How the Weekend Went

Well, I did survive the weekend. My husband left Friday evening, right before the babies' dinner. That was the first time I fed them solids all by myself (not a big deal, just something we've done together so far). It was totally do-able alone, just harder to keep them from getting food everywhere. We had just started carrots, and Anna hates them with a passion. Sam- he thinks carrots are hilariously delicious. No joke- he laughs and giggles through just about every bite, and carrots have been one of the only food we've tried (besides banana) that he opens his little mouth very wide for.

The evening went fine, even though b.b. (before babies) I would always be exhausted on a Friday night after teaching kindergartners all week, so a.b. (after babies) I am the walking dead on a Friday. Seriously, I am so tired I am physically ill some evenings. Teaching kindergartners full time plus being a full time mommy to twin 6 month olds is like running a marathon every single day, on less than 6 hours of sleep to boot.

Bedtime went okay Friday- it took twice as long to go through all the motions of pjs, books, bottles, etc. so it was tricky to keep a tired baby awake while I fed one and put one to bed first. I actually had to stop feeding Anna mid-bottle and start feeding Sam because Sam was dozing off in our swing, and once he's asleep for bedtime, nothing will wake him up for a long time. (Although all summer long I bottle fed both babies at the same time, I did not do that this weekend. They haven't been tandem fed on boppies since August and since then they have gotten increasingly distracted and wiggly. I chose to fed one at a time to ensure we got good feedings all weekend.)

Night time went okay too- Sam is still getting up once a night to eat, and we're finally considering attempting to wean him from that, since their eating seems to be stabilized and not a concern anymore. Saturday went well- they both took good naps, and we went shopping to break up the day. Sam and Anna are always in good spirits when we go out and about now, I always get compliments from other people at how content and happy they are while I'm shopping. I indulged and got a bunch of outfits for both of them since we're transitioning to 6-9 month clothing. :)

Saturday evening was not the best. Sam woke Anna up mid-night, and it is impossible to get both back to sleep when the other one is fussing/babbling in their crib. Eventually, they did go back to sleep and momma did too. However, their nighttime sleep disruptions impacted their naps the next day, and for the first time in a long time, on Sunday we had short crapnaps only. My husband was planning on being home for bathtime that evening, but because of road construction he was running behind. I ended up giving Anna her bath (Since baths are my husband's bonding time with the babes, I haven't done bathtime since they were newborns). Whew! Boy was I thrilled when he walked in the door and could take over with Sam's bath.

Believe me, by the time he got home I was ready for a baby break. It was nuts solo parenting twin babies for over 48 hours without any help at all. I thought I was busy before- this brought a whole new level to being busy. I did not really sit down all weekend- once they were napping, I ran around trying to eat, do laundry, wash and make bottles, etc. before collapsing in my bed for the night. I don't think I turned on our tv all weekend either.

I know several people who take care of two children while their significant other is gone for a few days. Although I am not dimishing that that would be hard too, two babies the same age is just different. Typically one child can feed themself and walk if you have two children that aren't twins. Often two children will have staggered bedtimes to reflect their ages. Two babies that need the same level of care is totally and utterly exhausting by yourself for an extended period of time. So I feel pretty darn good about being able to successful do it without any mishaps or super stressful points.

One thing I should mention is that a while ago, my mother had mentioned coming to help this weekend. The closer we got to it, she didn't mention it. (I think she forgot) In a way, I didn't want to mention it either, because I was partly hoping she wouldn't come so that I could just have some time with my babies to myself. My mother is kind of exhausting herself- always talking to me and although the help would be nice, I knew I would be craving the downtime by myself when the babies were asleep. I was actually considering thinking of a way to ask her not to come. But, on the other hand, I was slightly irritated that she finked on me. My MIL is coming for the entire week that my husband will be gone next week- my own mother couldn't offer to be here on a weekend that a little help would be nice? Oh, and she is coming in a few weeks for a weekend- because she has two days off of school and wants to come. It's even a little more irritating to me that she'll come when it is convenient for her but not for us. Our fall weekends with all four of us as a family are limited (hunting season and all) and I don't really want her to take one of them up by visiting. But, I am just trying to keep in my head that she's not coming for me, and Sam and Anna will benefit from a little grandma time, even if it isn't what I want.

So overall, things went better than I thought, I was more tired than I thought, and I'm pretty confident I could do it again without issues. My saving grace was that there were no weekdays that I had to get everyone up, ready and out the door before 7 am. When that happens- we all may just sleep in our clothes!

A Vent

You are forewarned, this isn't a pretty post. But I needed to vent a little- if you don't like it, then don't read it (or comment).

I am SO sick of people not understanding that a twin/multiple pregnancy is different. (I know they won't unless they walk in my shoes, but I'm going to vent anyway)

I am sick of my mother trying to treat our pregnancy the same as my brother's (they just had #2 today) to try to be fair (but this is our first and there's two in there and we went through hell to get here and we won't have any more!) Fair doesn't always mean equal.

I am so sick of my co-workers thinking and talking behind my back that I'm making too big of a deal about taking it easy and being too cautious. I'm still teaching at 34 weeks and that's a pretty big feat, I think! I don't complain about how I can't stand longer than 15 minutes without shooting pain in my hips, or how I can't sleep, or how swollen my feet are, or any other daily pain I endure while working. I am sick of them thinking that I should be as mobile as a singleton pregnancy at 34 weeks, even though I've been measuring over 40 weeks since the end of December. I want to tell them: "You try being full term for two months and see how that feels while having twice the hormones and twice the energy sap going into creating two living things!" I am so sick of the jealousy some of them have because a few other people I work with are treating this as a little more special than a typical pregnancy. I know even if I stopped working today without going into labor, there would be lots of comments made about that too.

Urgh! I am just so OVER it.

Thanks for letting me vent. :)

After 6 days of stims...

Things I think are looking good. I lost count of the number of follicles- most were about 14 mm and Dr. S didn't even bother to measure all the smaller ones- just said "and there's a lot a smaller follicles as well." My E2 level was 450 (which to me seems kind of low- but the nurse said it was "rising nicely" from the last E2 level). They also did a progesterone check to see how close I was to triggering, but it was still low. So I will be going back Thursday for more lovely b/w and u/s probing. Before getting the b/w results, Dr. S said he thought we would do the ER on Saturday or Sunday. I'm personally thinking it will be Sunday or even Monday.

I have mixed feelings about doing the retrieval on Saturday (with it being the 4th of July and all). On the one side, it would be really neat to be able to say we knew our child was conceived on that holiday and sooner is always better when it means less needle poking. On the other side, I would like to enjoy the holiday- see fireworks, go to a friend's party, go to a nearby city's festival and I couldn't do that if the ER fell on that day. And, if we triggered on Friday (for a Sunday ER) Saturday would be a shot-free day! It would be so much easier to enjoy the festivities without worrying about that.

I am really trying to put my trust in the doctor and nurses at the clinic. I am a little disappointed that my number of follicles isn't closer to 20- because I know this will be our only IVF, no matter what the outcome is. I am hoping for lots of frosties so that we can do FET's. I have always been an overachiever, so I naturally want my ovaries to follow that as well. I know 16ish is a lot better than 3 or another number less than 16, but I still worry. I am also trying to remember quality is better than quantity. I worry about the E2 level, because it seems too low for 6 days of stims. But I try to convince myself that it has got to be good, because my drug amounts are not being changed (still 250 Follistim and 2.5 Lupron) and they would be adjusted if something needed to be tweaked.

On to another topic: my mom. I have mentioned before how she has failed to realize the level of support I need from her as we go through this exceptionally difficult time. Last week my parents went camping, to a place they go every year. This year they decided to go for a full week instead of an extended weekend. I was really hurt and bothered by the fact that my mom knew the suppression was taking longer and that if by Wednesday I had not been suppressed, I would be delayed until the next cycle- but still went to a place where she could not call me to find out the news or provide adequate support. They got home on Sunday. She did not call until 2 pm on Monday. She then spent the first 5 minutes of the phone call telling about their week. I had decided that I would honestly tell her how hurt I was and that I needed more support from her. So I did. I thought I got my message across and I think she understood where I was coming from. She felt badly, and I thought putting it out there helped.

Then I called her after I got the b/w information yesterday to tell her the latest update and that we were potentially looking at a ER for this weekend. Guess what? My parents are going for an extended camping trip this weekend too. She said they are going to leave Thursday morning and come back Monday. She made a point of saying that she's never gotten cell reception from where they are camping, so she is pretty sure she won't be able to call. (never mind that if they drove 20 minutes down the road, I am pretty sure she could get reception!) I was so flabbergasted, I was speechless. Since my next appointment is Thursday morning, that means she won't even know when I am actually having the egg retrieval. She won't even be able to call afterwards to see how it went.

For crying out loud! If SHE was having minor surgery this weekend- I KNOW I would make sure to call right afterwards to see how it went. I've never been under anesthesia or had an IV- so wouldn't YOU think my mother should be around to call???

I thought what I said to her on the phone the other day got through to her. It obviously did not. So I didn't even try to bring it up again after she told me they would be gone this weekend too. What's the point to put myself out there if it isn't going to change anything? I am still hurt and it is causing me stress at a time when I need to eliminate as much stress as possible. So right after I hung up, I called and made an appointment for a massage tomorrow to make myself better and to relieve some of the stress she has caused me. I swear, my mother has not earned any brownie points this month- or earned a Mother-of-the-Year award at all.