Today marks the last day of National Infertility Awareness Week 2011. To recap our history, my husband and I tried to conceive for over 3 years before a door opened for us and we were able to undergo one IVF cycle. We gambled and won the jackpot by being blessed with the family we always wanted (2 children) that for too long we questioned would ever happen. While I do not consider myself "infertile" any longer, infertility will always be a part of who I am. It has shaped and molded my life into something that would not have existed without its influence.
Infertility robbed me of 3 years of happiness at the beginning of my marriage. Infertility ate away at relationships with family members and others that I cared about. Infertility made it difficult for me to form relationships at my workplace and do my job at my fullest potential. Infertility shook my body to its very core and shattered my emotional well being. Infertility made me question the worth of my life.
Going through the pain of infertility is something that no one can comprehend unless they've lived it. It is devastating on so many levels- how it affects your thoughts and dreams, how it affects every relationship you have: whether with your spouse, parents, siblings, other relatives, friends, co-workers and every other acquaintance from your neighbor to your church family. It's a medical condition that is not often validated by the general population which just spirals the devastating effects of its vicious ways.
In short, infertility sucks and no one gets it unless you've walked in the same shoes.
Words cannot explain how elated I feel that I was able to replace that pair of worn-out shoes. How happy I feel that so many people who walked the path with me have been able to do the same. But also how much my heart hurts that some are still walking and waiting for their some day, some way. Although my infertile shoes are gone, my feet remember how they felt- every lead filled step.
Infertility took away so much from me... but it also gave me so much.
Infertility gave me two children that would not have existed in the same way without its influence. Without it there would be no Sam and Anna- no twin giggles, twin triumphs and twin challenges. No unique opportunity to see two personalities develop at the exact same time but so very differently. Infertility made me a better wife and a better mother. It gave me the ability to let go. Obsess less. Enjoy the present for what it is. The ability to really cherish every single moment of parenthood. To be wiser about the less important stuff. Infertility made me stronger and through that strength gave me a better emotional state. Infertility strengthened my religious faith.
Infertility, despite the years of hell I felt like I lived through, gave me so much more that it took away. My wish is that the same is true for everyone who has walked in the same shoes too.
2 comments:
That is so very well said.
LOVED this post!
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