Fleeting Feelings

Why is it that just when you are feeling good and in a good place, IF kicks you right back down with a vengeance???

Really, this rollercoaster of IF really has a sick and twisted mind.

This morning, I was in an unusually good mood for a last day of the work week. I was smiling, singing along to Bob Marley and sipping my Friday treat: a White Chocolate Mocha on my way to school. I actually thought to myself: Hey- my life is pretty good. And then as an after thought: Well, except for the not having a baby stuff, my life is pretty good. And then I almost cried. I almost cried because I was able to think about this hell as an afterthought. I felt proud of myself that I have come so far. And I felt good. It was nice to feel good without it being Jamaica-induced.

Fast forward to this afternoon: My day took a 180 degree about face. My co-workers were at their typical best. (I was going to type in rare form, but then realized its not so rare, really.) Then the -- I don't know, maybe 60th? -- shoe dropped. And no, I'm not exaggerating. It has to be close to 60 damn PG announcements I've endured in the past three damn years. I seriously didn't realize that I knew that many fertile uteruses. Omitting most of the details- this is a really hard one. She told me she was PG in February, then had a m/c. And although I would not wish a m/c on anyone or the inability to get PG (please don't misinterpret me)- she is PG again and that makes it hard. Makes it hard for me b/c I went through this with her about a month ago. Completely selfishly of me, I wish I had a few more months to build up the strength to deal with this. But I don't get that luxury. Damn IF. Stop toying with me.

Well, at least I get Friday off.

Oh and I didn't mention the appropriate daily quote from my calendar, "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much." --Mother Teresa

My thoughts exactly.