With my student teacher in my room, I am trying to get together as much as I possibly can for the next school year- even more than I usually do. In the back of my head, I think: if the IVF doesn't work, then I need to have as much done as I can, in case I can hardly drag my butt out of bed to function. I know I will have intense grief- expecially with one co-teacher due in September, and another due in early November (which we will have a shower for when school starts). But I also am trying to think on the positive side: if the IVF does work- I will be tired (from being PG with twins, of course) and the last thing I know I will want to do is put in my usual 10+ hour work days.
Right now, I am also trying to figure out whether I think I will be able to go back to my school at all with a failed IVF permeating every thought in my head. I don't have the answer for that yet. In the meantime, I am going to work on updating my reference letters, resume and portfolio. I know that my school won't be a healthy environment for me- and although I know I will eventually make it beyond an IVF that doesn't work, I'm not entirely sure that would be possible at my current school. So then, my thoughts circle back to all the extra work I'm doing for the fall right now- which could be totally worthless and pointless if I don't go back.
Then the other side of the coin: is working this hard right now to function better in the fall what's best for me at the present time, either? I am trying to justify that I can be overworked and stressed right now, because I won't start injections until next week. But I know that's just making excuses. I know I need to start focusing on what's best for my body right now, and acupuncture isn't a coverall or an easy fix. I need to make a personal effort too.
What's the happy balance? I wish I knew.
5 comments:
Its scary how much we thing alike sometimes... I am a super planner too. I always try to prepare myself for either outcome, as much as I possibly can; so I wouldn't be helpful with advice. Ha ha.
It will all come together though... Some how it always does.
I hope all your planning will be for good reasons. :-) Fingers crossed.
Yes, this is a tough one. Since you have a student teacher, take advantage and do some of the extra stuff if it is not getting to be too much. Just think that whatever you do will be making things easier for next year if you go back and if you don't get to the end of your list, let it go because at least you got some of it done. I think the important thing is not to beat yourself up for not having done more and give yourself credit for taking the initiative.
I think that updating your portfolio and resume is a good idea and can be empowering. You can casually look for other oportunities, but know you have a job to go back to if that is the way it works. Looking for another job might be a good way to pass the time this summer. Just think of it as an adventure!
Also, I was wondering if you are still making mittens or if maybe you might have found another use for old sweaters? Slippers? Bags? Scarves?
Jamie,
I can make bags as long as they are simple. My friend keeps telling me I should make matching hats and scarves, but I don't know how yet (she was going to show me). I think slippers might be a little complex- but if I had a pattern then I could give it a shot. Was there something you were looking for?
Katie,
I was just spitballing some ideas to further you mitten making creativity. I may need to get a new winter coat this year, so I will let you know if I need a new pair of mittens! But first, I am going to enjoy the summer. :)
Jamie
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