Besides the big ball of stress the kindergarten concert that we have tomorrow is for me... and besides the fact that I've been on pins and needles waiting for my next door co-teacher to announce what I've known for a month (which, by the way, she did officially announce her PGness today)... this week is HARD.
I'm tryin', really- I'm tryin' to focus on the rockin' hot stone massage waiting for me on Sunday (but yet I wonder if the masseuse will say to me what I don't want to hear: Happy M______ Day or Are you here for M______ Day?)... the pedicure (my first ever!) on Saturday... my day off- sans farm field trip on Monday, and the acupuncture appt. waiting for me instead that day... but it is still HARD.
I told my mom yesterday that I sent a card, but I will not be calling her on Sunday. I hope she understands; I think she understands- but honestly I don't care that much if she doesn't. Self-preservation is top priority for me at this point. It might make Sunday a little better not having to say It, but that day will still be HARD.
Today one of my students was holding my hand as we walked and he squeezed it three times. I told him that 3 squeezes is mine and Mr. E's code for I Love You, and I smiled at him. He squeezed 3 times again- then pondered and said, "so how do you say so much?" I said maybe two more squeezes could mean that. So he squeezed my hand 5 times in a row. How's that for an Awww moment? Now of course, infertile me got warm fuzzies for only a second before I thought- I want my OWN child to do that/say that to me- and sad, pitiful Infertile Katie had to hold back the tears. Damn- this week is HARD.
Jen says it better than I could put it into words here. Happily for her, she wrote that last year- and this year she has a "squishy baybee" to love (in her words). This sums it up for me exactly: " [It is] A day when you have to be subjected to yet another reminder that you are somehow physically constrained in ways that most people are not." And the kicker for me is also that it is a day where it is glaringly obvious that people don't validate that there are in fact people that are "physically constrained in ways that most people are not" in the reproductive way as well as how extremely difficult that is mentally, emotionally and physically.
Ugh. This week is HARD.
Will you please let me know when it is over- k?
7 comments:
This seems to be an especially hard week for me too. The story about your student is adorable, even I got the warm fuzzies over it :)
I am hoping we are both CELEBRATING mother's day next year...:)
Hang in there, Katie. Enjoy your massage and pedicure this weekend! You deserve it! Let us know how your appt. goes next week.
Katie, it's been a hard week for me too. The thing with your student was so cute. Rob and I do the same thing. 3 squeezes = I love you, 4 squeezes = I love you too. We started that when we were dating and haven't given it up. I'm sorry about another PGer at work, I just can't imagine how hard that has been for you. I hope your massage and acupuncture appt go well. I'll be thinking about you.
I am so sorry you are having a hard week. I love pedicures! I hope you have a wonderful time at the spa.
Sorry you're having a hard week. And your story about your student was SOOO cute - I don't think I could have held back the tears, so good job! Take care of yourself. The week will be over soon.
Hugs!
~C
Love ya! Thinking about you and sorry to hear this was such a difficult week. Very sweet story about the hand hugs. It is moments like those that melt your heart. I hope your spa day is wonderful and restful!
Hey girl,
Oh your Kindergartener story made me sad too. You KNOW that the masseuse will say that, so you should have something "prepared" for a response. :( The front desk girl at the hair salon stopped me yesterday on the way out and said "You enjoy YOUR MOTHER's DAY, now, okay?" and I wanted to hurl and cry all at once. I forgot to add that part to my blog. Anywho, I'll be thinking about all of us IF's tomorrow. I seriously think that we should band together and all send each other goodies on Mother's Day. Hmmm....maybe next year.
PS- I think I'm ADD toooo! Ooooh, there's something shiny....wait, no I want a baked potato.....cute shiirrrrt! LOL
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