Sleep Rut

One of the hardest parts of parenting for us has been dealing with sleep issues as they ebb and flow.  (Severe uncontrolled reflux times two for almost 6 months takes the cake, though).  We went through  a major spell at around 5 months old of 45 minute naps, which took considerable effort to break.  Transitioning from 2-1 nap wasn't a walk in the park either.

Overall, we have been blessed with mostly good sleepers though.  Anna slept through the night very early on (although we let Sam continue a nighttime bottle until 9 months old), and both typically take good naps.  We've even had a few 4 hour naps on the weekends lately at almost 2 years old.

However, Anna's had night terrors for a long time.  We learned early on that it is a million times worse to go in and check on her or comfort her in the middle of the night because either a.) it backfires and she is up for hours after that when she would have only cried for 15 minutes or so without intervention or b.) Her sudden stop in scream-crying when she sees us jolts Sam awake and then our problem is multiplied by two with two kids awake in the middle of the night  for hours.  But, she still sometimes poops after bedtime, and she will not sleep or sleep well with a dirty diaper, so we have to play Russian Roulette sometimes and gamble on the bet that she probably has a dirty diaper and do go in the room, or bet that she doesn't and stay out.

Sam also has separation anxiety if he sees us after bedtime, so it still completely backfires for us to go in and comfort him in the middle of the night.  If he wakes while we are checking on Anna, it is pretty likely that one of us will camp out on the floor until he eventually goes to sleep.  Then we crawl out, hoping he doesn't notice.  Again, this takes hours.  My sweet husand slept until 3 am Monday night on their bedroom floor.  Last Thursday night I got 3 1/2 total hours of sleep before facing 21 kindergartners the next day, which was bruttal.  It's one thing to go through that with a newborn (because you expect broken sleep and you have more energy reserves because you haven't been doing it for as much of an extended period), but after minimal sleep for 2 years, I'm in rough shape.

It sucks.  It literally feels like I'm carving my heart out with a dull spoon to hear their cries for me in the middle of the night, but not respond.  It makes me feel like the world's worst mommy.  While they cry and I lay there, I wonder how it will damage their emotional state permanently for the rest of their life.  Most nights, I can get through 10 minutes with my strength intact, but after that point, I want to cry and I usual end up praying over and over for them to fall back asleep.

I shouldn't have to do CIO at 2 years old, right? 

I thought by this point we'd be past this.  I want to be able to comfort my children when they cry out for  me in the middle of the night.  I also don't think we're going to be able to put them in big beds until we're completely past this, because if they have the ability to come seek us out, no one is ever going to get any quality sleep around here.

So we had a really good stretch of sleep for awhile, but lately we're back to night wakings, probably due to them falling asleep much later after bedtime from playing and chatting with each other (making them overtired and sleep less soundly).  But yet Anna's waking earlier too?  Argh- since they are taking good length naps, I don't think we need to tweak their nap... I'm thinking we just need to ride this out until they naturally get back to better sleep on their own, like past history has shown. 

After all, if there's one thing I've learned about parenting, it is that things are always changing- and just when you get used to something, that is exactly the time your kids decide to shake things up a little.