I'm Conflicted

I'm planning on going on a mini-vacation/trip next week to our family cabin.  The noteworthy aspect is that I am planning on going alone.  My husband will be working during the weekdays, while Sam and Anna will spend the weekdays at daycare.  This trip has been highly encouraged by my husband, as my me-time to rest, relax, and rejuvenate before the hustle and bustle of the school year beginning and the end of summer comes crashing down. 

I'm so conflicted about this.  On the one hand, I daydream about sleeping in, soaking in the sun and sleeping in as long as I want.  I fantasize about the books on my reading list that I'll be able to get lost in. 

Maybe it is a good thing that my husband gets to experience what it is like when I solo-parent during the school year while he's on a work trip.  I have complete faith in his ability to handle it while I'm gone.  That's not even an issue in my brain at all.  (All though, I do doubt his ability to dress Sam and Anna well.  The control freak in me might just lay out a week's worth of clothes so I know they look decent and are dressed for the weather. Just joking... a little.)

But then the reality sets in.  Can I really be gone from Sam and Anna that long?  (If I go, I really do have to be gone Monday-Thursday at least, because it is a 7 hour drive one way.) Do the pros outweigh the cons? 

See, the thing is that I've only been gone from them one night in the last 16 months of their life, and that was for less than 24 hours.  I left after their bedtime, and returned before noon.  The longest I've gone without seeing them awake was from 7 am one morning until 7 am the next morning because of conferences night at school.  Even then, I peeked in their room and saw them sleeping for a bit after I got home that evening.

I don't think anyone with twins would deny that often, they are a lot of work even though they are amazingly awesome and wonderful and double the blessings.  Sam's cutting two molars, dealing with ear infection #5, and is the normal toddler Tasmanian devil these days.  Anna is spunky, very verbal, and is a sleep rut right now- meaning she's often taking one 1 1/2 hour nap a day and having multiple night/early morning wakings.  I love being with them, but breaks are nice.  I know I've mentioned before that our family all lives out of state, so we don't really get the frequent help/breaks that families often provide.  I can count on my fingers the amount of times someone has watched Sam and Anna while we have date nights, not to mention that Sam and Anna have never spent a night without either Mom or Dad there.  Most of the time, it is our little family of four without relatives.  This break would be nice for me, in theory. 

But being around Sam and Anna is like a drug sometimes.  As tiring as they are, as much as they drain me, I love being around them.  I crave their smiles, hugs, kisses, cute moments.  I adore every little bit about them.  Missing them for that many days might just be more than I can handle.

I'm having a really hard time deciding what to do.  One moment, I think  "Go.  You'll need this relaxing time to get through the hard back to school time."  The next moment I think, "What are you thinking???  Stay.  You'll never get back this week of their lives.  You can relax/sleep when you are dead.   You'll regret being gone once they are back at daycare every weekday."

Gosh.  I just don't know what to do.