One More Thing

Jen from Maybe If You Just Relax posted these words last week:

"You know how sometimes? There's a bunch of shit going on? And you're all, fine. I can handle this, but this is all. I can't handle one more thing. If one more thing happens? I'm going to jump out the window/poke out my eye/pull out my hair/drink ten kegs of Christmas Ale.

It seems that I have added that One More Thing..."

...and I found myself nodding my head in agreement. Lest you think I'm a huge bitch- yes, I do realize that I am very blessed in so many ways- to have had a successful IVF that resulted in BOTH Sam and Anna; to not to have a baby in the NICU or to have lost a baby at birth like Jen. I am aware that people across the world are doing much worse than I am in Japan or Libya or lots of other places. But this post isn't a eat-your-peas-because-someone-somewhere-is-starving kind of thing. This is my eating-a-little-cheese-with-my-whine post (although in my case there's a margarita washing down the cheese and crackers I'm munching on).

Lately it feels like okay- I can do this. I'll breathe a big sigh and buck up and play my kindergarten teacher/mom to twins/wife role and carry on. Then that One More Thing hits and I buckle. I hold back a few tears driving home from work, or before I fall asleep (because dang, I've never been exhausted for such a prolonged period in my life), or heck even when I get a few moments to myself in my classroom.

The Bill in WI passed last week (Yeah, on Sam and Anna's birthday to boot. Way to be a downer on my babies' first birthday.). This will dramatically change our way of life. I am seriously considering leaving education. I will be taking a huge pay cut and it will hugely affect our future- both with my retirement and Sam and Anna's education. The morale at school is lower than I've ever seen. 37 teachers at my old school were given layoff notices (I would have too, if I still worked there). Great teachers at my current school are feeling forced into retirement before they are ready (causing tears and depressed feelings). The ways that this could hurt education are limitless, and that is truly very scary for those of us in the trenches right now.

But okay, I can handle that.

Pile on top of that the fact that I have a student with major emotional issues that have really exploded in the last month. This student slapped me last week, threw a boot at me today while screaming in front of my class that he hated me, has hurt other students by choking them, punching them, etc, has thrown chairs etc. My entire classroom has been like a derailed train for the last month. I've probably already said more than I should, so I'll leave it with the statement that more support for this student would certainly be beneficial and help me keep my marbles.

But okay, it sucks and my job is not fun at all right now, but I have no choice but to handle that.

Then, THEN, our car dies and needs to be replaced asap. Okay, drain the savings, but doable. We can still buy food and diapers.

THEN, THEN- add in party drama and differing of opinions with the hubs stemming from party issues leading to a fight. My parents getting the flu and not being able to come to the party, either (there were a total of 3 guests). Add in Sam and Anna's birthday gift of ear infections for both for their birthday. Ear infections that are not being helped by the antibiotics. Major (but not really) snowstorm causes our professional pictures to be cancelled. Have to reschedule the 1 year dr. appt. because our pedi had to take a sudden medical leave and we have to go to someone new, much later than their first birthday. Someone hitting our new car in a parking lot leaving a big mark and dent but not leaving any info (thanks dude- our car was less than a week old).

Those one more things have pretty much eaten me alive lately. I'm barely treading water most days, trying to get from 7:40 to 3:40 as the constant power struggles and attempt to have a death grip on 100% of my attention happen every second of the day. Living for the moment that I can change to the mom of twins role again. Marking each day off the calendar, ticking down the 56 school days left until I can hang up the kindergarten teacher hat and wear the mom of twins hat all summer long. There are 56 days until Summer Vacation. It can't come soon enough.