I will probably be a little MIA for a while- and the reason makes me so sad. School starts on September 1st, and our school-wide Open House and inservice days are two weeks before that, so that means I need to start setting up my room and getting ready for the year. I was able to pick up my keys today.
I had a anxiety attack yesterday thinking about everything that I've got going on and need to do in less than month. I ended up calling my husband and asking him to come home early because I was such a mess after I struggled through yet another poor feeding with Sam and Anna thinking about everything. They won't start daycare full time until September 20th, but they will start going 1 day a week beginning next week. It causes me a phenomenal amount of stress to think about how their feedings will go with someone else taking the reins. I know my babies better than anyone else. I work so hard at getting them to eat as much as possible- I know what tricks work best, I know how to get them most in them- and this all varies bottle to bottle. I often say it is an Olympic sport to feed Sam and Anna (I'm still waiting for my gold medal). It scares me to no end that their eating will be drastically reduced, and they will start to lose weight on a regular basis.
There's a reason I have not mentioned much about daycare on here, I think I've been in denial and trying to push it as far from my mind as possible. Besides their special challenges, like any mom that works out of the home, I know I'm going to miss them so much, my heart will ache. I have spent almost 6 months of their life with them every day- the most I was gone from them was about 3 hours long, twice. It makes me tear up to think of the possibility that they will smile for someone else most of the day, and have firsts (like first time sitting up, first word, etc.) when I'm not there. I also know these thoughts are not original. These thoughts on top of the thoughts of concern for their health literally make me physically ill though.
Now add on top of that, the stress there always is for a elementary teacher at the beginning of the school year. Unless you've been in that position, you can not comprehend the amount of things that need to be done and get ready (most often on your own time) in a short time frame. The state of my room today made me almost cry by itself. There's a lot of cleaning and organizing that I'll need to make time for that the sub didn't do. Plus, I often use the end of the school year to prep some things for the fall, and since I wasn't there, that didn't get done either.
Needless to say, I'm a mess. My to-do list is so long, it would rival Santa's gift list. I need a 48 hour day... or the ability to forgo sleep for a week. My posts will probably be few and far between, and pretty brief. Wish us luck in this next big transition of Sam and Anna's lives!
8 comments:
My GOODNESS girl, I got goosebumps (in a bad way) reading this post. First of all, I am/was also an elementary school teacher, so I know the VAST amount of work that needs to get done before the school year starts. I used to have little panic attacks in August thinking about everything that had to get done and how in the world I was going to do it all.
Add to that the fact that you have twin 5 month olds. I've also got a 5 month old, so I shudder at the thought.. how are you supposed to get it all done with ONE baby, nevermind TWO? I've been thinking about this for the past week, since it's almost the time that I would normally be going back to work.
And I am so sad for you about Sam and Anna going to daycare. The idea of it makes me feel sick too, so I feel awful for you that you're going through the reality. And you're right, Mommy knows best. You know all the tricks and can read your kids in seconds to see what's going to work "this time" and what's not. Not even the Dad's can do it that well.
(((HUGS))) I'm thinking of you during this stressful time!
Sounds like you are way overwhelmed. Hugs your way. I know it must be so difficult to think about leaving your babies...sounds like a good idea to start with one day a week. Bet you'll be surprised at how well they'll adapt.
In regards to getting ready for school, what I always do when I have a to do list that I think will NEVER get done is to start with a daily to do list. Forget about the long list, just have the items that you need to get accomplished each day. Then check those off. You'll feel a great sense of accomplishment without having the mile long list burdening you down. Just a suggestion. Good luck!
Hope the beginning of the year is smooth for you. :)
I want to cry for you! I can't imagine trying to give someone else the responsibility of feeding Lexi. It would definitely be stressful. Hopefully the day care you send them too is willing to work with you. I wonder if they would be open to watching a feeding that you do and if they know the special circumstances maybe they will give them a little extra time to eat if needed. GL! I'll be praying for your whole family through this transition.
Good luck getting through the day care days and all the prep work. It sounds exhausting!
I'm soooo sorry you're feeling stressed. I sure wish I lived closer so I could help. Thinking of you! (((HUGS)))
I can only imagine how much you are dreading this. We will miss your updates, but I would rather you find a little time to hang out with Sam and Anna (and sleep!) than get a daily update.
Good luck getting everything done for school.
i can't imagine having to not only go back to work, but have to do all the extra work to get your classroom ready too! and then add to it the stress of your lil ones going to daycare and eating right. i hope your anxiety goes down soon. huge hugs! xo.
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