few hundred dollars for a brand new pump when the breastfeeding twins thing is still awfully daunting for me. She said I should just buy new tubing for it. *Tip for you: I called Medela to find out the style number for the tubing, and the company said they'd send me new tubing and membranes for the pump completely free. That alone saved me probably close to $30. Also, I emailed both Medela and Lansinoh customer service inquiring about samples... and both companies sent me sample nursing pads, lanolin cream, breast milk storage bags, gel pads ,wipes, coupons, and a few other things. Yay for free stuff!

Busy Week

I'm gearing up for a busy week, with a few roadblocks. I still need to finish report card comments, but I just can't muster up the motivation to do it. The voices in my head keep whispering "go ahead and wait- if you get put on bed rest you can still do them through the Internet..." I'm trying to take it easy due to this darn cold that I can't medicate, and as always I have to try to take things one day at a time, because looking at the big picture of 34 more days at work is way too overwhelming.

Today was my easiest day this week- a long chunk of special classes so my students were out of my room for over an hour and no after school commitments- so I quickly rewarded myself for going to school and getting through the day with a two hour long nap (hey- it will probably be my only one this week). Tomorrow after school is our next peri appointment and u/s. I'm so curious to see what they weigh right now. I'm estimating that there's over 7 lbs of total baby in there, but I wonder how close to 8 lbs it will be. Wednesday we have an appointment with the pediatrician we're considering. It will be nice to cross that off the list once that is officially decided. Thursday afternoon is my work shower (I know I'm getting the co-sleeper among other stuff, so I'm excited about that! But I still have the same apprehension about showers that I mentioned in November) Friday afternoon is my OB appointment and then the guys should start arriving for their weekend. I also plan on getting The Note to release me from work so that I have it when I need it, instead of having to wait until my next appointment. We'll wrap up the weekend by celebrating hitting the 32 week milestone on Sunday!!!

This Totally Blows

Literally.

I woke up with a cold today. Like the body aches, sore muscles, swollen muscles, aching joints, hip pain, hurting stretch marks, muscle cramps, difficulty breathing, and lack of energy weren't enough with simply being pregnant with twins at over 30 weeks and still working a full-time demanding job. Now I've got the added challenge of body aches, sore muscles, aching joints, difficulty breathing, stuffy head, hurting nose and lack of energy due to a cold. Did I mention that I am sneezing a lot and sneezing makes me tinkle a little each time?

To my friend Sudafed: I will miss you this week.

*Sigh.* Bed rest is sure sounding more appealing than it was a month ago.

Thank you, dear kindergartners that pick your nose. I'm blaming you.

One More Day

I haven't mentioned this before, but I have been dreading this week since I let myself believe I would get this far in my pregnancy. My husband was gone for a work trip last week, was home for one day, and left again for a second work trip on Sunday. He will be back tomorrow night. He has about 4 work trips a year- it just was horrible timing that these two were so back to back. I knew about this way back in August and I knew I would be around 30 weeks at the time. I just didn't know what the future would hold- would I be on bed rest at the time he was supposed to be gone? What would be the chances of going into preterm labor while he was two time zones away?

Truth be told, I tried to talk him into trying to get out of one or both of the trips several times- but his entire department goes to these shows, so there was no chance unless I was in the hospital. I considered asking a friend to stay with me while he was gone- what if I couldn't put on my shoes without him? What if something happened to my 85 lb aging dog and I couldn't lift him into the car to get to the vet? And the worst- what if I needed to get to the hospital and had to drive myself the 45 minute drive through scary contractions or bleeding that I shouldn't be having? (My family does not live nearby. I do have an amazing friend on standby in case I need help but she is not staying at our home)

I have only one more day to go.

It has been hard. It would still be hard to get through the day with him here, but my husband is amazing and does so much to help me. He keeps me accountable so that I take naps, eat enough, and don't push too hard.

School is getting really hard. I almost started crying in the hall today from the fatigue of staying on top of 21 kindergartners and report cards/testing for the end of the semester- and it is only Wednesday. I had a meltdown after arriving home. I need my husband to comfort me. I need my rock to get me through.

Only 24 hours to go.

Newest Set of Belly Shots

28 weeks

29 weeks (measuring 40 weeks with over 5 lbs of babies in there)

30 weeks! Only 8 more to go!

Diaper Party

Several months ago I mentioned the idea of a male diaper party to my husband. Most of our friends live many hours away from us, and we don't get a chance to see them very often. I thought it would be a great idea to invite all the guys to our house for a weekend of guy fun- and make it a "diaper party." In my mind I was thinking it might be a while before my husband gets together with these friends, and I wanted him to be able to have a "guys" weekend before he becomes a dad x2 (Plus, it would help build up our much needed supply of diapers). As we started tackling other things on the list (like the babies' room, names, supplies, a new vehicle to fit 2 car seats, etc.) it really wasn't brought up again until a few weeks ago.

Once my husband brought it up though, things really started to get underway (he has a bit of a one track mind, as do most guys). What started out as a simple: invite-the-guys-for-a-weekend-and bring-diapers has now morphed into a weekend centered around a ice fishing tournament- aptly called the "Crappie Diaper Tournament" (For those of you who may not know, a crappie is a kind of fish. My dear husband loves the play on words, and since it's his deal, I'm letting him go with it. Ah, male humor.). He even asked a co-worker to make an invitation:

If you can't read the smaller print, it states that the entry fee is one package of diapers. If 1500+ diapers are entered, my husband decided he would do a polar bear plunge (if you are not familiar with ice covered lakes, this involves cutting a larger hole in the ice that he will actually get into and "go swimming.") He's pretty confident that this will really motivate his male friends. Each guy can also earn extra inches towards the total (winner of the tournament has the highest total of inches from all the fish he caught) by bringing baby wipes. He hasn't decided what the winning prize will be yet.

Besides the fishing, they'll have their typical drinking, poker, etc. that weekend.

Me? I'm all for it. (1500 diapers might just get us through over two months of diaper changes) But you'll find me at my friend Sara's home for the weekend instead.

And that's how a diaper party is (or will be) done in the frozen Midwest state of Wisconsin.

Current Status

Thanks, everyone, for your opinions about breastfeeding, C-sections, and circ'ing. My current status is that I am going to bf, but need to go into it more determined to make it work- so it will. My breastfeeding class is on Thursday, so helpfully that will also help get me in the mindset that I can do it with two babies. I mentioned that at the most I would only bf for 6 mos- that is because I will go back to school then, and I don't want to pump at school. I know how challenging going back in September after 6 months, the beginning of school year, and daycare will be for me, and I don't want to compound it with trying to find time to pump, while doing something I've never been able to do before- leave school the second I can at 3:40 pm, instead of staying until 4-5 pm.

Today, I am still leaning towards attempting a vaginal birth- But circ'ing remains up in the air.

Thanks again for your comments!

Questions I've Been Mulling Over

To breastfeed or not?

Honestly, I don't feel a big pull to breastfeed. I'm just not sure it's going to be my cup of tea. Although I know it is very healthy for a baby to be breastfed, I read this article this week that explains breast milk is not as important as previously thought. My driving motivation is mostly the cost savings versus formula feeding for two. When you add in the cost of pumping supplies, storage bags, nursing bras, more diapers (breastfed babies go through more- or so I've heard), cream, pads, etc.- breastfeed is most definitely not free though. If I breastfeed, it will be only for a maximum of 6 months. I know it can be difficult for a mother of one newborn to breastfeed- and I will have the added challenge of two infants at the same time. The advantage of my husband (or a helper) being able to do 50% of the feeding with formula (and the extra sleep that will come with tag teaming!) is very appealing to me. If we decide to formula feed from the start, we wouldn't need to prepare for both. But then I come back to the hundreds of dollars we'd save without having to buy formula. Right now I'm in a limbo of trying to figure out what we need for option a.)exclusive breastfeeding b.)breastfeeding for a little while then switching to formula c.) breastfeeding for months first or d.) formula feeding from the start. I just can't decide what to do!
*edited to add: I didn't mention the plus of burning calories faster and thus losing weight with bfing. I understand the important of bonding... but I also think that my children bonding with their father is equally important. Do I need to have a unique bond through bfing? I don't feel so- I already have a unique bond by carrying them for months and delivering them.

C-Section or Vaginal Birth?

My OB is 100% comfortable with whatever option I want to pursue, provided the first baby is head down. (According to the last u/s, this is currently the case, but it can still change) It is more likely that I will need a C-section with the twins, because even if one is head down- once he/she is out, anything can happen with the other baby once there's suddenly lots of room to move around and he/she could suddenly become breech or transverse. I will be delivering in an operating room regardless of the positions or my preference. Some days, I lean towards a C-section, so that I know what I can focus on going through and forget the rest. With that option, I won't need to worry about delivering one vaginally and one C-section. Honestly, it scares me to think of the recovery I'd have to go through if I experienced both types of delivery. On the other hand- this WILL be my only birth. A small part of me is okay right now with the potential of both a vaginal delivery and C-section, because then I'd get to experience both. But I've always had a feeling that I'd have C-sections because I have pretty narrow hips. Which way I'm leaning changes depending on the day!
* edited to add: the twins in my class were delivered one vaginally, one C-section by my OB. I'm not really sure how this affects my viewpoint, but it does a little.

To circumcise or not?

I've pretty much left this one up to my husband- since I get to make so many of the other decisions. I also feel like I can't really make the choice, because I haven't personally experienced either way! Neither one of us has a strong opinion about it. We've read lots about both sides... and still haven't come to a conclusion. It seems that although there are small advantages to both, it is ultimately just a personal preference. Time's ticking though- and a decision needs to be made.
*edited to add: 80% of the world's population is NOT circ'd. It is a common choice in the US, but is becoming less common every year. Some days I just cannot justify causing my baby pain for something that does not really have a medical advantage. Interestingly, which way I'm leaning each day is inversely related to the way my husband is leaning. Figures.

Comments to help sway me one way or the other and decide on any of the topics?

The 3rd Trimester Hit Like a Ton of Bricks

I've had several moments this week that have made me think I'm out of my ever lovin' mind if I still hope to get to 38 weeks at work. The 3rd trimester was ushered in for me over the holidays, and my goodness- halfway through my second full week back at school, I am struggling. It wears me out just getting ready for school in the morning. I am just about done getting dressed/doing my hair/putting on makeup/eating breakfast and every day without fail, I am so worn out I crave a nap before I even step foot in my vehicle. THEN add in 21 kindergartners from 7:40 am until 3:10 pm (which would completely wear out a normal person) and it's amazing I can even walk to my vehicle in my personal handicapped spot at the end of the day.

I'm jealous of the twin mamas-to-be that stopped working well before my 29 weeks. I'm jealous that I can't be one of the twin teacher moms that said on a post on a twin chat board I read recently that they stopped at 24 weeks . I still think working right now is what's best for my babies (by earning a paycheck), and I don't think working is harming them in any way- or will make them come any earlier. But for simply my comfort- I am exhausted and want to be done with work. What keeps me going is that I know going back to school in spring will be far more painful for me than this. And that's what will happen if I stop before 38 weeks.

What fascinates me a lot lately is how parts of my body hurt that I never knew could hurt. Bones, joints and muscles are screaming for my attention- I think they are demanding, "what the hell are you doing to us???" Before this week, I thought the extent of stretch marks was simply that they just looked unattractive. Imagine my surprise when my stomach skin started burning like it was on fire this week. I woke up in the middle of the night thinking my husband had poked me hard in the stomach. But nope- it was just more stretch marks literally tearing my skin. Maybe that's because I'm now officially measuring 40 weeks according to my OB... that's right, that's full term people (and 10 1/2 weeks ahead of my 29 1/2 weeks). That would also explain why people stare at me where ever I go out in public. Picture this: if I make it to the ultimate goal of 38 weeks, I may just measure around 50 weeks. Imagine the looks I'll get then walking into Target. Ha!

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

I remember reading this on a blog many months ago and it bringing me to tears. As motherhood draws closer and closer every day for me- I searched for it to share on my blog so that I have it to treasure for many more months to come.

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother
(Adapted from the Internet)

There are women that become mothers without effort,
without thought, without patience or loss and though
they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be a better mother.

It will be not because of genetics,
or money or that I have read more books
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have
appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my children.
I will take time to watch my children sleep, explore and discover.
I will marvel at these miracles every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night
to the sound of my children, knowing that I can comfort,
hold and feed them and that I am not waking to take
another temperature, pop another pill, take another
shot or cry tears of a broken dream.
My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself blessed in this sense; that God has given
me this insight, this special vision with which I will
look upon my children.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.
I have been tried by fire and hell many
never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.

I have learned the immense power of
another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that
moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and
when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion
that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes I will be a wonderful mother.~Author Unknown

Baby Laundry

7 baby laundry loads later this weekend... all the washable stuff we have is washed and put away!

(The plan was to do this over winter break, but then our dryer broke. It wasn't fixable. Since our microwave and dishwasher have also broken in the month or so, we got a new vehicle and bought the dressers, a new dryer wasn't an option, really. We really lucked out and got a dryer on Craigslist for $50- that actually matches our washer. After getting some baby stuff on there too- I'm really beginning to love Craigslist!)

I've been finding out that it is a little bit of an organizational nightmare to make sure we have enough clothing in each particular size and about an equal amount of each type with one boy and girl on the way. It would be sooo much easier if they could both wear every single article of clothing we have, but someone I'm guessing my husband won't let me put our son in a pink and flowery outfit. So I've made a list of what we have and what we need to be covered (according to twin books I've read) trying to balance out the number of onesies/sleepers/outfits/hats/bibs/socks/etc. by gender. I think we have newborn to 3 months pretty much covered now. Yay! We could use a few more boy outfits to make things more equal, because my coworker gave me a slew of girly outfits so that's a little off balance, but outfits aren't really necessary and we do have a few boy outfits. I'm okay with not having enough 3-6 month clothes or beyond, because I'm not really sure how big they'll be for the warmer summer months and I plan on going to garage sales this summer to help with that.

My husband also put together the two dressers last week, so it was very exciting to hang AND put stuff away in drawers. It's really beginning to feel like things are coming together. I'm itching now to buy a new window covering, since that's really the last thing the room needs. I do want a small bookshelf for books and a lamp, but those things aren't as important. I kept my husband busy this weekend: he also painted letters to hang above the cribs with the names we picked- we hung them to get the nails in place and then took them down to keep our secret until the twins' birth day!

A shot of the closet- these are only newborn and 0-3 month sized clothes that can be hung (excluding outfits and onesies):

Here are the finished quilts, as well:

Notice the fabric that is carried through both quilts. Brown and sage green are the colors of other things in the room like the changing pad cover, wall color, and hopefully the window treatment. I know I said it before, but it should be said again: I am so blessed to have such a talented friend to make our babies the quilts for us! They really help tie in the coordinating colors for both babies in the room.

MFM appointment

We had our 28w u/s appointment with the MFM specialist, and all continues to look good. My cervix is at 3.9 cm- and while at the hospital about two weeks ago it was measured at 4 cm (I'm thinking there has to be at least a 0.1 cm margin of error) so it appears that there were no long lasting ill effects from my bout with scary contractions. According to the doc, anything over 3 cm at this point is great. That's fantastic news!

It continues to amaze me how fast he zips through measuring all the parts of two babies compared to the u/s I got from u/s techs in the past. In less than a half hour he was done- and all the measurements were so speedy, I can't even remember most of them except that each baby was 2 lbs 11 oz- exactly the same weight. That also means I've got over 5 lbs of baby in there- no wonder the stretch marks (my Christmas present from Santa) continue to multiply and there are times during the day that my stomach just feels heavy.

Here are the images, although they are not the best we've gotten from all the ultrasounds so far:

Baby girl with her hand by her face

Baby boy saluting with his foot by his forehead

Sweet Pea also kicked me so hard today that I totally said "OW" out loud. That was a first. I guess they are getting pretty strong in there!

The Post That Was Supposed To Be Titled, "Call Me Ms. Productive"

I had good goals for my winter break from school: finish the babies' room as much as possible, get my lesson plans all set for the rest of the school year, get caught up in my mitten making orders, and pack my hospital bag. I did accomplish a lot- but not one of those goals got completely done.

Finishing the babies' room: We did order the rest of the furniture for the room, which I had hoped would be here before the end of break. It is estimated to arrive in two days. Oh well. I couldn't do any baby laundry to put away in them anyway, because our dryer broke. That makes the third appliance in the last two months to have issues. We've gotten a new microwave, a new dishwasher- and I'm really hoping the dryer can just be fixed, rather than replaced, because, you know, I'd be stressing about how to pay for all the rest of the baby stuff without our appliance issues. The room got painted and letters were ordered for their names above the cribs. You won't get to see those until after the little ones are born because we're still keeping those quiet. I looked into a new window covering, but that will have to wait for a while, because add in the new vehicle and this has been an expensive month so far.

School Prep: I went in 4 days over break and got lesson plans written and things prepped for all of January, February, March, and April, as well as some stuff for the beginning of the next school year ( I usual do this in the spring and obviously won't get a chance this year). I didn't get the rest of the year done, but- 4 months of lesson plans/prep is pretty impressive to me anyway!

Mitten making: I got 5 pairs done, 4 to go. Over half way isn't too bad.

Hospital bag packing: I went shopping and got a lot of the stuff I needed to put in the bag. Pretty much all that's left is stuff I can't pack weeks and weeks in advance (like my cell phone cord, my ipod, makeup, etc) and clothes since our dryer is having issues. The partially packed bag is sitting in our room, with a handy list on top for other things to be added should the need arise last minute. I hope I won't need the bag for 10 more weeks though!

In other news, today we reached the 28 week mark! The babies' viability went up to 90% if they were to be born this early. The next goal is 32 weeks... my perinatologist's magical number, in which he said after reaching premature babies show no long lasting effects from being born early. Yay for 28 weeks, still working, and no repeat scary contractions!

2009 in Review

My Ode to 2009...

2008 was The. Worst. Year. Ever. Or so I hoped as the calendar turned over to 2009. No year could be as bad or worse yet as that, right? In 2008, we turned the corner of 2+ years of TTC with no end in sight and lots of dead ends along the way. 2009 held promise, because we had just discovered that refinancing our home in light of great interest rates might give us the magical(although astronomical) amount needed for IVF to be in our future. So 2009 started with a little hope- more than we had had in a long time.

In January, there were highs and lows. I discovered mitten making with the help of a friend- a much needed outlet for my energy that had kept me fixated on what we didn't have. As an added bonus, I was able to make hundreds of extra dollars to put towards our IVF fund. The last kindergarten teacher besides me got PG; I got blindsided with the news- and I dealt with the devastating blow that I truly was the last one left.

In February, I was able to do something fun, just for me- I took a mini vacation to Orlando and met some of my online IF girls IRL. It was a big risk for me- flying someplace by myself to meet people I had never seen in person before- but I am still so thankful that I took that risk. We also refinanced our house officially, and put the money away for our chance at a baby through IVF in the summer.

In March, my husband and I went on the best vacation I've ever had; both at the time and now looking back- to Jamaica (it was my 5 year anniversary present). We stayed at an all-inclusive adults only resort- the perfect place to get away from all things pregnancy and baby. It was the best medicine ever. I don't know if I would have been in the right frame of mind for the IVF if it wasn't for our Jamaica vacation.

In April and May, I impatiently waited for our chance at a miracle and second-guessed waiting until the summer. I knew, though, that waiting until school was out would be best- so that I could completely focus on doing everything in my power to increase our chance of success. At some point in these months I became at peace with IF and God's plan for us- I knew that we would be ok, no matter what the outcome of the summer would be.

In June, what I knew would be our first and only IVF cycle got underway with a rocky start. It took a longer time to suppress my ovaries, and I was extremely worried that we were doomed before we even really got underway. I started acupuncture to give us the best possible chance.

July was a ridiculously crazy month, which started with a ER the day after the 4th of July and ended with the outcome I barely allowed myself to hope and dream about- the positive HPT. I will remember July for the rest of my life.

August brought even more craziness- as we watched two little heartbeats flicker away on the screen, and the realization of twins took weeks to sink in. PIO shots continued to be a major pain in my butt, literally. It was the hardest physical part of the IVF process, by far.

In September I was able to live out the daydreams I rarely allowed myself to have as we made our news public and we passed 12 weeks. The idea that this was really going to happen sunk in more and more each day. I was so very thankful to have only mild morning sickness, thanks to acupuncture, I believe.

In October I really began to realize that a twin pregnancy can be very different than a singleton pregnancy. My stomach seemed to grow noticeably daily. And just like kids have growing pains with growth spurts, so did I. Debilitating back pain that led me to tears also led me to a physical therapist. At the end of October, we found out that we were having a boy AND a girl, just when I thought it wasn't possible to feel any more blessed.

In November we had our family shower, and the clock seemed to tick even faster as the reality of how much stuff we would need for twins and how much preparation needed to be done sunk in.

In December I continued trying to stay on top of both a demanding job, daily and holiday stresses, money issues and a body that had needs of its own. This juggling act got the best of me when I ended up in the hospital with contractions at 26 weeks. Thankfully, they stopped and have not come back to that degree. The bliss of finally becoming pregnant and the gift of babies in the near future started to get overshadowed by the anxiety of a never ending list of things that need to get done when there's not enough time/bought when there's not enough money/and the time to do it all has a secret end that I won't know until it's here.

2010 has so much promise. 2010 will be the best year ever. 2010 has things in store that I cannot fathom. It is an amazing thing to know and feel like you are on the brink of something so life changing that you cannot truly comprehend it accurately. By the end of 2010, our family will be multiplied by 2.

I will be a mom.