So yesterday I vented about my dear husband and how he was driving me nuts. I felt really badly later, because he truly is a fantastic husband (the best ever... most of the time) but he is a normal guy after all. So this morning after I got up, I deleted it. The post had served its purpose- I let off a little steam instead of venting at him.
Today I talked with my mother and she made me want to start a new venting post. But I'm holding back, lest I'm on here tomorrow morning before 6 am hitting the delete post button again.
The thing is, I am aware that this is one way that IF has irrevocably changed me. I don't brush things as easily off of my back and I have a lot of icky feelings bottled up most of the time. So when you cross me, it makes me mad. I don't take negative things as well because all my energy to deal with negative things is tied up in our failure to conceive for the past three years.
I know that lots of good things will ultimately come out of our IF struggles. And hopefully one day I will be able to look back at this and be able to say, "I wouldn't change a thing" because of where it got me. I hope fervently that this is the case. I know I am one thousand times stronger than I was three years ago. But there are also good things along with the bad and although I was never a sunny optimist- I am carrying around a lot of pain 24 hours a day. Some of that has to come out a little some of the time.
So to the world (and Jake and my mom): I am sorry that you have to bear the brunt of my frustration sometimes.
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