Standing Still

Yesterday's post was titled: Movin' Forward. It should have been called Wishful Thinking. Notice today's title. Yesterday's post was hopeful and optimistic. Warning: today's post is a bit crabby.

I really needed today's results to break the bad-news-from-the-RE's spell. We have yet to go there and get exactly what we want to hear- or really even good news. I am scared, very scared, that this trend will continue up until our very last appointment there. Apparently God did not think I needed good news today as much as I did.

Today's results: lining was fine at 5.5. E2 B/W was not so fine at a whopping 124.

Suppressed, I am NOT.

So... no cool Follistim pen for me yet. What a waste of four hours of my day driving back and forth (and a waste of a half day off of work for Jake). I do, however, get to up my Lupron injection from 5 units (which for the record, I have always thought was awfully low compared to other IVF blog info) to 20 units... twice a day. That's 40 units of Lupron daily (or 8 times the amount I was taking). Did the first one all by my lonesome after the phone call- no Jake as a cheerleader even, this time.

So back to the RE on Friday I will go... and we'll do take two at hopeful suppression. Let's also hope that this XL dose of Lupron only has to be given until then.

I have a sneaking suspicion that those Lupron side effects that I said "weren't that bad" are about to get a whole lot worse. Oh fun, fun.

Movin' Forward

Tomorrow I go in for a monitoring u/s and b/w. Hopefully they will show that I am appropriately suppressed and then the fun can begin at night with my first Follistim shot. Lupron will continue at 7 pm, but the amount will get cut in half to 2.5 units. Follistim shots will be at 8-9 pm. Although I am not looking forward to devoting a good chunk of every evening to two injections, I have been itching to use that cool Follistim pen... and the awesome James Bond-like carrying kit that comes with it. (Thanks, Lau, for the JB reference idea) I also think it probably goes without saying: but I am ready to move to the next step... and get one step closer to being PG.

I have succeeded in giving myself every single shot so far. Jake helps with the prep work, like getting the syringe ready- but I have hesitated to let him poke me with the needles. I like being in control myself. I don't want him to hurt me... because if he did, I'm afraid I'd get mad at him, and I don't need an extra reason to do that (Lupron mood swings and all). I did promise him he can do one sub-cue injection as practice before he is responsible for the IM injections in my rear.

Lupron hasn't been that bad. I have a suspicion that the nausea was almost entirely the Norethrindrone's fault. I feel bloated at times, minor ickiness in my lower abdomen following each injection, and have had some mood swings. Pretty soon after an injection I get a very quick stabbing pain in my right ovary region. I think my eggs look like this- they don't understand what the heck is going on and they are protesting the unwelcome hormonal changes:

There have been a few times where I've been extra unreasonably crabby and maybe two times in the last week that I have gotten extra weepy (but heck- I've been like that for years while dealing with TTC unsuccessfully, that's nothing new). Jake noted that I seem to have goofy moments while on Lupron though. It appears that I say things with a silly voice while on Lupron. (For instance- the acu lady has me taking a Chinese medicine supplement called Women's Precious. I think I've pretended to be Gollum from The Lord of the Rings no less that 3 times now). I can also happily say that the first Lupron injection gave me a bruise the size of a Lima bean... and that's the only bruise I've gotten so far. I hope that continues. The past two nights I have had a hard time sleeping and have gotten really hot in the middle of the night- I know these can be side effects from Lupron, but I'm not sure if they are related or not. I also had a killer headache last night. Who knows? Could be the Lupron, or maybe not.

After our delay after the first u/s and b/w, I am a little nervous that the trend will continue and I won't be suppressed enough to begin the Follistim. Please send good thoughts our way that everything is right on track for us.

Feelin' it

Thankfully, the nausea side effects from the Norethi.ndrone have decreased. They are no longer at the gripping-a-bag-and-covering-my-mouth-willing-nothing-to-come-out level all day long. Mild nausea I can take.

Unfortunately, the Lupron side effects are happily taking their place. Last night I blew up at Jake for something minor- and I knew it was minor at the time, but couldn't help it. It just felt so darn good to be angry and get it out. Poor Jake.

Then today at school my two particular co-workers were up to their usual antics. (Side note: I don't understand how people that are rude, condescending, selfish, negative, close minded, controlling, and uncompromising can end up being kindergarten teachers- when the opposite traits are what should be modeled and taught to kindergartners!) I've been putting up with their stuff since September and I've just about had it. Usually I deal with the issues, brush them off and try to be professional in spite of their unprofessionalism- but today their usual bullshit almost drove me to the edge. I was filled with a uncommon rage that I couldn't shake until I vented it all out to (again, poor) Jake.

In the next three days I will be surrounded by my co-workers as we screen the incoming kindergarten students. I am a littler nervous about what shenanigans they might be up to... and about the rage I might not be able to stifle until later.

They might not know what hit them.

Survived the first one

Short and sweet post:

First injection done- took only 10 minutes from prep to clean up.... no tears (but a little whining), and did it myself, with Jake on the sidelines ready to be tagged in. His shaky hands and my control issues are the only reasons why I held the needle.

One down, (how many were in the med delivery again? 143?) approximately 142 at home injections to go.