To breastfeed or not?
Honestly, I don't feel a big pull to breastfeed. I'm just not sure it's going to be my cup of tea. Although I know it is very healthy for a baby to be breastfed, I read this article this week that explains breast milk is not as important as previously thought. My driving motivation is mostly the cost savings versus formula feeding for two. When you add in the cost of pumping supplies, storage bags, nursing bras, more diapers (breastfed babies go through more- or so I've heard), cream, pads, etc.- breastfeed is most definitely not free though. If I breastfeed, it will be only for a maximum of 6 months. I know it can be difficult for a mother of one newborn to breastfeed- and I will have the added challenge of two infants at the same time. The advantage of my husband (or a helper) being able to do 50% of the feeding with formula (and the extra sleep that will come with tag teaming!) is very appealing to me. If we decide to formula feed from the start, we wouldn't need to prepare for both. But then I come back to the hundreds of dollars we'd save without having to buy formula. Right now I'm in a limbo of trying to figure out what we need for option a.)exclusive breastfeeding b.)breastfeeding for a little while then switching to formula c.) breastfeeding for months first or d.) formula feeding from the start. I just can't decide what to do!
*edited to add: I didn't mention the plus of burning calories faster and thus losing weight with bfing. I understand the important of bonding... but I also think that my children bonding with their father is equally important. Do I need to have a unique bond through bfing? I don't feel so- I already have a unique bond by carrying them for months and delivering them.
C-Section or Vaginal Birth?
My OB is 100% comfortable with whatever option I want to pursue, provided the first baby is head down. (According to the last u/s, this is currently the case, but it can still change) It is more likely that I will need a C-section with the twins, because even if one is head down- once he/she is out, anything can happen with the other baby once there's suddenly lots of room to move around and he/she could suddenly become breech or transverse. I will be delivering in an operating room regardless of the positions or my preference. Some days, I lean towards a C-section, so that I know what I can focus on going through and forget the rest. With that option, I won't need to worry about delivering one vaginally and one C-section. Honestly, it scares me to think of the recovery I'd have to go through if I experienced both types of delivery. On the other hand- this WILL be my only birth. A small part of me is okay right now with the potential of both a vaginal delivery and C-section, because then I'd get to experience both. But I've always had a feeling that I'd have C-sections because I have pretty narrow hips. Which way I'm leaning changes depending on the day!
* edited to add: the twins in my class were delivered one vaginally, one C-section by my OB. I'm not really sure how this affects my viewpoint, but it does a little.
To circumcise or not?
I've pretty much left this one up to my husband- since I get to make so many of the other decisions. I also feel like I can't really make the choice, because I haven't personally experienced either way! Neither one of us has a strong opinion about it. We've read lots about both sides... and still haven't come to a conclusion. It seems that although there are small advantages to both, it is ultimately just a personal preference. Time's ticking though- and a decision needs to be made.
*edited to add: 80% of the world's population is NOT circ'd. It is a common choice in the US, but is becoming less common every year. Some days I just cannot justify causing my baby pain for something that does not really have a medical advantage. Interestingly, which way I'm leaning each day is inversely related to the way my husband is leaning. Figures.
Comments to help sway me one way or the other and decide on any of the topics?
19 comments:
Those are tough questions. I wish I had answers for you but I don't. All I can say is follow your heart, do what you believe is right. It seems like you have done the research and you just have to do what you feel is right.
I've also debated the circumcision question. I'm not sure what I want to do if we have a little boy. I can't wait to see what you decide. I have two brothers, one is and one isn't. The one who isn't is very clean and has never had a problem and his gf's say you can't even tell because the skin goes back naturally now-eew, I don't want to picture that, lol, because he is my brother after all, lol!
I am all pro-breast feeding. Why?
Well, I am 24weeks pregnant and until recently I thought breast feeding was like a curse for women...so I started reading and that's what I found:
1. Breast feeding helps mother and her children bond together. Basically, when you breastfeed your body releases oxytocin (a hormone that helps you feel motherly), thus you feel even more connected to your little babies. Of course I don't know you, and you made me already super connected to them...well, that brings us to part 2.
2. Breast feeding helps babies get to know you better. By now they know you pretty well from inside, however they still need to learn that they can relay on you, that you are there for them when they need you, they need to stare at your face and thus bond with you. The moment when they "suck" and you look at them helps them to create a visual memory of who you are and how you talk to them, smile to them, nurture them. Studies have shown that children who were breastfed trust their mothers more during their teenage years.
If that's not enough :)
3. The un-used mild might turn into something that eventually can become cancer. Ok, this is not something I read somewhere...but when I went to college, every year an oncologist from UPenn Medical school would come to talk about ways women can "prevent" or save themselves from cancer...one of those things...if you get pregnant and have a baby, breast feed for at least 6 months.
LAST, but not least...
4. Breast feeding helps burn calories. You burn about 500 calories during breast feeding, and in your case, I guess it will be a double. So, I guess this is a good way to lose some of the extra baby weight we all gain during pregnancy.
IN THE END, this is your choice! Your babies and your life and you need to do whatever you are comfortable with and will enjoy!!!
You are a smart woman and your motherly instinct will guide you :)
Best of luck!!!
I have very similar dilemmas as you, especially when it comes to bf. My sisters are all for it and bf'ed their kids for a long time. Personally I think that if a child can ask for it verbally, it's time to stop! For me, I have never thought of myself as a bfing type. However I am willing to try it - but NOT tandem. There comes a point were it is no longer bonding for me, rather it's my feeling of becoming a cow or something lol!
The main reason I am willing to try is because I have never done it before, I may have a completely different experience one way or another. Also my flu shots will be passed to them through my milk. But I also know that it will be difficult to produce all of that milk, so I am totally preparing to supplement with formula or move to formula completely. I refuse to feel guilty for doing so because one thing I know about bfing is if mom is not happy, baby won't be happy. I also want Josh to be able to help out. I'm also somewhat modest when it comes to my boobs - I told Josh if I was gonna do it, it would be completely alone!
C-section is a no brainer for me. With my surgery last year I'm at a higher risk of complications so I'm getting cut open (again). Although I know people say a vaginal birth is an easier recovery, the surgery was more or less a cesearean but they took out a fibroid instead of a baby. The recovery was tough but I really felt myself after the 3rd week and was driving by the 4th week. So it's really not bad. The worst was in the hospital but I had nurses and pain meds.
As far as circumcision goes, I left that up to Josh. He's not (tmi sorry!) and said that since it is the norm in the u.s. we should do it. He's from Canada and his parents are Brits so I guess it's not normal to be circumcised overseas or up north. But talking to my mom she says it's not a big deal to care for the wound and it heals quickly. I've been with circumcised and not (more tmi!) and honestly there is no difference sexually.
So there's my 2 cents in it all :) I hope it helps! The main thing is to do what you feel is right for you and your babies and do not feel guilty if you go against views. These are your children!
If you don't yet have the book "Double Duty" you should get it, it's got some great views on bfing and other twin related things. Also "Juggling Twins" offers some good advice but I found some bits to be a little preachy. But again, some good advice on raising twins :)
Warning. I am pregnant and having the same set of thoughts as you.
This is my two cents and it RAMBLES.
1. You could try breast feeding. If it comes easy for you, do it, if not, move to formula. You can get by without the pump and nursing bras (the big money drag) until after you know whether you want to proceed. You can and probably want to buy both of those things from a lactation consultant in your area. They have the best equipment and are the best at measuring, so that can be a quick trip after the twins are here. The rest of the stuff--pads, cream, etc. they start you off with in the hospital, but doesn't cost too much and most of it you may need anyway when your milk comes in, even if you decide not to breast feed.
Formula with DHA is great stuff, so it's not a huge deal if you don't breast feed, but you might want to try it for the first 10 weeks just to lower the risk they get sick during that dangerous period where they would have to be hospitalized if they get a fever--your body does manufacture antibodies that will be passed on to the babies that no formula can mimic.
Hard reality. With twins, you might have to supplement with formula anyway.
Either way, if you can pump or formula supplement so that your husband can take one of the night feedings and give you a 5-6 hour stretch of sleep, it won't feel so much like war for those first 8weeks. Example--you can go to bed after the evening feeding (9-10) and sleep until the 3-4 a.m. feeding. He can go to bed after the midnight feeding (12-1) and sleep until he would have to get up for work (6-7).
2. You are tiny. By the time you deliver you're going to have 10-12 lbs of baby inside of you (maybe more!). Go ahead and schedule the c-section, there are no medals for birthing a baby vaginally. Plus, there are 2, and the risk you speak about with the second baby turning transverse or breach is extremely real. Ask your doctor how they fix that. OMG if you had to deliver one and then have a c-section with the other your poor body would be so traumatized. I wouldn't risk it, but again, that is just my opinion. Find out from your doctor about recovery, what you will need, how you should set things up in your home based on what you can lift, etc. My bestie at work had a c-section in October and lives in a 2 story house. She did end up needing to set up a make-shift baby supplies room on her dining room table so that she didn't have to go up and down the stairs all day. This was a real pain to set up when she got home from the hospital, but would be easy to do ahead of time. Do not panic. There will not be onesies on your dining room table for the rest of your days, just try to make things as easy on yourself as possible.
3. Circumcise. Go into your bathroom, raise the seat of your toilet and look at the kind of mess your husband can make. Boys need all the help with hygiene they can get. That said, the medical journals are completely divided on this, so you can really do whatever you want. Here's a link that refers to the medical journals:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34811764/ns/health-kids_and_parenting/
I was like you and had no desire to breastfeed. I thought I'd give it a try from the standpoint of it being cheaper and a good way to lose some of the pregnancy weight. It was OK, but I started feeling like all I was doing was either feeding her or pumping. I was thinking about switching when my supply stopped, making the decision for me. I am SO glad that we are formula feeding now, and we plan to do so from the beginning with our next child.
You could rent a pump and purchase minimal supplies to pump breastmilk for the first few weeks to get colostrum, and supplement with formula (eventually making the 100% switch). Then you get the most beneficial part of breastfeeding without the long-term cost or complications of hungry babies and only one mommy! I think it's true (anecdotally) that breastfeeding will help you drop weight faster, but I wouldn't put too much stock in the baby bonding stuff because plenty of studies have shown that babies who couldn't be breastfed (problems latching, not enough milk, or adopted after birth) can bond with their mommies just fine with skin to skin contact. So don't fear! Just do what feels best and lets you be comfortable parents. (Also, FYI, I've had friends who planned to exclusively breastfeed and due to baby weight issues, were instructed by their doctors to use formula to pack some pounds on them...so it might be a practical matter, too!)
As for the rest....with the C vs vaginal delivery, there's a good chance your doctor will have a recommendation when the time comes (i.e. if both babies aren't in the right position). Or, you can plan for a vaginal delivery and if it doesn't progress quickly, skip it and do the C (so you get some of the experience, but not the worst of it, before having to switch to a C!) And as for circumcision, I guess I would probably go for it since it's quite common and fathers tend to favor it if they have been (or not, if vice versa). Let the hubby make that call!
I am all for BF'ing for all the reasons mentioned by Siiillly (above) and more! The question is if I will have enough. I have seen PCOS babes having trouble... so we will have to see.
I am not willing to risk the babies and their mothers health for a vaginal birth. I have seen (followed) too many cases of "Placenta Accreta" with twins and I would rather be safe than surprised (even more than I already have been).
Circumcision is an option I left for my husband... It is not common where we come from... so most likely our boy will not be.
Finally all these are personal choices... so no matter what you decide, it is not going to be wrong!
I wish I had some great advice or wise words for you, but I don't. I think you're great at researching things so I say just follow your heart and your instincts. I know whatever decisions you make you will be a GREAT mother!
i breastfeed exclusively - & i don't use a pump, storage bags, special nursing bras etc... so essentially, it is free for some of us... i don't have twins, but i have nursed 2 at a time (an older child with a little one) & while yeh, it's time consuming - but if your hubby is all about the tag teaming (yay for that!) you could get him to do the diaper changes, burpies, snuggles - bring baby to you - you nurse - & then he puts babe back in bed & brings you the next little person :)
Breastfeeding definitely isn't easy and honestly, I'm not sure I would do it if I had twins. It's a lot of work and it is pretty isolating because no one can really help you with those late night feedings in the beginning (unless you pump and bottle feed). However, once you get past those first few weeks (or months, for some people), BF becomes pretty easy and routine. It's convenient because, well, your boobs go with you wherever you go. No formula or bottles to prepare! I wouldn't go so far as to say I ENJOY breastfeeding now, but it's a pretty routine and simple task for us. And I do feel good about the added benefits of my immunities being passed to Camden and that breastfed babies have fewer colds and infections in their first year of life. I do have the added benefit of not working, which makes BFing a lot easier since I'm with Camden all of the time. If I was going back to work, I'd probably have chosen to BF for a couple of months and then switch to formula. There is no right or wrong choice! You do what you feel good about. And don't feel bad about changing your mind if you start to BF and it just doesn't work. That's what I told myself-- I'd try it, and if it wasn't right for me, I'd switch to formula and not feel bad about it.
The circumcision question is tough. I also struggled with it. Ultimately, we decided to circ and let me tell you- I cried my eyes out when they took him away to have it done and I doubted my decision up until the very last second. It healed nicely, though, and he was totally fine an hour or so after the procedure. Having said that, I completely understand the reasoning behind those who decide not to circ. It's a very personal decision.
I am very pro-bf. But I do understand that it is difficult for some women. I chose to bf B from the get-go. However, I gave myself goals...make it the first month so he could get the colostrum and initial milk...then move to the first 3 mths (ppl say that if you can make it past 3 mths it gets easier)...then move to 6 mths...& finally 1 year. I have made it to 7 mths and don't plan to stop until he turns 1. There have been a few bumps in the road but mostly due to exhaustion of having a new baby (which, btw, is gonna happen regardless of how many babies/how many adults help/how you choose to feed). You also really need to have a good support system and a go-to person with questions or frustrations. The lactation consultants in the hospital are great to answer questions both before, during, and after the birth. I wouldn't worry about the pump right away. Do you have someone who would let you borrow one? My sister had one that was basically new and I just got a few supplies. HUGE money saver. Also, like a pp said, you will need some supplies when your milk comes in whether you choose to bf or formula feed. I can understand your hesitation and questions. Especially with having twins. But, goals are great to have. Try it out, give yourself a time frame to meet (like 1 mth) and go from there. I have not regretted choosing to BF at all. The bonding is great and frankly, husbands and family members can bond other ways other than feeding. Baths, diaper changes, burping, rocking to sleep, skin to skin, etc. I loved the fact that there was one thing I could give/do with my child that no one else could. It was something special between the two of us. I started pumping a couple of weeks before returning to work & it SUCKED. I hated it with a passion. But I stuck with it & after about a mth of it, it came easier. BF has saved us a lot of money. It has made my child healthy. B has had a couple of small colds and that's it. Compared to other babies of friends his age, not bf, and have gotten every sickness they are around. Recently, our entire family (about 15 of us) got sick with the stomach flu. Including me. It spread like wild fire and came on quick. The only person who did not get it was B. I like the fact that he gets my antibodies. I didn't get him the flu shot this year either.
There are ways to get around the pricey stuff with bfing (i.e. supplies), so don't let that deter you.
I don't know about having twins and bfing. I can imagine it to be difficult, especially at first. A friend of mine had twins & bf exclusively. She would feed them both at the same time. Quite a talent:-) But I'm sure that if you put your mind to it, you could figure it out.
Some ppl have to quit bfing for one reason or another. Some never even try b/c they just don't want to or b/c they think it's weird. I was worried about it being weird, but honestly, it came naturally for me. I was blessed. My advice would be to just try it out, and give yourself some leniency. If it doesn't work, at least you can say you tried and your babies at least got the colostrum (most important).
As far as C-section vs. vaginal...I'd go with whatever the Dr. suggests. I went in, got induced, and planned for a vaginal delivery. Ended up, I had to have a csection b/c I was too small for B to get down the canal. In the end, I had a great experience & I'm glad I had the csection.
B is circum. It was both my husband and I's decision together. I believe it is healthier just b/c of the difficulty in a child keeping it clean. However, I also believe it's not some horrible decision to not do it. It's a personal decision.
I'm sure you'll make great choices, no matter what you go with in any of these situations. You're the mommy, so you know what's best:-)
Not sure if you follow her... but she is BF'ing her triplets and has some great insight in this post... http://tubelessinseattle.blogspot.com/2010/01/post-about-breastfeeding.html
I know some people will think I'm the devil, but I'm leaning toward not breastfeeding, much to my husband's dismay. I've never really been a fan of it, and with two it seems like a monumental task. Are you going back to work? I can't imagine pumping at work. Do some people do a combination breastfeeding/bottle I wonder?
I'm torn about the birth. Ending up with both c-section AND vaginal scares me to death! Recovery from c-section scares me. Epeasiotomy (sp?)and general tearing of important girly parts scares me too. Kind of hoping the babies make that decision for me.
I'll be interested in learning what choices you make. :)
I want to avoid giving too many comments about breastfeeding because I really wanted to, had lots of problems due to Matteo's immature latch, overcame my issues, and have now successfully BF for 9 months and plan to continue for at a very minimum of 3 more months. I want to say I would definitely give it a try at the beginning. You really do not need all those supplies in the beginning and you can chose to get those things if you need them.
Good luck on making all of these decisions.
Tough decisions and they aren't even born yet! Just wait until they are and you'll find that decisions you didn't even think would be a big deal will become them. :)
Not sure what to tell you. I breastfed my son exclusively, not even a bottle in the house, for almost 18 months. Along with the above positives you can also add that studies show that kids who are breastfed seem to struggle less with obesity. I don't know, I kind of view it like I would anything else. If I've already convinced myself that it isn't going to work, then it probably won't because I'll find it easier to give it up.
I only had one at a time so vaginally was definitely the way to go. I would much rather have had a vaginal birth than go through a major surgery like a c-section. I'd have to say if I was pregnant with twins I'd also go vaginally, but I'm definitely into doing things as naturally as possible.
Our son is circumsized. We would do it again although there aren't any huge reasons for us to choose either way, it's just something we always knew we would do.
Personally I want to BF, even though I'm going back to work after 3 months. With my PCO, I'm not sure if I'll be successful, but just for the convenience of minimizing bottles, formula costs, hassle of preparing to go out with baby etc, I'll give it my best shot. I haven't bought a pump yet, since I figure I'll see how it goes before I get one. Or I'll rent one from the hospital until I figure out if things are going to work. If I want DH to participate in feeding, I'll pump and let him feed EBM. I think my SIL tended to give hers a bottle of formula in the early evening to start filling them up to sleep longer at night, and my brother would feed the kids that bottle. She may well have been pumping during that feeding to start stockpiling milk for going back to work, though I'm not sure about that.
RE the C/S or not. If I were having twins, I'd get the epidural that they'll for sure recommend (in case they need to do a breech extraction and reach up and fish out the little feet of twin B after twin A is out, or in case twin B ends up needing a C/S). And then I'd try for a vaginal birth if twin A weren't gigantic and were head-down. I've seen quite a lot of twin deliveries during my OB anesthesia training, and I don't think I saw any that converted to a C/S for the second baby. The breech extractions went pretty smoothly too. Maybe check with your doc how comfortable he is with doing that if baby B is breech or transverse. All they'll have to do is quickly top up your epidural for surgical anesthesia, and away you go.
RE circumcision, the only real reason I'd read for doing it would be to reduce the risk of STD (including HIV) transmission. Then again, I'd hope my kid would practice safe sex anyhow, and that we could teach him good hygiene to stay clean. My DH isn't circ'd, nor are my Dad and brother or nephews, and I wouldn't want my son circ'd either. If the majority of men in my life were circ'd, I'd probably go for it, but only if the doctor put in freezing or the baby got tylenol and emla cream to numb the foreskin ahead of time. It's a pretty safe procedure, but not totally without risk. I've heard of a baby dying from an unrecognized blood clotting disorder because it bled out after the circumcision. That shouldn't be too hard to pick up on though! I've also heard of the doctor managing to take off the tip of the penis (no clue how that happened!), and the parents then deciding to reassign the baby as a girl, causing him to grow up with major issues. That's got to be a total freak occurrence though, so I wouldn't let either of those sway my decision. I'd base it solely on what would let him fit in with the standard in our families.
Hope that wasn't too long-winded for you. And it wasn't written to freak you out! No matter which way you go on any of the issues, you'll be doing what you think is best for your babies.
Wow...you've covered some tough ones there. I'm glad you did though because I'm struggling with some of the same thoughts.
I can't decide if I want to breastfeed either..especially since I know with twins its going to be all on me to do the feedings...very frequently...plus I didn't think about the added cost of diapers etc. Hmmmm...guess I'd better start doing some research.
Good luck with your decisions...either way I'm sure those kiddos will be happy and healthy! :o)
I already commented but I saw someone ask about bf/bottle at the same time once returning to work. I thought I'd just let you know that what we do is when I am home/off work, I bf B exclusively. While at work, I pump & B takes a bottle of bm. I pump at the same time he eats (as in, every 4 hrs since that's how often he eats). Then when I go back to work he has enough bottles to last him while I am gone. I work 12 hr shifts, and it's a pain to make sure I pump on time (working in EMS makes it difficult). But I've gotten used to it. There are laws for most states that say employers must allow a nursing mother to pump. You have to be allowed to take breaks (other than lunch and already reg. breaks) to pump. Also, they must provide a private place, other than a bathroom, to pump & a place to store the milk. I carry my pump & a cooler with me. You might check out your local laws (you can ask the LC's at the hospital) to see what you are allowed legally.
Good luck with whatever you may decide! Isn't mommy world, pre-birth, just so fun with all the decisions?;-)
I'll go ahead and weigh in. I wanted to breast feed, my milk never came in. It was not from lack of trying. It just didn't work out. I didn't produce enough to feed him. I anguished over the decision to stop trying, and when I did, I felt a giant load had been lifted. Second, I was scared of csection from what others had told me. I havent had V, BUT csections aren't bad. I just had to FORCE myself to work through the pain of the first few days. I HAD TO GET UP and move. If I hadn't, or had listened to nurse dumb bunny, I would have had a much harder recovery. Third, we circumcised BECAUSE I didn't want my lil guy to be different. I just wanted him to be like the other guys. I figured it was hard enough to be a kid, without locker room harassment over wee wee's and such.
All will be fine, and your decisions will be perfect for YOUR KIDDOS! They will be wonderful children!
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