2009 in Review

My Ode to 2009...

2008 was The. Worst. Year. Ever. Or so I hoped as the calendar turned over to 2009. No year could be as bad or worse yet as that, right? In 2008, we turned the corner of 2+ years of TTC with no end in sight and lots of dead ends along the way. 2009 held promise, because we had just discovered that refinancing our home in light of great interest rates might give us the magical(although astronomical) amount needed for IVF to be in our future. So 2009 started with a little hope- more than we had had in a long time.

In January, there were highs and lows. I discovered mitten making with the help of a friend- a much needed outlet for my energy that had kept me fixated on what we didn't have. As an added bonus, I was able to make hundreds of extra dollars to put towards our IVF fund. The last kindergarten teacher besides me got PG; I got blindsided with the news- and I dealt with the devastating blow that I truly was the last one left.

In February, I was able to do something fun, just for me- I took a mini vacation to Orlando and met some of my online IF girls IRL. It was a big risk for me- flying someplace by myself to meet people I had never seen in person before- but I am still so thankful that I took that risk. We also refinanced our house officially, and put the money away for our chance at a baby through IVF in the summer.

In March, my husband and I went on the best vacation I've ever had; both at the time and now looking back- to Jamaica (it was my 5 year anniversary present). We stayed at an all-inclusive adults only resort- the perfect place to get away from all things pregnancy and baby. It was the best medicine ever. I don't know if I would have been in the right frame of mind for the IVF if it wasn't for our Jamaica vacation.

In April and May, I impatiently waited for our chance at a miracle and second-guessed waiting until the summer. I knew, though, that waiting until school was out would be best- so that I could completely focus on doing everything in my power to increase our chance of success. At some point in these months I became at peace with IF and God's plan for us- I knew that we would be ok, no matter what the outcome of the summer would be.

In June, what I knew would be our first and only IVF cycle got underway with a rocky start. It took a longer time to suppress my ovaries, and I was extremely worried that we were doomed before we even really got underway. I started acupuncture to give us the best possible chance.

July was a ridiculously crazy month, which started with a ER the day after the 4th of July and ended with the outcome I barely allowed myself to hope and dream about- the positive HPT. I will remember July for the rest of my life.

August brought even more craziness- as we watched two little heartbeats flicker away on the screen, and the realization of twins took weeks to sink in. PIO shots continued to be a major pain in my butt, literally. It was the hardest physical part of the IVF process, by far.

In September I was able to live out the daydreams I rarely allowed myself to have as we made our news public and we passed 12 weeks. The idea that this was really going to happen sunk in more and more each day. I was so very thankful to have only mild morning sickness, thanks to acupuncture, I believe.

In October I really began to realize that a twin pregnancy can be very different than a singleton pregnancy. My stomach seemed to grow noticeably daily. And just like kids have growing pains with growth spurts, so did I. Debilitating back pain that led me to tears also led me to a physical therapist. At the end of October, we found out that we were having a boy AND a girl, just when I thought it wasn't possible to feel any more blessed.

In November we had our family shower, and the clock seemed to tick even faster as the reality of how much stuff we would need for twins and how much preparation needed to be done sunk in.

In December I continued trying to stay on top of both a demanding job, daily and holiday stresses, money issues and a body that had needs of its own. This juggling act got the best of me when I ended up in the hospital with contractions at 26 weeks. Thankfully, they stopped and have not come back to that degree. The bliss of finally becoming pregnant and the gift of babies in the near future started to get overshadowed by the anxiety of a never ending list of things that need to get done when there's not enough time/bought when there's not enough money/and the time to do it all has a secret end that I won't know until it's here.

2010 has so much promise. 2010 will be the best year ever. 2010 has things in store that I cannot fathom. It is an amazing thing to know and feel like you are on the brink of something so life changing that you cannot truly comprehend it accurately. By the end of 2010, our family will be multiplied by 2.

I will be a mom.