This big bed business times two is not for the faint hearted. I had a feeling it wouldn't be easy, but I had hoped that within a few days it would adjust to being better than the crib fiasco we had started having at bedtime before the big beds arrived: the goofing off, climbing in to each other's cribs, pulling on the curtains crap.
One week in, and nighttime isn't any easier. Anna likes to pull back her curtain and watch the world go by when she's supposed to be sleeping. That's minor though. We unfortunately had someone ring our doorbell during the first time we attempted sleep in the new beds, and Sam instantly got up to see who was here. Now we can't keep him in his bed. He always gets up. Putting his crib back up isn't an option though, because he can scale the sides with his sleep sack on now. Our nights consist of hours of putting him back to bed, and sometimes eventually laying with him or holding him so he will fall asleep.
That means that my so called "free-time" (if you want to refer to my child-less time to get stuff done, like laundry, clean, blog, work, etc. as that) is non-existent. Last night, for example, I laid with Sam and got up at 10 pm (I had fallen asleep while in his room). I'm really feeling stretched to my limit in that I don't have time to get anything done now- because I'm either at work or taking care of my awake children or asleep myself every hour of the day.
The good thing is (since it helps to find something good about crappy situations) that Sam still doesn't get out of bed during nap time at daycare so our bed woes seem limited to home.
Dear universe: How on earth can we get our troublesome twosome to fall asleep in their beds easily without getting up or needing parental intervention???
***Editted to add:
We did reverse the lock Sam's bedroom door, so we can lock him in (because he can open childproof door locks and unlock the regular lock on the door himself). A baby gate won't work as he has scaled that thing since he was an itty bitty baby. This kid was climbing out of pack and plays since 9 months old- the ONLY thing that helped us keep him from doing the same with his crib was wearing a sleep sack so his legs couldn't get separated enough to climb over and that bought us enough time to make to to 2 1/2 years old.
Also, every night it is something new. We've tried leaving the door open a bit so he doesn't feel so alone in the dark (as I'm guessing is a big issue for him, because, remember: up until a week ago he had never slept alone. I think it is understandable for him to have a little bit of difficulty in this transition to being alone in his bedroom with the door closed at night. We give him 3 chances to stay in bed with the door open a crack before locking the door closed, but after locking it, he becomes hysterical, and I can't do "cry-it-out" with a 2 1/2 year old crying at his bedroom door for his mama- I just can't when I can empathize how scary it must feel for him to be alone in the dark with Anna now in her own room. I give it awhile, then go back in and give him another chance to stay in bed, which usually does it, but he's still so wound up that he moves all over his bed and cannot go to sleep on his own. I'm sure he would eventually, but we're talking probably 10 pm and he needs to get woken up at 7 am on weekdays. That just isn't enough sleep.
There was one night of the past week where it was near text book- he went to sleep with minimal fuss. Tonight he only needed us to go in once. BUT he's still falling asleep much later than I'd like. Back to the every time is something new: one night he said he'd pooped, one night he needed to go potty, one time he decided to poop and then got poop on his comforter (ew). Or his pillow drops on the floor and he cries for us to pick it up, or he wants to get re-tucked back in, or ..., or ...., or.....
But one more good thing!: I can say that once asleep, we have no issues with either child- so that's something! They both sleep through the night just as they did B.B.- Before Beds. :)
Maybe I just need to be more patient and realize that it has only been one week. I just miss the days when my babes fell asleep quickly at bedtime with no fuss, and took almost 4 hour long naps in the afternoons. Those were the days....
5 comments:
I'm sure this is so hard to do with two! I got relatively lucky with K. We've had a couple tough nights recently with her getting up 5-8 times per night and coming to us to be tucked in again, but overall things have been smooth. I think the basic rule is to keep interaction to a minimum after bedtime and to just keep putting the kid back into bed if he/she gets up.
I took some notes on the section in 1-2-3 Ma.gic about sleep:
"Bedtime and nighttime waking. Basic bedtime method = stick to set bedtime for kids. Might vary depending on school night or weekend, or during summer. Exceptions should be rare. 30 min before bedtime, set timer for 30min and tell kid is time to get ready for bed – must do everything needed to prepare for bed on her own and report to you (eg PJs, brush teeth, take bath/shower, etc). If child is 2-4, help her get ready, but same rewards and consequences will apply. Prais child for efforts and ensure she did everything. Whatever time is left is time for the two of you – read a story, sit and talk. Stay in the bedroom and don’t do anything overly exciting or energetic. Don’t lie down on the bed. At 9pm, tuck kid in, kiss goodnight, leave the room.
If kids get out of bed, sit in chair in doorway, and if kid gets up, say nothing after bedtime and keep putting kid back in bed. Face away from child. If child over 5/6, may be able to use charting, but not ideal as have delay between behavior and feedback.
Nighttime waking: Accept some periodic waking as normal (temporary). No talking and no emotion – discuss nightmares the next day (kid will likely have forgotten anyhow). Assume child may have to pee and steer to bathroom (ask if he has to pee only if he’s been accurate). Be gentle and quiet so as to not wake them up more. Don’t turn on the lights. Don’t go to the child’s room unless they’re really upset or won’t quiet down (let them fuss and go back to sleep on their own if they can). Don’t let the kid sleep with you on a regular basis. If needs to pee, will remain squirmy, and later, may not get him back to his room without a tantrum. If there’s a terrible storm outside, let kids sleep on the floor next to your bed with sleeping bags and pillows. If child protests lots when you try to leave again, sit in chair by bed till he’s asleep. Then gradually start moving chair farther from bed, using each new position for 3-4 days. Eventually will end up outside door where you can’t be seen, and can sniff/move to let kid know you’re there without talking. If child consistently waking early, can make bedtime later if child doesn’t need so much sleep. Use basic bedtime method. Ensure room isn’t getting too much sunlight too early. Take child to pee and try putting back to bed. If that fails, train her to play in her room instead of waking you, possibly through a combination of charting and 1-2-3. Chart playing by herself and not waking anyone – give child a score and praise for a good job immediately when you get up. If she comes in at 5:30, say “go back to bed, that’s 1”. Continue to count out and escort back to room without talking or emotion if necessary. Consider pain as a cause of night waking too – have child looked at if necessary.
If it’s bedtime and kid’s not ready, put him in bed with clothes on. If is only 2-3, YOU put PJs on. Don’t lecture about what he should have done. Floor fans/white noise may help some kids go to sleep and stay asleep."
Hopefully that'll make some sense as I was paraphrasing (DH too uninterested to read the whole book himself, so I got it down to a 13 page summary).
Hopefully things will get better soon. I did refuse to lie down and go to sleep with K as I think that might end up with a bad habit later on. One week in, I'd think you're still ok. We did also get a GroClock so we could tell her (not that it works great so far) to not get out of bed until the sun is up on her clock.
Good luck!
Sounds awful! I'm glad the sleep sack still keeps Noah in his crib. He doesn't even attempt to climb out while he's wearing it. If we had to switch to a big boy bed right now he would for sure be just like your kids.
Not sure if this is an option but can you put the childproof doorknob things on the door so Sam can't open the door and come out! We had to do that with one of ours when he started fighting us horribly to go to bed. We have a video monitor in his room. What we used to do was tuck him in and then leave after a few mins of laying down. We could watch MC on the monitor to see what he was doing. He couldn't get out but as long as he wasn't destroying his room, we let him be. Eventually he stopped fighting it and now stays in his bed. He still waits for one of us to come get him in the morning.
Ugh, I feel for you. I really do. We transitioned our twins to toddler beds at 18 months. My son was climbing out and my daughter was trying to copy. I was afraid they were going to hurt themselves.
Check out some of my posts in August/September, 2011 and again in March/April, 2012.
Basically, we had to sleep train again. We put a baby gate in the bedroom door and would go back in to the bedroom in increasing increments to put the kids back in bed. It's hard to keep your cool but you have to do it. I literally went back in 20 times one night. Just walk in calmly, escort him/her back to bed, tuck them in and leave. Try to limit talking. I would generally say, "It's bedtime, not play time".
I definitely wouldn't recommend staying in the room. I learned the hard way. Chris would fall asleep and then wake up in the middle of the night when I wasn't there. Once I realized what was happening and stopped, it escalated to him having a meltdown when I left the room at bedtime.
I also used to play lullabies and I stopped doing that for awhile. I read that it can create issues with children soothing themselves back to sleep. If the music stops and they depend on it, they can't go back to sleep.
Hopefully some of these tips help. Please keep us updated. And, good luck! :)
THose were the days...
In my limited experience and from what I have heard from my friends with older kids is that it is just a phase. I know Matteo does better with a bright night light in his room. He always sleeps with a few books and sometimes a stuffed animal in his bed too for comfort. Getting up was never really a problem for him but some times especially at naps he will literally yell for us until he falls asleep... Awesome, I tell you. We have set up consequences and sometime talk to him through our monitor. It has an intercom feature. Here's to hoping it is a quick phase and the next phase is a challenging in a little less exhausting way.
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