Mama Confessions Part 2

I have a confession to make:  My twin toddlers are over 2 years old, and I still don't have this juggling act down.  It's hard to balance the working-full time kindergarten teacher me (which is more than a 40 hour a week job), with the mama me, with the wife me, and the ME me.  I still don't feel like I've got it figured out.  It feels like no matter what I do, I'm shortchanging somebody.  And nobody is getting 100% of what I want to give them.  If I stay late at school to dig myself out of the huge to-do list there, I feel guilty about leaving Sam and Anna at daycare longer.  If I stay up later to get something done at home, I'm short-changing myself and getting too little sleep to function well.  And often I'm too tired to give adequately of myself all the way around.  My only reprieve is the summertime, when I can hang up my teacher hat for a few months and rebalance a little bit better.

I want to be a great mom, a great teacher, a great wife and a put together me all at the same time.  Some days it feels like that just isn't possible. 

My co-teacher reminded me that women today are doing things in a way that wasn't happening before.  Besides working outside the home (this isn't meant to be a SAHM vs. WAHM debate- I am not going there), there just isn't the family support that used to exist.  I know that due to distance, we personally face a harder path because Grandmas and Grandpas or other relatives aren't there to help most of the time.  99% of the time, my husband and I are fielding things on our own (when not at work). 

The ever onslaught of technology in today's world is a huge time-suck too.  I feel badly if I'm way behind in uploading pictures on face.book, or on our shutter.fly share site for the out-of-state grandparents, or even if I've been absent in posting on my blog.  Stuff that wasn't even conceivable to have on the to-do list a few short years ago.  I wander onto pinterest in the evenings when I'm too tired to do anything else but sit on the couch, and I am reminded of what all the other stellar parents are doing with their kids, or what all the phenomenal kindergarten teachers are using to educate their students. 

I  read this article the other day, and it spoke to me.  If you haven't read it yet, I highly suggest you do.  I don't have magnetic, alphabetized spice containers, the only parties I host are the birthday sort for 2 year olds so garden parties thematically accessorized with butterfly lanterns aren't even in my dreams, and I overcook mac and cheese so bunny buns make me sarcastically laugh out loud.  I may occasionally make blogs posts with things I do with Sam and Anna that are from pinterest... but realistically speaking here, I have a teaching license that thousands of dollars later says I should be able come up with that kind of stuff to do with anyone's kids; not just my own.  When Anna's hair was in those cute french braided pigtails, it was made possible by Sesame Street youtube videos.  I may shower every day, but I rock the same sweatshirt every weekend and the no-work days sans make-up are becoming more and more common.

My mom didn't dream up bunny pancakes or have me stick pipe cleaners into colanders though... and I think I turned out okay.  What my mom did do that I remember?  Not the fantastically packed rainy day box in our camper, but coloring with my mom on rainy days.  Riding on her bike.  Normal activities that we did together, not something that I did on my own with cool stuff like water beads.

So the next night I'm too tired to whip out the paints and simply let Sam and Anna pretend to tuck me to sleep with Elmo on the couch... I'm not going to feel guilty.   When I forget that the water beads have been hiding for a few days and we just run around outside before dinner, I'm going to be okay with that.  I need to remember that those times are important too.

Mommy Confessions

I confess that, although I never used to leave the house without makeup on, there were two days last week alone that I ran errands without putting makeup on all day.  In my defense, one of these occasions was to make it to the pediatrician 15 minutes after making the appointment and it is a 10 minute drive there.  (I made it on time. Sam does not have another ear infection, so it was an unnecessary trip.)

I confess that the level of cleanliness in my home is very different than it was pre-kids, and I would not invite you in the front door without some frantic cleaning beforehand.  I justify this with telling myself that Sam and Anna don't care and they would rather play with me, anyway.

I confess that I picked up food I dropped on the floor more than once today, and gave it to my children, which they ate.  5 second rule, right?

I confess that I'm more judgemental about other people's parenting practices than I should be.

I confess that I'm not really improving very much on eliminating swearing from my vocabulary.  It's a mystery to me why I can at work, but not at home.

I confess that although I love all the extra time I'm spending with my cherubs this summer, I might have just swore a little to myself when they woke up super early from a nap today.

And now I feel just a little bit better. :)