I got this email from a co-worker today (it was sent to everybody at my school).
Hello Everyone -
Some of us are planning on getting together every Tuesday during the summer from around 3:00-5:00 and let the kids play together. If you are a grandparent or parent and want to come and play this Tuesday at our house with your little kids - you are welcome too!! We will be outside!! Please bring your own drinks and we will have some snacks available!! We will also have a little pool and water things out, so bring a suit and towel too. It's just a time for the kids to have some fun and adults to socialize too!!
Hope to See you on Tuesdays!!
BJ
We live at * - turn on * by * and we are one block past the stop sign - we are the corner house on * - just come to the backyard - we will be there!!
If you want come for the entire time or just part of the time that is fine.
Those that come this Tuesday - we'll make a plan of Tuesdays and I will email them out to everyone - so if you can't come this Tuesday - maybe another Tuesday will work for you!!
Have a Fantastic Summer!!
BJ - our phone number is * if you have any questions!!
Notice the attempt at including everyone: grandparent and parent. Grrr. Thanks for excluding me.
Both the husband and wife are teachers at my school and had their two kids back to back- in other words, they are uber fertile and have no clue that other people are not. In the three years I've worked at this school, each of them have made it a pretty common thing to inadvertently make me feel crummy because I don't and can't have children. First it was the group picture of the 13 babies born my first year there (and during year 1 and 2 of our IF). This picture is now framed and hangs above the copy machine in our workroom so I get to stare at it while being reminded of the pain it caused and still causes me. Then it was the countless cute baby and mother forwards that clog my inbox. Add in the smattering of invites to small child swimming events and evening get-togethers (for those with children only, of course).
Do I email something gently so they can get a clue? Do I let it slide and brace for the next exclusion offense? Or maybe I should borrow my neighbor's kid, show up and see what they say. Should I bring my dogs and explain that they are my children since I can't have the non-furry kind? What would you do?
As I sit here after my nightly Lupron shot feeling the sting and feeling kind of crummy in my lower abdomen- this email is making me extra grumpy. Life isn't fair- and that stinks. And here I thought I was done complaining about work for a few months.
11 comments:
I am sorry that your coworkers are insensitive:( Honestly, when we get together with DH's family it is pretty much like a playdate, so we bring our dogs. The first time we did it we got crap from them, and when we said that our dogs are our kids since we can't have human ones and they eased off. Good luck:)
They don't get it and they never will. I'm frequently left out of these types of 'days' as well...and I'm starting to wonder if, even if I do have kids one day, I would even WANT to go...
It's a shame.
Ugh - that just bites. Thankfully no one at my work does stuff like that. Why wouldn't they just invite others that they know have small kids the same as their own, and not take the chance of upsetting everyone else?
I'm sorry this drama continues to follow you. I think I would respond to the email that while you appreciate being included in her mass email (try not to throw up here...but you are taking the high road...)for summer get togethers, you will not be able to make it this summer. And then I would ask her to take you off of their list of emails for these summer get togethers this time around. See you in the fall!
It is hard to tell if she is being insensitive and just including everyone or if she knows she is stiring the pot, but making it seem like she just wants to be inclusive. Get it in your heads people, coworkers are just that. You don't all have to be friends. Sometimes you want to leave your work at work when you go home.
That email is incredibly obnoxious. I think Jamie's advice is good, to let her know to take you off her list. I mean, honestly, she makes it sound like you're only welcome if you have children which, why in the world did she include you on the forward then? I mean seriously... some people are so dense.
I think it would be hilarious for you to show up with your dogs! That would be my second choice but then it would end up being more hurtful for you to have to be there than it would to them so I would just let her know "remove me from the list" and so you don't have to deal with this crap during your break.
I have friends with kids and even during our IF, they still invited me to do things and didn't make me feel bad about the fact that I didn't have children. This girl just seems flat out insensitive and inclusive. She doesn't even open up the possibility for those without kids. If it's really just to hang out why would you have to have kids to go? I would really like to slap her right now!
I'm so sorry. How insensitive. I'd bring the dog. :)
I hope things work out sweetie.
I'm sorry. :-( That's really crummy, especially since you're supposed to be on your summer break now and getting excited about your upcoming IVF procedures. Does this couple know that you are trying and have had difficulties? A nice email back asking them to please remove your email from these invites might not be a bad idea.
Thanks everyone- I know she was not purposely being insensitive: she just literally has no clue, and no she does not know about us. Although friendly, she definately has a wagging tongue! I did send a nice email asking not to be included in the email list, especially after I got another email about it from her husband today. I do not want to be deleting these every week! Hopefully that will work.
Congrats for taking the polite and elegant way out. Sometimes I feel like being insensitive back and blurting out all about my IF woes but somehow I think they wouldn't get it. Do you know what I mean? So I think you've done the right thing.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed so this time next year you can be planning your own summer parties ;-)
Oh why can't you edit comments? I hate that I type fast and then notice an error after I publish a comment. I do know how to spell definitely, just FYI. :)
Wow! That email would have bothered me too. I'm sorry.
I started AF today and you started yesterday, right? We are so close! When are you stimming? I start Friday!!! :)
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