This Sibling Stuff

Sam and Anna have almost always gotten along well in the past.  Once we got down the "count to 3" and then later "count to 20" routine when they wanted the whatever the other had to play with, it has been close to smooth sailing since then as far as sibling interacting goes.

Sometimes having twins is awesome.  The special bond they have with only the other is apparent so frequently.  There was a stage when they did not like being apart, like when we had Mommy-Daughter trips to Target or Daddy-Son grocery store runs.  Ask either one who their best friend is, and each will reply with their twin's name.  While a small piece of me wishes that I could sometimes be the "best friend," I know how lucky they are to have the special bond they have as twins and that their bond with me is special and different too.

Sam and Anna are also very compassionate towards each other.  They kiss each other's injuries without prompting and ask if the injured is okay.  They help each other out all day long and more often than not use please and thank you towards each other without reminders.

But lately, the sibling stuff has been cranked up a notch.  They still have that special bond of course and pepper their conversations with compassion and manners (and a few words of twin-speak: words they both seem to understand but sound like made-up words to me) but these days the antagonizing is driving me nuts.  I see shades of my own relationship with my brother growing up mirrored in how Sam and Anna are acting towards each other lately.  That brothers-are-put-on-this-earth-to-annoy-and-tease sisters while sisters-are-put-on-this-earth-to-drive-brothers-crazy age old practice.  Ugh.

Sam kicks Anna just to annoy her when they are sitting at the breakfast bar (not playfully or trying to hurt her).

Anna pretends to eat Sam (as a wild thing or animal) joyfully even though he tells her to stop repeatedly as he gets upset.

Sam tries to chase Anna with the lawnmower while she shrieks and seeks refuge in my arms.

Anna takes a toy from Sam just because he has it and she doesn't want him to have it.

And the list goes on and on.

All totally normal behavior, I think, but it gets tiring and old fast.

I feel like we do everything to encourage the opposite and foster a positive sibling relationship:

We talk though their feelings and give them the words to successfully extinguish the unwanted behavior in the hopes that they learn how to do it on their own most of the time in the someday future.

We acknowledge, encourage and celebrate the great moments of twindom and siblinghood- working together, solving their problems with each other well and using kindness.

We give them opportunities to try to work things out on their own before rushing in and fixing it.

We provide and encourage time to be separate and do things on their own- that they both don't have to play the same thing at the same time, be in the same room at the same time, or interact with us as their parents at the same time.

I think we handling it just fine... I'm just wishing I didn't have 15 more year of this on the way!

The Sibling Stuff Amped Up a Notch

Lately Sam and Anna have been interacting more. Playing more, teasing more, stealing toys more, and actively fight back when a toy is taken, more. We've discovered that Anna's a biter, and her first line of defense against Sam's ruthless I-want-what-you-have tactics is to clamp her mouth on his arm or shoulder. She also actively protests her dislike for Sam's moves by yelling, shrieking or crying. (I asked her tonight: "Anna, you are going to have your momma's temper, aren't you?" and no joke- she said "ya" and emphatically nodded her head up and down. Where was the video camera for that one???)

Sam's a lover. He sees that you are clearly enjoying whatever you've got, and he wants to share in your happiness. Most often that means whatever Anna's got, he wants. Even if he just got the last thing that Anna had a second ago, he'll drop it like a hot coal to go after the new "it" item in Anna's hands. He doesn't get angry when Anna takes something from him, he just tries harder to get it back. Sam also likes to show his affection for his sister by climbing over her or patting her on the head. Anna does not like this. I also think it's a good thing Anna's hair has decided to be a late bloomer- I have a feeling Sam's going to be a hair-puller. Thank goodness Anna's not, because Sam's mop is probably overdue for a haircut.

I know our days of scuffles over toys are only just beginning. I know our babes will get lots of practice learning to share before they ever grace a school classroom. I'm not really looking forward to teaching that, and I AM looking forward to the day they know what "sharing" means.

Photographic evidence:

(Notice he is not content with the piano sitting right in front of him)

(Seconds before this, they were looking at each other with adorable smiles, making each other laugh. I meant to capture that, but this is priceless too.)




(Totally not staged. I guess Sam wanted to ride on Anna's back. Anna was SO not pleased. Aren't they a little young to figure this out on their own?)

Twins = BFFs

Wordless Wednesday

I love how they interact with each other now! :)