How We're Doing

Well, my husband is starting his third week working a state away, and spending time with us as a family on the weekends only.  Sometimes, I feel like, "hey- I got this part-time single mothering two two year olds while working full time as a teacher (which is more than a 40 hour a week job) thing down."  Other times, I cry and wish there was someone else to take turns getting up during the unfortunate sleep regression Sam and Anna are having probably due in part to the changes in our household.  It's rough when you finally fall asleep after midnight, get woken up multiple times before your alarm goes off at 5 am to start your day with 19 5-6 year olds then finish with two 2 year olds without any real break from little people.  This sleep deprivation I've got going on is close to rivaling what I had when two newborns were in this house.  I'm not at hallucination level yet, but at least in those days I didn't have to look presentable for work and could nap during the day.  It is also very lonely when you spend most of your awake time talking to kids.  Some evenings I've really craved some adult interaction.

I think it would even mostly be okay including that if I could leave my house in any state- i.e. not have it spotless in less than 24 hour's notice for showings.  If people like to use the saying that cleaning with toddlers in the house is like trying to brush your teeth while eating oreos, imagine how well cleaning for a house showing (meaning even more spotless than I'd do for house guests) with two 2 year olds goes... when a.) you still have to work during the day and b.) there's no one to entertain help distract said 2 year olds to keep from destroying what was just perfectly cleaned.  Oy.  We have had 4 showings since I've been on my own during the week, and an Open House this weekend.  I want my house to sell, but I'm privately thrilled that we don't have any more scheduled as of right now, so I should be able to let a few things slide for a couple of days.  Of course, that could also end up biting me in the rear if I get a call for a showing with only a few hours in the evening to get our house perfect again!

One thing I'm really appreciating being in our near future is the possible help that will exist by living near our family.  The fact is that when my husband leaves for the week to work, I literally am pretty much on my own.  There is no going over to my parents for dinner for the evening, or leaving the kids with someone so I can run a few errands.  I can't wait to have my parents babysit on a regular basis once we live closer!

The first weekend, I ended up driving with Sam and Anna to my inlaws so my husband didn't have to drive the 4+ hour drive home.  We also celebrated our "Christmas" with them.  It was my first roadtrip with Sam and Anna alone, and I did indeed survive the whole 5 hour one way drive with them.  That was after cleaning the house in the morning for two showings during the time we would be gone.  On the return trip we may or may not have stopped at McDonalds twice... and watched over 3 hours of movies on the DVD player... I'm not admitting to a thing!  What matters is that we all arrived home with minimal mishaps or tears- myself included, right?

How are Sam and Anna doing with not seeing Daddy Monday-Friday?  Pretty good, I think.  We facetime every evening to say prayers together, so they get to see him every day, even if that isn't in person.  We've done a lot of talking about the whys and wheres and I think they get it on a very basic level that Daddy's working in Minnesota and staying with Grandma because it is too far away to drive home every night.  We've told them that people are coming to look at our house to see if they want to buy it so we can buy a new place to live near all their Grandmas and Grandpas and they are excited about that part of it.  Sam says more often throughout the day that he wants his Daddy, and our daycare provider told me there was one nap that he woke up from when he keep saying while upset that he wanted his Daddy, but it doesn't seem to be adversely affecting either him or Anna in general.  They have both continued to be pretty well behaved (no major behavior changes with the change) so that's been helpful too.

Right now, I'm just taking things one day at a time, and sometimes one thing on the agenda at a time.  If we get out the door for daycare by 7 am without many issues, I feel successful.  If the night goes by without major meltdowns and my temper isn't fried by bedtime, I feel good.  If I manage to squeeze in some playtime between all the chores I have to do that I used to share with my husband M-F: (dinner, bath, bedtime, getting things ready for the next day, etc.), bonus.  My expectations may be low, but at least they aren't too high and resulting in a feeling like I'm failing at doing this all on my own most of the time.  Right now, I feel good.  I've got this and I'm doing okay.

The Post I've Been Meaning to Write for a Month

This post has been brewing for almost a month now.  We have major changes occurring over here, and a part of that was responsible for my dismal posting in November.  When you are mulling over completely changing major aspects of your life, it's a little hard to focus on much else.  It may also be wholly responsible for similar absenteeism after the new year.

Here's the crux of the changes:  My husband interviewed for and accepted a position at a new company.  This new job is an increase in pay (yay!) and also closer to our family (yay!).  This also means that we will be moving away from the state we've lived in for the past 10 years, and returning to the state we both grew up in (also yay!)  He was able to put off his starting date until January 2nd (kinda yay) but that also means that even with waiting a month to start, the roots we've put down here can't all be uprooted by then (not yay). 

In other words, we have a house to sell.  I have a job to leave- not the sort of job where you give two weeks notice.  On the upside though, the striping of my bargaining rights as an educator two years ago means I do not work under a contract anymore, so I can quit my job teaching kindergarten before the end of the school year.

So, when all that is added up, this is what we've got:  Daddy's going to be staying with Grandma (my MIL) Monday through Friday while he works, and driving the 4+ hour drive home on the weekends.  I will be solo parenting it Sunday night through Friday night every. single. week.  Our house is on the market, and we've had 5 showings so far.  Our current plan is that the kids and I are staying here until our house sells, because it would be hard impossible to lose my paycheck and also add in a new mortgage payment or rent on top of our current mortgage.  When we have a date of closing (pushed back as far as possible to give my school as much notice as possible), we'll make plans for all of us to be living together again 7 days a week.  That may mean renting for a bit until this Mama finds a new job.  That may mean living with my in laws for a short while too.  I don't want to rush into buying a new home before I know where I will be working.

Although, this may be a even larger change than we originally thought.  I've been pondering lately using this as an opportunity to leave the teaching profession.  Ideally, I'd love to stay at home with Sam and Anna, and so some sort of telecommuting job with hours that would allow Sam and Anna to not attend daycare.  In my wildest dreams, I'd love to try homeschooling them instead of sending them to public school in a few years.  Teaching (and education) isn't what it used to be- in the 10 short years I've been a kindergarten teacher, it has changed a lot.  I'm not sure it is what will make me the most happy anymore, and I'm not sure it is what will be the best fit for my own children either.  Truth be told, the tragic events of December 14th at Sandy Hook Elementary is playing in a role in this line of thinking (but of course, not the only factors).  Like many parents, I'm sure I was equally shook up about what happened.  But, as a kindergarten teacher, I can honestly say that on the next Monday morning, I have never felt less safe at a place I've worked.  I stared at those 19 sets of innocent eyes and felt the magnitude of the job I was and am entrusted with.  That being their teacher also meant that I would take a bullet for them.  But for Sam and Anna- the increase of testing, the increase of behavioral problems of other students impacting the learning of all, the lack of support from people outside AND inside the school walls, and now the concern for their lack of safety makes me question if a public school education is what's best for them.  Like health care and the political system, education in America needs fixing too- and I don't see it happening anytime soon.  And that is as far as I am going to touch upon Sandy Hook on my blog.

Pros to this big life change:  1. My husband's new job is 30 minutes from my parents and an hour from my MIL- pretty much in the middle of both.  I am overjoyed to finish this monkey business of driving 4+ hours every time we want to visit grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.  I am thrilled at the opportunities this will provide for Sam and Anna to build closer relationships with their grandparents.  2.  Both of us have been unhappy at multiple parts of our current jobs for some time.  My husband's current company is on track to be run into the ground because of poor management and decision making.  Something needed to be changed on his job end at least, and he's very excited about the new things he will be doing at the new job.  3.  All the other little things we don't like about where we currently are have the potential to be different and/or better.  The things we don't like about our current house could be much better where ever we end up. 4.) If I do decide to get a new teaching position, our future net income could be considerably larger than now.  My husband's larger salary on it's own may create opportunities that are not possible for us now- like homeschooling, or a job for me with non-traditional hours that allow for Sam and Anna to stay home.

Cons:  1.) Um- did you read the solo parenting while Daddy lives Monday through Friday in another state part above?  I know I can do it because I can do hard things, but I can only imagine how much more difficult it may be when you throw in needing to have the house in pristine condition for showings in less than 24 hours notice, and while working a more than full time job as a kindergarten teacher at the same time.  2.)  I love the current situation we have for daycare for Sam and Anna.  I know there is no way we can find something just like it.  (Our pastor's wife who has a childcare background takes care of Sam and Anna with only her 11 month old daughter there, and does preschool like activities with them, for a very reasonable price.  Plus, they have been building such a good relationship with their pastor too- he's our youth pastor and he's soooo good with kids.) 3.) All the little things we love about where we live now we could lose.  For example, the great park we have so much fun at, the local farmer's market, the local children's museum, the wood burning fireplace in our living room, living within walking distance of the public library, friends we'd leave behind, etc. 4.) Leaving my kindergarten class midyear would be extremely hard.  Not just in the explaining it to my class and students' parents kind of way, but also in that I've taught kindergarten for 7 years at the same school.  A huge amount of stuff in that super sized classroom is mine, and really will involve almost the same amount of packing, going though, etc. that our home will.  Yuck- how on earth am I going to carve out the time to pack and move not only our house stuff but my classroom stuff- again, all while working full time and solo parenting two toddlers 5 days a week???

Overall, I'm going with the idea that to take steps forward, you have to be willing to take risks.  We could have stayed where we were comfortable (here) and be resigned to the things we didn't like.  Or we could take the risk that the potential of this opportunity has the ability to be so much better than our current now.  Only time will tell- but I am excited at the possibilities once we get past this hard interim.

Life.

What a week.  What a weekend.  I had fully intended to get back on the blogging wagon with my short burst of a few posts a week or so ago.  Then life happened.  As in, new state mandated standardized testing for kindergarten in which I spent no less than 8 completely dedicated hours assessing my students this past week.  And I'm still not done.  Then a college friend of mine succumbed to the aggressive cancer she was first told about 6 short months ago.  She was 28 when she died- and one of the few truly wonderful women without a fault that I can identify in this world.  It's been a tough week.

We drove Friday night after work to our home state to attend the funeral on Saturday.  Luckily, my MIL lives 30 minutes from where it was, so we had a babysitter for the day.  Unluckily for us, but that looonggggg car ride meant that our still WON'T SLEEP IN THE CAR twosome fell asleep Friday night at 11:30 pm.  Slap-happy overtired toddlers can be entertaining, but stressful too.   (My favorite part was telling Anna to "hang on" in a gas station bathroom  and after grabbing the coat hook and dangling her feet, said "I hanging on!"  Also unluckily for us, but Anna forgot she was potty trained and peed in her car seat, with several hours to go to our destination.  Luckily for us, my MIL had a washer we could use when we arrived.  What's even more awesome than driving with two overtired toddlers for 6 hours and then doing laundry at midnight?  That it was all so we could attend the funeral of my 28 year old friend the next day.

We returned home on Saturday night because I was determined that we would a.) go to a pumpkin patch this year and the wet weather had prevented it so far plus my husband will be on a work trip next weekend so it was Sunday or never as a family this year. b.) have some good aspect of the weekend so it wouldn't completely blow and c.) rake our leaves because our leaf pickup for our area starts Monday and again, the wet weather had prevented it so far so it was now or never.

Anna had yet another accident in her car seat  with hours to go in our drive on the way back and so I waved my white flag, bought diapers at a gas station and told Sam and Anna that we now wear diapers for long car rides.  At least that meant we weren't stopping 5+ times for icky gas station bathroom breaks.  Sam and Anna went to sleep at 10:30 pm (so at least a little earlier than the night before) after again, NOT SLEEPING IN THE CAR ONE SECOND and the side effect meant they slept in the next morning until 8:30 am.  We salvaged our weekend with a perfectly fun time at the pumpkin patch Sunday morning, decent naps to catch up on their sleep deficit, ample time to get the millions of leaves in our yard to the curb, 8 loads of laundry,washing and changing sheets on three beds (and I thought changing the bedding on cribs was a pain), and pumpkin carving since Daddy's leaving town in a few days until Halloween morning. 

Whew!

I have high hopes for a less stressful, less of a downer week.