Standing Still

Yesterday's post was titled: Movin' Forward. It should have been called Wishful Thinking. Notice today's title. Yesterday's post was hopeful and optimistic. Warning: today's post is a bit crabby.

I really needed today's results to break the bad-news-from-the-RE's spell. We have yet to go there and get exactly what we want to hear- or really even good news. I am scared, very scared, that this trend will continue up until our very last appointment there. Apparently God did not think I needed good news today as much as I did.

Today's results: lining was fine at 5.5. E2 B/W was not so fine at a whopping 124.

Suppressed, I am NOT.

So... no cool Follistim pen for me yet. What a waste of four hours of my day driving back and forth (and a waste of a half day off of work for Jake). I do, however, get to up my Lupron injection from 5 units (which for the record, I have always thought was awfully low compared to other IVF blog info) to 20 units... twice a day. That's 40 units of Lupron daily (or 8 times the amount I was taking). Did the first one all by my lonesome after the phone call- no Jake as a cheerleader even, this time.

So back to the RE on Friday I will go... and we'll do take two at hopeful suppression. Let's also hope that this XL dose of Lupron only has to be given until then.

I have a sneaking suspicion that those Lupron side effects that I said "weren't that bad" are about to get a whole lot worse. Oh fun, fun.

Movin' Forward

Tomorrow I go in for a monitoring u/s and b/w. Hopefully they will show that I am appropriately suppressed and then the fun can begin at night with my first Follistim shot. Lupron will continue at 7 pm, but the amount will get cut in half to 2.5 units. Follistim shots will be at 8-9 pm. Although I am not looking forward to devoting a good chunk of every evening to two injections, I have been itching to use that cool Follistim pen... and the awesome James Bond-like carrying kit that comes with it. (Thanks, Lau, for the JB reference idea) I also think it probably goes without saying: but I am ready to move to the next step... and get one step closer to being PG.

I have succeeded in giving myself every single shot so far. Jake helps with the prep work, like getting the syringe ready- but I have hesitated to let him poke me with the needles. I like being in control myself. I don't want him to hurt me... because if he did, I'm afraid I'd get mad at him, and I don't need an extra reason to do that (Lupron mood swings and all). I did promise him he can do one sub-cue injection as practice before he is responsible for the IM injections in my rear.

Lupron hasn't been that bad. I have a suspicion that the nausea was almost entirely the Norethrindrone's fault. I feel bloated at times, minor ickiness in my lower abdomen following each injection, and have had some mood swings. Pretty soon after an injection I get a very quick stabbing pain in my right ovary region. I think my eggs look like this- they don't understand what the heck is going on and they are protesting the unwelcome hormonal changes:

There have been a few times where I've been extra unreasonably crabby and maybe two times in the last week that I have gotten extra weepy (but heck- I've been like that for years while dealing with TTC unsuccessfully, that's nothing new). Jake noted that I seem to have goofy moments while on Lupron though. It appears that I say things with a silly voice while on Lupron. (For instance- the acu lady has me taking a Chinese medicine supplement called Women's Precious. I think I've pretended to be Gollum from The Lord of the Rings no less that 3 times now). I can also happily say that the first Lupron injection gave me a bruise the size of a Lima bean... and that's the only bruise I've gotten so far. I hope that continues. The past two nights I have had a hard time sleeping and have gotten really hot in the middle of the night- I know these can be side effects from Lupron, but I'm not sure if they are related or not. I also had a killer headache last night. Who knows? Could be the Lupron, or maybe not.

After our delay after the first u/s and b/w, I am a little nervous that the trend will continue and I won't be suppressed enough to begin the Follistim. Please send good thoughts our way that everything is right on track for us.