Out of my control

So I am realizing how much of a control freak I really am. What I don't have control of, I like to have complete knowledge about. It is driving me insane not being completely well informed about what's going on in my body and what exactly it means. I know reproduction has to do with biology and biology is not really an exact science because every body is different- but seriously, where is the internet site that tells you exactly how many follicles I should have cookin' after 2 days of stims (and the table that shows every day of stims thereafter) that qualify as "average" "good" "excellent"... or "below average???" Then, where is the table that states what the E2 level should be to correspond to the appropriate follicle count and size??? As a bonus, a table that showed the % likelihood of IVF success based on those factors would a nice addition. I need to know if I am supposed to be thrilled, satisfied, or disappointed, or some gray area between those emotions when knowing my numbers!

After my OBGyn debacle at the beginning of our TTC efforts (yes, I can confidently say I DO know more about reproduction and issues surrounding reproduction than my ex-OBGyn, even if she has the market cornered on all the other areas) I just can't completely trust a doctor or nurse with my fertility. They all say it "looks good" and the longer suppression won't affect the success, but how do I know if they are just placating me??? In the back of my head, I remember my ex-OBGyn stating in April 2007- that she was sure she would see me back PG before my next appointment with her in July of 2007. Obviously THAT didn't happen. She also thought our issues were with me, not him- and the precedent was set for my mistrust of doctors from there on out. It has only been in the last year or so that I realize how much time was wasted on the 8 months of unmonitored Clomid I took... for 0% morphology, and how it could have all been different if I knew more at the time. I don't want the same mistake to happen again.

It doesn't help that I have not seen my RE in the last week and a half. All the times I was going back for just the E2 b/w, I didn't see him. He was supposed to do my u/s today and I had a long list of questions- but it turns out he had kidney stones and needed surgery this morning. I felt even less confident about getting an accurate answer from the nurses. I'm also not as confident in the nurse's measuring ability on the u/s- what if she missed one (or several) of my lovely follicles?

Dr. S should be there on Sunday when I head back after 4 days of stims... which is good, because my list of questions is getting even longer for him. Let's hope he has satisfying answers to each one, because the lack of knowledge is killing me over here.

I need a drink. But alas, I gave up alcohol for the IVF and I've already eaten WAY too much ice cream in the last two weeks...