Coincidence? I think not.

My student teacher started last week in my classroom and so far things are going swimmingly. It seems like we have a good balance- similar personality traits, work ethics, and we can hold long conversations pretty effortlessly. I am so glad this will probably be a superb experience for both of us. And I am excited for the next eight weeks more that she will be in my room!

Something she mentioned last week caught my attention. She has a five year old adopted son, and a two year old biological son. Hmmmm... is it possible to have "IF-dar?" If so, I think I've got it. Questions began forming in my head, but I wanted to give it a while before testing the waters. We did, after all, just begin working together. Then she mentioned having a daughter that died. Hmmmm... more flags raised. She didn't name this daughter to me, and it made me wonder.

Well, today she openly shared her IF story, and so I decided to share mine with her as well. (Being in the IF closet is exhausting. It's so hard hiding it from people around you. So lately I haven't been hiding as much. With the exception of one co-worker I really don't mind sharing our IF with anyone. Now, I'm not ready to announce it on faceb00k or anything... but if someone asked, I'd be honest. So I felt it was appropriate to reciprocate with her.)

Here's her abbreviated story: She and her husband had TTC for 3 years (coincidence #1- same as us!) and conceived their daughter through fertility treatments. The daughter was born at 24 weeks. She lived for five days. Then they decided to adopt (from an agency that I also have information from- coincidence #2) and was able to adopt a newborn in only 6 weeks. They were able to be there for the delivery. (Now here's the interesting part of that: guess what one of my biggest concerns about adoption is? Waiting forever to get a baby. coincidence #3) 3 years later they naturally conceived their biological child.

Ever since IF graced our doorstep, I have tried to look for signs of God's plan for us. Signs of what the right step is for us to take. What should I make of this? I think I can look at it two ways:

1. My student teacher had no problems whatsoever talking about babies, giving birth, or her struggles with me or my co-teachers today. I have not even come close to having gone through the depth of challenges she faced trying to have children. She was able to heal, accept, move on and live her life. Is God trying to tell me that my greatest fear- that I will never get past these icky IF emotional issues- is not necessary? That I will be ok, just like she is? That one day I will be able to talk about babies and giving birth and be around babies without this ever present pit in my stomach? Jake keeps reassuring me that it will go away. I'm not convinced yet.

and/or:

2. Is the right direction for us adoption? I have an adopted student in my room this year... this summer I met a teacher that is currently pursuing adoption... is this God's neon sign for me that adoption is the right path for us? If that's it, then in my heart I know that I am not ready for that yet. But maybe God is laying the groundwork for what's to come.

This is long, I know. Still with me? Good.

IF is frustrating. It is hard to understand. It makes you wonder over and over why??? I don't know the reason my student teacher ended up in my world at this point in my life. But I know one thing for sure: God has a plan for us. And I know that what He has in store for us is even better than we can imagine. I can't wait to experience it.