Thankful.

I've tried to compose this post in my head while I'm driving or in the shower; blowdrying or flat ironing my hair (the way posts usually come about for me) and I get caught up in the right words every time. I just can't put into words how thankful I am this year. I thought I was extremely thankful last year- but now I realize I was mostly thankful for what was to come and the closure of where I had come from. Now I am thankful for what is.

Today is Sam and Anna's In and Out Day. (I don't know if this is a generally accepted day or if it has a generally accepted name, but I'm calling it that.) It has been 37 weeks 2 days since Sam and Anna's Birth Day. Sam and Anna were 37 weeks 2 days gestationally old when they were born. That means they were in as long as they have been out in the world. How perfectly fitting that this days falls on Thanksgiving. I am so very thankful for the 37 weeks and 2 days that I was able to experience them in me. I am so very thankful for the past 37 weeks and 2 days that I have been able to hold them in my arms. And I am so very thankful for all the weeks and days to come that they will continue to be a part of my life.

There are no words to adequately describe the thankfulness in my heart. I am so very thankful for the miracles in my life. I am more blessed than anyone in the world that I was chosen to be their mother. And beyond that, I am at a loss for words.

One of the Best Gifts Ever

When I walked to my mailbox a week or so ago, I found an unexpected package from my dear internet friend and fellow IF blogger, Carli. I have been meaning to get to this post because her generosity and the thought she put into this gift seriously made me speechless... and it even made me cry.

We called Baby B (Sam) "Little Bean" and Baby A (Anna) "Sweet Pea" from the moment we knew there were two fetuses. I had a feeling even at 6 weeks that Baby A was a girl and Baby B was a boy. And I was right! I still use these names as nicknames for my little ones.

Here's a close up of the IVF onesie, with accurate prices for our IVF cycle:

Can you get any more perfect than that? Once Sam and Anna fit into them, I think I should take a picture of them in their IVF onesies and send the picture to my RE!

Love From a Blogger Friend

A week or so ago I got a wonderful and so sweet package in the mail from my blogger friend Courtney. It was so unexpected and so incredibly kind of her, that I had to share on here and publicly thank her! Courtney is currently PUPO after IVF #3, and counting away the days until her beta. If you have a chance, visit her blog and give her some support while she waits! Thank you for being such a good blog friend Courtney!

Something good for a change

I don't want my last two icky posts touching my awesome news that I'm anticipating to post tomorrow, so I thought I'd thank Melissa, Michelle, Tammy, Mrs. Hammer and Jess today for giving me the One Lovely Blog Award!

The rules of the “One Lovely Blog Award” are: Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link. Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

1. Carli
2. meinsideout
3. Hope in Virginia
4. Little Bean???
5. JB
6. Stacey
7. Andrea
8. Erin
9. Tabitha
10. Elaine
11. Sarah
12. But A Moment
13. Mrs. Hammer
14. Baby To Be
15. Anna
(I cheated a little- some of these are semi-new. I figure that's good enough, right?)

My brother has not emailed me back yet. I'm not so sure he will- and I have no clue what he may have thought about my words. Thanksgiving may be a little interesting this year- ha. My mother DID call me Wednesday night to tell me they arrived at their camping destination and that she did have cell reception at that point, so she anticipates having reception on Friday. She did not mention our all-out fight this weekend. That's her style though: brush it all under the rug, internalize your hurt, and don't talk about unpleasantness. She did also send me a baby sweater in the mail today that she made. This of course, reduced me to tears, because my mom has been crocheting baby sweaters for every shower gift I've given for years. This sweater is for my very own baby- something I wasn't sure would ever happen. I know it is her peace offering, but again no mention of any of the words we exchanged in her note at all. I know I will need to decide whether I will let her avoid the conflict or if I bring it up again. Do I give in and just be resigned to the fact that I am never going get what I need from my mother? Do I stay true to myself and honestly voice my feelings- opening up those wounds wide open again? This is something I will deal with later- right now I am trying to focus on the most important thing in my life: my baby(ies). Less than 12 hours to go until our first u/s at 6 weeks 5 days. I'm praying so fervently that it supersedes the day I saw two pink lines as the best day of my life.

I also want to extend a HUGE heartfelt thanks for all of the caring and thoughtful comments left for me this week. They brought me to tears more than once. I do not know what I would have done without the internet IF world during the time in my life marked with our IF struggles. Jake tells me often that he is so glad that I have this supportive outlet. So thank you from my husband as well. Your support means the world to us.