Ack! This Time Next Week...

... My babies will be ONE.

Tonight I couldn't help reminiscing about our life a year ago from now. Looking through pictures on the computer, I can't believe how BIG I was and how little they were! I am amazed I fit behind the steering wheel and I am surprised we didn't break any of their fragile teeny bones.

How on earth did I get from this:

(Seriously, even these pics really don't do the 70 lb gain justice. They also maintained residence in the belly for over a week after these pictures, until forcefully evicted. Please consider yourself privileged to view the never-shown-before 36 week bare belly photo. I had dropped big time. It looks smaller than it really was. )

...back into my old work pants and jeans???

How on earth did Sam and Anna get from these skinny-minnie babies at one week old:

...into these almost toddlers?

(The Picky Sticky stickers from both shots are the same size. Really.)

This turning-one-year-old stuff is harder than I thought. I thought I'd be eagerly awaiting their first birthday with all that Yeah! We made it through a year! mojo, but I'm all woe is me, I want to keep my babies babies forever instead.

Avoiding the Obvious

I haven't felt much like making a post in the last week. I think it's because I don't need to get the school stuff/daycare stuff/dog stuff off my chest or vent about all of it- I just need to spend as much time as possible NOT thinking about it to survive. I've been in a crummy mood. If I created a post, it would have gone something like this:

"Sam and Anna have had a horrible time falling asleep at bedtime lately, which I suspect is because I was at work 3 days last week and they just want to be held by me because they miss me, instead of chillin' alone in their cribs . They've always been pretty good at bedtime sleep until now. On Thursday I had to work from 8 am until 8 pm and Sam was so distraught with my absence that by bedtime, the only way my husband could get him calmed down was to wear a shirt of mine while running the blowdryer. Then Sam woke up at 4 am for his MOTN feeding (which I did- huge mistake) and he didn't want to leave me, so Sam and I hung out on the couch from 4 am until 6:30 am when his sister woke for the day. Since they are resisting bedtime simply because they want to be held, we resorted to full on CIO (cry-it-out) Sunday night out of desperation. We decided the only way to break the cycle was to not hold them. That sucked, but worked. After two days, Sam and Anna are no longer crying/being held off and on for 4 hours after bedtime. I drank a lot of wine, and cursed the fact that I felt the need to pile more upon my plate. Oh, and Sam ate horribly most of the week because he doesn't eat as well for anyone but me.

Work sucked, but I managed, knowing that I would have 5 days in a row to be at home after the 3 days of working. That ended today. Tomorrow school starts. Boo-hoo. It sucks leaving two babies without you that you did everything short of move mountains to get. I don't have enough words for how I feel, and like I said- I do better if I just try to not think about it. So that's all I'm going to say about that

Benelli's days are numbered. My husband is calling the vet tomorrow to see when we can make an appointment to bring him in. This royally sucks because I always said I would take several days off of work when he died, and what teacher can take off the first few days of school? Imagine trying to keep a happy kindergarten teacher smile pasted upon your face when your dog is dying and your two precious miracles are spending their days without you. This might just be my best beginning of school yet.

The combo of all of the above created another anxiety attack Sunday night. This one was a doosy. I might have just found the combo of things that is more than I can handle at one time.

So in short, this week we did CIO, Sam will probably not eat well again, I go back to work full time permanently with co-workers that are not nice people, and we will probably be killing our dog (my first dog). My week is shaping up to be one awesome, stellar week."

Now who wants to think about, type, or read that? So instead, I will share with you my first belly photo from a year ago, and my brave belly shot almost exactly one year to the day later, taken this week. Not too bad, I think. I may have not met my goal of all pregnancy weight lost by the first day of school, but according to my scale last night, I am only 2 pounds away from that. Not too bad at all. (Focusing on the good, focusing on the good...)

5 1/2 months post-partum twin birth at 37 weeks. (Here's a bang photo for you, Kerri)

9 weeks pregnant with twins, sucking the bellah in as much as possible (same pants as the above picture but a different color)

9 weeks pregnant with twins (letting it all hang out)

All Belly Shots

New Belly Shots

31 weeks

32 weeks

33 weeks

Holy cow! (literally???) It's been a long time since I heard the words: "you have such a cute belly." Ah well- I expected it. As my wardrobe continues to shrink, I'm also begining to care a lot less- if it is comfortable, it covers the gargantuan belly, and it is clean- it works. I'm too tired to put any more thought into it than that at this point. One of my co-workers said she thinks I've dropped, but I can't tell. Also- I want to know who voted 34 weeks (!) in the poll- goodness gracious, that's next week! I know that's entirely possible, but still...

Newest Set of Belly Shots

28 weeks

29 weeks (measuring 40 weeks with over 5 lbs of babies in there)

30 weeks! Only 8 more to go!

Belly Shots 25-27 weeks

25 weeks

26 weeks

27 weeks

Wowza... I get even more huge every week! I'm going to spare you the bare belly shots from here on out, because stretch marks made their first appearance this week. It started with two tiny lines under my stomach on Tuesday, then when I woke up this morning there were a couple more... Maybe it's because I'm still measuring 9 weeks ahead according to my OB; my belly is the size of someone pregnant with one baby at 36 weeks right now. I still have my belly button though, thanks to a deep innie to begin with. Interestingly enough, I weighed the same at this appointment as I did 4 weeks ago; still a total gain of 40 lbs. I've noticed my face looks a little fuller, so it's not just in my belly any more though.

Other milestone moments this week, besides stretch marks: I woke up in the middle of the night to what I think are the first hiccups I remember feeling. My crappy sleep might be getting to me, but my little ones can wake me up at any time and I'll still love feeling them move. I also had my glucose test today- I'll find out tomorrow if I didn't pass. I wore and bought my first XL maternity top too- the one in the 27 week picture (so much for the recommendation of buying your pre-pg size). Most of my small and medium pants are still fitting, thank goodness. It is hard to justify buying new maternity clothes when any day could be my last pregnant day . But a girl's got to have more than a shirt or two that fits!

My OB was very laid back and reassuring about the contractions and hospital stay that I had last week- he's not at all concerned about a higher risk for pre-term labor and the babies showing up earlier because I had them. He thinks (as I do) that it was a isolated event. I start OB appointments every other week now that I'm pretty much in the 3rd trimester (according to different sources, the 3rd trimester starts anywhere from the beginning of week 26 to week 28). Our next perinatologist appointment (and u/s) is next week on the 8th. I think that means between the two doctors, I'll pretty much have doctor appointments every week until the twins are here!

Belly shots: 22 weeks - 24 weeks

22 weeks

23 weeks

24 weeks
The bare belly shot

Our first appointment with the perinatologist is tomorrow afternoon. I can't wait for our u/s to see how my little ones have grown!

Updated Belly Shots

19 weeks (a non-maternity shirt)

20 weeks

21 weeks

21 weeks belly shot
When I look back at 16 weeks, I laugh because I look so much smaller back then than I do now... I bet 7 weeks from now, I'll be laughing at how "small" my belly looks right now!

New belly shots

16 weeks

17 weeks

18 weeks

And because I like to leave you with something memorable: the 18 week bare belly shot.

The long awaited belly shots

semi flat bikini belly, pre-IVF (Jamaica, March 2009)

To put it in perspective

9 weeks (when we started belly shots)
And I thought I was getting a belly then!

10 weeks

11 weeks (first week of school- now you know why I look so tired)

12 weeks

14 weeks (we missed 13 weeks- too busy!)
And since the white tank doesn't fit for pictures anymore, my first day wearing a maternity shirt

One more for reference. If this is 14 weeks, what is 28 more weeks going to look like?!?!?