I have a confession to make: My twin toddlers are over 2 years old, and I still don't have this juggling act down. It's hard to balance the working-full time kindergarten teacher me (which is more than a 40 hour a week job), with the mama me, with the wife me, and the ME me. I still don't feel like I've got it figured out. It feels like no matter what I do, I'm shortchanging somebody. And nobody is getting 100% of what I want to give them. If I stay late at school to dig myself out of the huge to-do list there, I feel guilty about leaving Sam and Anna at daycare longer. If I stay up later to get something done at home, I'm short-changing myself and getting too little sleep to function well. And often I'm too tired to give adequately of myself all the way around. My only reprieve is the summertime, when I can hang up my teacher hat for a few months and rebalance a little bit better.
I want to be a great mom, a great teacher, a great wife and a put together me all at the same time. Some days it feels like that just isn't possible.
My co-teacher reminded me that women today are doing things in a way that wasn't happening before. Besides working outside the home (this isn't meant to be a SAHM vs. WAHM debate- I am not going there), there just isn't the family support that used to exist. I know that due to distance, we personally face a harder path because Grandmas and Grandpas or other relatives aren't there to help most of the time. 99% of the time, my husband and I are fielding things on our own (when not at work).
The ever onslaught of technology in today's world is a huge time-suck too. I feel badly if I'm way behind in uploading pictures on face.book, or on our shutter.fly share site for the out-of-state grandparents, or even if I've been absent in posting on my blog. Stuff that wasn't even conceivable to have on the to-do list a few short years ago. I wander onto pinterest in the evenings when I'm too tired to do anything else but sit on the couch, and I am reminded of what all the other stellar parents are doing with their kids, or what all the phenomenal kindergarten teachers are using to educate their students.
I read this article the other day, and it spoke to me. If you haven't read it yet, I highly suggest you do. I don't have magnetic, alphabetized spice containers, the only parties I host are the birthday sort for 2 year olds so garden parties thematically accessorized with butterfly lanterns aren't even in my dreams, and I overcook mac and cheese so bunny buns make me sarcastically laugh out loud. I may occasionally make blogs posts with things I do with Sam and Anna that are from pinterest... but realistically speaking here, I have a teaching license that thousands of dollars later says I should be able come up with that kind of stuff to do with anyone's kids; not just my own. When Anna's hair was in those cute french braided pigtails, it was made possible by Sesame Street youtube videos. I may shower every day, but I rock the same sweatshirt every weekend and the no-work days sans make-up are becoming more and more common.
My mom didn't dream up bunny pancakes or have me stick pipe cleaners into colanders though... and I think I turned out okay. What my mom did do that I remember? Not the fantastically packed rainy day box in our camper, but coloring with my mom on rainy days. Riding on her bike. Normal activities that we did together, not something that I did on my own with cool stuff like water beads.
So the next night I'm too tired to whip out the paints and simply let Sam and Anna pretend to tuck me to sleep with Elmo on the couch... I'm not going to feel guilty. When I forget that the water beads have been hiding for a few days and we just run around outside before dinner, I'm going to be okay with that. I need to remember that those times are important too.
9 comments:
Hi! I've read your blog for a while (even when you were trying to get pregnant, I experienced infertility too). I had to comment today though after reading this post. I can totally relate! I am also a teacher, have a two year old and I'm a wife! I am always thinking about how one of my roles is getting neglected, or how I should be doing more in one of those areas. It's a really tough position to be in. I just tell myself that I'm doing the best that I can, but it is hard. I guess it's nice to know I'm not the only one that feels this way.
Here's to a few more weeks of school and then being stay at home moms for a few months! :)
Amen. While reading this post, I kept thinking I needed to send you the link to that article and then I saw you posted it. It's so fitting and so true. Also, sometimes even other blogger moms (particularly the crafty ones) make me feel like I should be doing MORE, but then I remember: this is the side of their parenting they're choosing to present to the outside world. And it isn't always rosy and perfect. For anyone. We all struggle to find balance. At the end of the day, I know it means more to my kid if I sit down and play Matchbox cars with him than if I perfect the most realistic looking Mickey Mouse pancake and then post it all over Facebook and my blog.
I read that article a couple of weeks ago and loved it. I am the OPPOSITE of a pinterest mom. I have never even had a themed birthday party for Noah. And sometimes just reading the blogs about how everyone else made cute barnyard or Elmo-shaped snacks for their kid's birthday parties makes me feel like crap.
That article reminded me that that stuff DOESN'T MATTER, and I don't need to waste my time doing it, or feel guilty about NOT doing it.
I can only imagine the stress of working full time while having children. I'm sure you're doing a much better job that you feel like you're doing!
OH how I can relate! You know it!
Actually, most if the time I think you are pretty much AMAZING and almost superhuman. So, I love It when you get real like this. :)
I mean, you know... I still think you are amazing but it makes me feel less inadequate when you confess that it's a juggle.
Blech. I hope that comes across ok!
Amen to this!!!! I was feeling that pressure too when I started incorperating some structured learning into LB's day. When I'd look at pinterest/blogs for ideas, I would find myself SO overwhelmed and feeling like I could NEVER live up to those standards because...seriously, I don't have the time (nor do I want to make the time) to be "extra crafty" :) I had to realize what MY goal was in doing "learning time" with LB. And it was to do some fun activities with Letters - that is all! I stick to EASY prep and fun! :) If it doesn't fit those two criteria I move right along on pinterest with NO guilt! :) Thanks for posting this because you are absolutely correct about our children just wanting TIME with US! They don't need bells and whistles and crafty crafts!
This is the 1st time I am reading your blog & so glad to know that I am not alone in the feeling of the juggling act. Thank you!
Keep being the best Mom, wife and self that you can be! I think you are doing a great job and just checking in with your work/life balance shows that, too. There is a Maya Angelou quote that I love. She said, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” The best moments can be found in the simplest sometimes...enjoy them.
I haven't read that article before (and I dont' have time now as I've been killing time on the internet for wayyy too long this morning already =) ), but I just wanted to tell you I wrote something similar earlier this week. I remember we both wrote something similar -both to this and to each other- when the twins were around 9 months or so...seems like we experience some of the same seasons =)
I've been trying to incorporate more structured learning (through play) into our days, and I've been getting a lot of ideas from Pinterest. Through doing this, I've noticed a couple of things:
1. It seems that sometimes I tend to not be as creative, b/c I'm just using borrowed ideas. And I am creative, if I just sit down and think a bit! So---I've tried to brainstorm some ideas BEFORE I hit up Pinterest for more ideas.
2. Pinterest can absolutely make me feel inadequate if I'm not coordinating a craft at least once a day. I find myself beginning to believe the lie that I don't measure up, that I'm not a good mama. That what I do facilitate for the girls, through crafting and play, isn't enough. That is such a lie. I AM a good mama. I AM doing enough. I don't have to be a super-mama. I find myself needing that reminder.
Great article, and great thoughts, Katie.
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