I realized something this afternoon while I was driving to daycare to pick up my sweet babies:
I'm not waiting anymore.
So much of the recent history of my life was filled with waiting and wishing for things to happen or get here. Waiting to graduate. Waiting to go to college. Waiting to find that person to spend the rest of my life with. Waiting to graduate again. Waiting to get married. Waiting to find my first professional job. Waiting to move. Waiting to get pregnant. Waiting to get pregnant. (And then waiting to get pregnant some more.) Waiting to begin IVF. Then waiting to find out how many babies, what genders, and when they would be born. Waiting to get past the multiple mom survival mode stage. Waiting for Reflux Hell to end.
Now I'm not waiting. I'm not waiting for them to grow up or hit the next big developmental milestone. (As far I'm concerned, Sam and Anna can wait a few months to walk. I'm good with walking at 14 months.) I'm not waiting for them to turn a year old, because I'm quite happy with where they are right now.
And that's just it:
I'm quite happy with the way everything is at this exact moment in time.
I love everything about where Sam and Anna are right now. Eating is going well, sleeping is going well. I love how they are communicating with us and with each other. While gummy grins were adorable, toofer smiles are even better. I enjoy what babyhood is still left in them, but enjoy the toddlerhood that is emerging too. We have no big plans on the horizon like new jobs or moving.
Well, okay- I could use the cozy warmth of the summer sun or the season-long break from work. But other than that, I am not waiting for a thing. Because I am not thinking ahead to whatever it is that I'm waiting for, I can be in the moment and 100% enjoy what is instead of what will be. I can't imagine much better than that.
6 comments:
Well said!!! It is a wonderful place when you realize everything in life is beautiful and you want it to just stand still for awhile. I'm notorious for waiting for the next thing but really if I just reflect on how wonderful things are right now I am incredibly blessed. Thank you for putting things into perspective!
Love it. I feel EXACTLY the same way.
Well, except the sleep going well thing. Abbey has decided 4am is a lovely time to be wide awake and happy. Wish us luck as we "re-train" her to sleep until AT LEAST 5:30am =)
But other than that, I feel exactly the same way.
And I too am very grateful.
I love this post! I always kind of wondered how things would be once I finally got pregnant and wasn't obsessing about that 24/7. But, in the early days of motherhood, you find new things to obsess about-- when will they sleep through the night?! When will they sit on their own? Crawl? Babble? Clap? Etc. Etc. Etc. It's a constant waiting game as a new mom.
But, like you, I'm now at a point where I am just enjoying the here and now. Not looking ahead with anticipation and most definitely not looking back with longing. I'm just fully present. And I love that.
That is awesome. Not waiting is an awesome place up be. It just feels like the world is complete... Doesn't it? Lovely! All the best!
Contentment is pretty cool, huh?
Awesome and so happy for you! It is wonderful to feel so happy in the moment and to know it, too. Take it all in because you so deserve this kind of happiness. Remember it and try to strive for it everyday!
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