Lookin' Good- Now an RE break :(

3rd and final beta number today: 1,015. That, ladies and gentlemen, is again, more than double in 48 hours- an increase of 135% since beta #2. Woohoo! I was hoping for over 1,000 so it could still feel like I was still in the running for twins. I'm still feeling one- but we will see... hopefully at the u/s on August 7th! I will be 6 weeks and 5 days. I decided I should put a little poll and see what comes out on top, so please vote on the right side!

I didn't realize that once my dream came true I'd still be living my life in two week increments. This will be yet another long TWW.

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Second beta

Whew! Our second beta came in at 432. That is a 112% rise in 48 hours, so perfect doubling time! What a relief! I'm even more sure of one beautiful, strong baby:

The most strong symptom I've felt is this amazing bassett hound nose I've developed. It started about 4 days after the transfer, and it comes and goes since then. I've been noticing the most interesting smells. They don't make me queasy, just curious if this is what my dogs always feel like! For instance: I was driving by the Del Monte plant near our home and I could tell they were canning green beans. I've never been able to smell anything coming from there. My husband put some frozen walleye in the fridge to thaw and without knowing this at the time, I could smell the walleye on his hands. My dogs need a bath, clean laundry smells soooo good... the list goes on and on. I've also had the bloat return (my least favorite symptom) but it never really went away after the retrieval. It is a good thing I can live in cozy yoga capris this summer. I've never been a nighttime bathroom trip kind-of-gal, but I am now. Oh, and brushing my teeth is torture. I cannot stand the toothpaste and almost vomit every time. Anyone else out there have or had a similar issue?

My next beta is on Friday, so back to the RE's I will go in two days. After that, I will have over a week off from my four hour round-trip drives that have been happening about every other day. What am I going to do with all my spare time??? Probably most likely wait anxiously for that first u/s. I wish this would start to feel more real, but I still feel like I'm in a dream or a movie plot.

I said before that I am trying to soak it all in, push those worries aside, and just to 100% relish this- but all you in IF land understand when I say that is easier said than done. I have been following many other people in their IVF cycles lately, and many have ended in answered prayers, but a few have ended in heartbreaks. My heart hurts so much for the wonderful women who ended up on the other side of the odds this time- and I can't help but think, why us, this time? I wish I didn't have survivor guilt, but I think I do. I just wish I could give away some of what I am so blessed to be experiencing to them and take away some of their pain. Please keep my dear friend Lau in your thoughts, as well as visit Sarah and Mrs. Hammer to give them some support.

Answered Prayers and the Magic Number

It took me a few days to post this, and I still don't have quite the right words to say. How do you put into words when everything you've ever hoped for until your heart ached to its very limit happens on the very last chance you have? How do you put into words how amazing it feels to have all those holes in your heart start to mend by the sight of one pink little line? How do you say how incredibly grateful you are that God really WAS listening, even though you did have faith that the right thing for you would happen in the end? How can you express how wonderful it feels to be able to have a biological child with the man you truly feel is the most caring, considerate, loving, and selfless man on the planet- when you thought that was beyond your reach? Everything I think of just doesn't cut it. I still don't know.

I promise that will be the most sappy part of this post. I still don't quite know how to get across how I've felt since seeing those two lines. Although my rear hurts from the progesterone shots- I've felt like dancing a happy dance since Saturday morning. You can't wipe this smile off of my face- and darn it, I'll go so far as to say I think I'm glowing (maybe more from the news than the PG, but I think the happiness is radiating from me).

Saturday morning I woke up really early dreaming about testing and with a full bladder. I decided that was the sign I needed that now was the right time to bite the bullet and POAS. So I did. To my surprise, I didn't cry- I was in shock and so happy I kept putting my hands over my mouth to keep from shrieking. Then I went in to our bedroom and woke up Jake with the pee stick. My first words were, "Jake- you're going to be a daddy." I showed him, and we kissed, cuddled, and talked. He went back to sleep after awhile, but I was so amped up I couldn't. I just keep walking into the bathroom to look at the HPT over and over again. I tested again Sunday. The line was darker and the digital made it so much better to be able to see the word in print.

This morning before the big b/w appointment I took another test, just to help ease the anxiety. the line was just a little bit darker. Irrational as it was, I was still scared and anxious to get the call and hear the numbers. I was worried it was all a dream/in my head/a fluke/5 bad tests in a row. Plus, I knew the first beta could help give a clue about whether multiples was a possibility. So the big beta number is: 204 at 10dp5dt. It is on the high end for a singleton according to betamed.com but entirely possible for twins according to betabase.info. Personally I'm thinking one and I'm thinking girl. Interestingly, Jake thinks the same. We'll have to see if we are completely off later.

I refuse to be cautious about this and logical right now. I know the chances of a m/c are there. But what will be will be- and we've waited over three long years for this. I have always been a plan B/realist kind of girl, and although I'm sure those thoughts will creep into my head (yes, I admit they already have) for now I'm am going to allow myself the pure happiness that being PG should be. I'm going to work really hard to indulge those planning ahead kind of thoughts and buy whatever I feel like buying at this point in the game. My thought is, this may be the only time in my life that I get to do this. I've been waiting for this. A friend of mine that is PG through IUI told me a nurse said to her that just because she had gone through infertility doesn't mean she won't have a perfectly healthy and wonderful pregnancy. I'm really trying to keep that in the forefront of my mind. That being said, the next beta is Wednesday- and we can still use your prayers and positive thoughts!